Ok so I don't know what the fuck the Kings were doing the last two games, but it wasn't working and it wasn't winning. Sharks have speed. We have size. They're using they're speed. Time to use our size. Oh sure, Kings had a boatload of hits last game, but those were of the "I can't get the puck so I'll bump into you" variety. We need to use our size in the "oh sorry, you thought you were … [Read more...]
The Greatest Offense
May 22, 2013 By 10 Comments
Given the title, clearly this article is not about the Kings' scoring. No, this is about the offense taken by many to a tweet made by Kevin Ryder using the LA Kings official twitter feed during the game against the Sharks last night. This tweet has been called a gaffe, a blunder, an embarrassment, misguided, insulting, insensitive, inexcusable, upsetting, juvenile, stupid, senseless, pointless … [Read more...]
Kings @ Sharks – Round 2 Game 4 – Return of the Rampage
May 21, 2013 By 37 Comments
Tonight we put the stranglehold on the series. The Sharks, for all the hoopla about how fantastic they are one home ice, just barely edged out a Kings team that was playing two highly untested rookies and was missing two of the biggest players in their bottom six. San Jose has had it easy. Tonight things get tough. It looks Ike Kyle Clifford is back guys and dolls. Unless something changes, … [Read more...]
Man in the Thermoset Composite Mask: What Your Tendy Wishes You Understood
May 20, 2013 By 9 Comments
It’s pretty easy to blame a tendy. You hear fans grumbling after a loss, “Merf merf Quick, if only…” I know there have been times this season when I’ve said, “if only Bernier had been in net!” There have also been times when Quick has been that spectacularly brilliant guy, recalling the name of every pope and constellation, standing at the chalkboard in AP Calculus doing mental math, … [Read more...]
700 Miles For A Goal
May 19, 2013 By 15 Comments
You want me to talk about the game last night, or my trip to San Jose? I kind of don't feel like talking about either. I kind of feel like talking about the Denny's I stupidly and drunkenly wandered into at 1:30am. San Jose is a sleepy town, very dull, but for the most part well kept. However some areas, like by our hotel near the airport, are... Erm... Less so. I saw an interesting group of … [Read more...]
Kings @ Sharks – Round 2 Game 3 – Down By The Bay
May 18, 2013 By 12 Comments
Two down. Two to go. By the time you read this, I'll be somewhere in the middle of nowhere on the 5 freeway, heading north to test my lucky underwear out at the HPV Pavillion in San Jose. I won't be in a car though, with plenty of adrenaline still pumping from that marvelous win on Thursday, I think I'll just run there. The Shark Tank, as it's known, if you've never been there, is a wonderful … [Read more...]
If I Go To Church, Then I Can’t Be A Sinner, Right?
May 17, 2013 By 13 Comments
Now that both Todd McLellan and Doug Wilson have made their comments about Raffi Torres' suspension and how they think it is bogus, a common theme has jumped out. They, and others, are quick to make the point that Raffi has done a lot to change his game, citing the few minor penalties he has taken since joining the Sharks. That's all well and good, but it would appear these yokels have sucked … [Read more...]
She’s The Best
May 17, 2013 By 8 Comments
Lost in the kerfuffle of the playoffs, I have forgotten to post a bit of news that my brothers and sisters in section 315 already knew. I've long said that section 315 is the best section in Staples Center, and not just because I'm there. Ok fine, because I'm there. We're loud, we're fun, and we tend to get bunches of opposing fans to heckle, that and cajole since we are on the side of the ice … [Read more...]
Here Ye, Here Ye: Ye Olde Western Conference Semi-finals
May 17, 2013 By 14 Comments
Second Game of Thrones v. Thorntons By Kelsey Eyes Thursday morning dawned with the amber glow of spilt King’s blood. The townspeople took to the streets, pitchforks and torches mightily in hand, to claim justice and vengeance as their own. No evening post had been delivered detailing what the fates had dealt our befallen warrior, and the silence on that account filled every marching step with … [Read more...]
Sharks @ Kings – Round 2 Game 2 – The More Things Change
May 16, 2013 By 23 Comments
It seems the only storyline heading into this game is Raffi Torres' hit on Jarret Stoll, his imminent NHL hearing, and the latter's injury and exclusion from the lineup. So let's talk about something else. As we discussed before, and saw on Tuesday, San Jose is a much different team than St. Louis. They passed with zippy gusto and buzzed around the Kings' zone like so many gnats that need … [Read more...]
From The Archives: The Shark Who Came To Dinner
May 15, 2013 By 7 Comments
**By reader request, I'm reposting this article from the last Kings-Sharks playoff series. I had forgotten about it, but reading it over again I am reminded that I must find a cure for writing during REM sleep. This is a big bowl of What The Fuck. So for those that enjoyed it the first time around, and those who have joined us here since, here ya go... ** I woke up early this morning. I … [Read more...]
Sharks @ Kings – Round 2 Game 1 – Payback, Like Joe Thornton, is a Bitch
May 14, 2013 By 25 Comments
They say time heals all wounds. They may be right, but what doesn't heal all wounds? A Stanley Cup. Despite our glorious achievements and the San Jose Sharks distinct lack of them outside of a few meaningless division titles, these losers managed to oust us in the first round two years ago, and for that, they must pay. This is likely to be quite a different series than the one against the … [Read more...]
Replica Ring Winners!
May 13, 2013 By 13 Comments
Before we get to discussing round two of the playoffs against the San Jose Sharks, I need to clear up some old business. Back in March we held a contest for two free replica Stanley Cup rings, sponsored by a reader, Jared, who paid for the rings and the shipping cost to send them to the two winners. Well, Jared and I finally had time last week to get through all the submissions, many of which … [Read more...]
Ducks or Sharks? A Stupid Question Answered
May 11, 2013 By 38 Comments
"Who would you rather play in the second round?" Surly and I have been asked this question numerous times in the past 48 hours. Surly almost allowed himself to get sucked into it last night until he retorted to a fellow fan, "hey, let's win this series first!" This was during the 1st intermission. Smart kid, that Surly. As for me, I've held back my generally unfiltered response to any hockey … [Read more...]
Rejoice. Reset. Remain.
May 11, 2013 By 9 Comments
Well how do you like that? The Kings are going to the second round! This isn't a post game. We aren't going to analyze the 60 minutes of hockey played, how Drew Doughty scored the most Drew Doughty goal ever, vaguely reminiscent of his first NHL goal against the Colorado Avalanche. We don't need to remunerate Dustin Penner's buzzer beater or how the Kings, once again, came out victorious … [Read more...]
Blues @ Kings – Round 1 Game 6 – 4 + 4 + 4 = 4
May 10, 2013 By 33 Comments
My superstitions are real, damn it. On Monday, I ran two miles and then ate two pieces of chicken at El Pollo Loco. The Kings went on to win their second game of the series. On Wednesday, I was about to stop running when I hit two miles, but thought "fuck it, a third mile for our third win". I then ate three pieces of chicken at El Pollo Loco. Unsurprisingly, the Kings then won their third … [Read more...]
Celebrate Tonight. Forget It Tomorrow. Win Four on Friday.
May 8, 2013 By 34 Comments
I gripped Drew Doughty game-used stick like a vise. I grabbed it at the end of the third because I needed something I would not break or throw across the room if we lost this game in overtime. The moment I grabbed it I knew we were going to win. There is something magical about Drew's stick...even when it's not his. "Wait a minute, Drew isn't a lefty," I thought to myself a few minute ago. … [Read more...]
Kings @ Blues – Round 1 Game 5 – Three’s Company
May 8, 2013 By 23 Comments
So now that I've finally calmed down from game 4 (that's a lie, I haven't calmed down. At all) I am ready for the game tonight and boy is my wallet thanking me for watching this one at home, where the food is better and the beer is cheaper. Other than those two things, I would like very much for my experience watching game 5 in a living room to mirror watching the last two in section 315. Yes, … [Read more...]
Los Angeles Kings @ St. Louis BlueBalls: West Quarter Final Game Four
May 7, 2013 By 30 Comments
Dear Diary: I’m in fucking love. **And it’s with more than one man. By Kelsey Eyes (Seriously, Surly and Scribe… Can’t I be Kelsey ScrumEye? I have some major street cred to keep up here) HolyFuckShitGoddamnFuckShitFuckingFuck. These most sonorous and poignant syllables came pouring from my lips like the Trevi Fountain in Rome the moment last night’s game buzzer sounded and a … [Read more...]
Blues @ Kings – Round 1 Game 4 – Making A Series Of It
May 6, 2013 By 36 Comments
One thing I love about the playoffs is that the intensity takes its toll on us all. Win or lose, playoff games are taxing on our endorphins, stress levels and livers. Just as I start to calm down from the previous game, boom! Here comes another one, and not a moment too soon. What will Darryl Sutter do to boost the offense? Maybe nothing. He has always championed the idea that you keep … [Read more...]
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