• Will Zach Parise Be The L.A. Kings’ Valentine?

    January 23, 2012 By in L.A. Kings News, Zach Parise to LA Kings love Tags: , , 26 Comments

    Question: How many articles have I written about my love for Zach Parise?

    Answer: Many. No joke. There have been a bunch. More than you think. I am obsessed with him. Just plain head over heels. More than any other pending UFA, ever.  I know, it’s insane right? It goes on forever. We have tried to keep a sense of humor about it.

    As the New York Post article confirms:

    Parise makes $6 million (he will make more in his next contract).

    The Devils can’t make payroll.

    The NHL will be paying New Jersey’s debts.

    New Jersey is weighing trading Zach for picks.

    Ilya Kovalchuk called and screamed at his agent for getting him in this mess…ok, I made that part up but I bet Ilya is as nervous about the team that owes him $100 million making good as Washington Mutual was about loaning $1.1 million for all of those 1200 square foot condos in Culver City, eh? What happened to Washington Mutual? Exactly. But hey Newark has good schools…Culver City’ s suck. Continue reading →

  • Surly & I Accept Darryl Sutter’s Offer

    January 22, 2012 By in L.A. Kings News Tags: , , , 32 Comments

    From MayorsManor on Friday January 20:

    After practice today, coach Darryl Sutter was asked if there’s been any message to Bernier, in terms of staying prepared?

    “That’s his job,” said Sutter. “We have one season that’s done on Monday or Tuesday (referring to the upcoming break in the NHL schedule for the All Star Game). Then, another one starts a week after that. That’s the only way I look at it. I’m not about anything other than getting the max out of everybody. If the players have to stay ready and sharp in practice, that’s going to be there problem, not mine. He’s been fine though, he’s been awesome. What more do you want? Obviously he probably wants to play more. But, it’s about winning games right now. We’re in a playoff battle. When he goes in, he better look at like it’s game seven.”

    Do you have a rough plan for the goalie rotation?

    “I think everybody that has an ace does that or tries to. But, very seldom does that hold. Especially in a year where our team gets a seven day break. So, that’s what you have to try and manage. Quite honestly, we have 32 games left after the break and we have six back to backs and a lot of road games. So, you have to think that he’s going to play more than he did in the first 50 (games).“

    In law school, you learn that a contract requires an offer, acceptance and consideration. Consideration means something of value that is bargained for exchange. When this trinity comes together, you have a meeting of the minds or, if you prefer Latin as I do, consensus ad idem. Continue reading →

  • Why Darryl Sutter Is Working Out Here In LA LA land.

    January 20, 2012 By in L.A. Kings News 29 Comments

    No x’s or o’s. No discussion of the forecheck, seam passing or the umbrella. Breakouts, regroups, even something as intangible as effort is beyond the scope of this article.

    Darryl Sutter has a deep, reverberating voice.

    He has unusual facial expressions that amuse, bemuse (if you have no sense of humor) and invoke wonder.

    His answers to questions are short and blunt.

    He doesn’t care for the media but tolerates them.

    He doesn’t call out players in the media. He protects them.

    He is intense, vocal and hands on with his team.

    He is a farmer, used to shit under his finger nails and hard manual labor.

    He isn’t scared of you. He could give a damn if you disagree with him. And that especially includes those who wear press passes or consider themselves insiders.

    He is that grandfather you dig…but who can also snap a man’s neck in three seconds.

    Continue reading →

  • Things I Learned While Trying to Stay Awake As The Flames Won 2-1 In A Shootout

    January 19, 2012 By in Los Angeles Kings hockey post game loss report or review Tags: , , , , , 33 Comments

    Jonathan Quick is not a god, but rather a demigod and therefore will sometimes just get beat. I felt Iginla’s shot in my loins. Oh well.

    Since we are on the subject, Voynov puts more weight behind his shots than Penner puts into the maple syrup bottle to squeeze out those last few drops. His shot is heavier than your average Texan. I kind of want to see him set up at the dots on the PP, let Richards run the point.

    Penner played pretty well. Most of the team played well. No one played poorly. However I can’t say I noticed Trent Hunter on the ice more than twice and yet I noticed Clifford and Fraser constantly.

    On a similar note, when did Richards become the weak link on his line? OK I suppose by his high standard he played poorly. But this has become his standard over the past several games. Could it be a bona fide slump? On this Kings team? Never.

    Iginla wants to hump Dustin Brown. The refs also want to see Iginla hump Brown.

    Continue reading →

  • The Manchester Monarchs’ New Year Slump

    January 19, 2012 By in L.A. Kings News, Manchester Monarchs news Tags: , , , , , , 7 Comments

    Nope, no need to adjust your monitors. You can also put down the phone and refrain from calling your local anti-zombie task force. I have indeed risen from the metaphorical grave after a long period of silence, but am very much alive and well. Where have I been? Read on, my friends.

    My absence isn’t that I no longer attend Monarchs games. It isn’t that I’ve grown to love the Monarchs any less. It’s not that I don’t have any tidbits to share from the jungle. It’s certainly not that there haven’t been any nail-biting moments to wax poetic about.

    I think the better people to ask about there whereabouts are the guys on the team roster.

    After a slow start in October, the Monarchs racked up quite the record over the months of November and December, 8-2-0-1 and 7-3-0-1 respectively, which put them on the fast track to the top of their division. A rag-tag group of newbies and veterans finally seemed to have found their groove. Goal-tending was solid, defense was keeping the crease clear of shenanigans, and the snipers were firing on all cylinders. Since the clock struck 12:01 am on January 1st, oddly, that team has been missing. Continue reading →

  • Flames vs. L.A. Kings Game Day – Sutter Brothers’ Grudge Match From Hell

    January 19, 2012 By in Los Angeles Kings hockey Pre Game Report or preview Tags: , , , 34 Comments

    Grrrrr. Darryl no likey Brent. Brent no likey Darryl. Neither likey losing and mirrors no likey either of them.

    As we recall from the Kings sound thumping of the Flames only 4 days ago, no one wanted to ask about the elephant in the room, that two storied brothers faced off in a head-to-head match of venom and bile. Reporters tried their best not to mention this tenuously strained relationship and its implications on the ice, sure to result in brutal fisticuffs between the two bench bosses, but Darryl and Brent Sutter couldn’t help themselves and extolled to reporters how much more important games between the Flames and the Kings are now.

    From the LAKingsOutsider:

    Question: Do you think the Flames will be looking for payback because the Kings snapped Calgary’s unbeaten home winning streak?

    Darrly Sutter: “Of course Brent is looking for payback. He’s always been the uglier brother. People have often compared me to Sloth from The Goonies. Well if I’m Sloth then Brent is Darth Vader without his helmet. Brent’s been looking for payback ever since Momma Sutter used up the last of the good looks on me and Brian.

    Continue reading →

  • L.A. Kings vs. Vancouver Canucks Game Day: No Loser Talk Allowed

    January 17, 2012 By in LA Kings vs. Vancouver Canucks Tags: , , 57 Comments

    There are a few things that annoy me.

    One of them is hearing or reading things like the L.A. Kings better be careful (or better be on their game) because the Vancouver Canucks are coming into tonight’s match pissed off after shitting the bed against Anaheim. As if a pissed off versus a pissed on Vancouver Canucks team is going to make a difference in how the L.A. Kings prepare for the game or approach it.

    It’s ignorant talk.

    Sutter: Well boys, Vancouver is coming in pissed off. I guess that means the game plan is out today.

    Several Players: Oh no, coach! What do we do?

    Sutter: I don’t know. Jamie, what do you think?

    Kompon: You said I wasn’t allowed to talk to the players anymore.

    Sutter: I did say that…Bernie, any thoughts?

    Nicholls: What? Sorry, I was googling a picture of Matt Greene’s girlfriend…Greener, nice buddy. Very nice.

    Sutter: Let me see that later. John? Any ideas?

    Stevens: What would Surly & Scribe tell us to do? Continue reading →

  • What’s that? Playoffs? Don’t talk about — Playoffs? You kidding me? Playoffs?

    January 16, 2012 By in L.A. Kings News, LA Kings Hockey Tags: , 49 Comments

    Player-X, who is quickly becoming a regular contributor, wrote this article about a subject very near and dear to our hearts. The opinions expressed by our readers in article are not necessarily our own and we reserve the right to give them shit about theirs.

    First off, I want to take a moment to really thank Surly and Scribe for letting me post articles on their site. Although I may question their judgment in doing so, I admire their courage in letting my voice join theirs in this way. Actually, in all seriousness, I am very flattered that I have been allowed to publish my thoughts here, as this site is well-respected and deservedly so. I hope it will be a good fit, and I will try to equal their standards. Thank you, guys, thank you very much. And now, to the article… Continue reading →

  • Kings vs. Oilers: Doughnuts, Pancakes & More Megan Fox.

    January 15, 2012 By in L.A. Kings News, LA Kings vs Edmonton Oilers Tags: , , , 12 Comments

    As soon as we fucked up that powerplay Boob (thank you reader Sydor25 for reminding me that the new name for the powerplay is “Boob”) at the end of the third period, I knew we were losing this game in overtime. I all but called it on Twitter. Still though, the officiating tonight was garbage.

    Anze Kopitar went into beast mode during parts of that third period.

    The main thing missing tonight from the L.A. Kings offense was sustained pressure. We had it in spurts during the second and third but, unlike the games against Vancouver, Washington and Calgary, the attack mentality (the replacement for the now dead, buried and pissed on its grave “shot mentality”) was not present throughout most of the game.

    Side note: What is it with our first periods? It’s like all the players channel their inner Doughty.

    Speaking of Drew Doughty, he managed to provide plenty of material to his detractors with that abortion of a performance. Hey, what do you expect for a lousy $7 million? Our reader, player-x, has already written most of his next article in his head. Reader JT is preparing his rebuttal.

    Dustin Penner’s game is improving. Unfortunately, it is improving at such a slow pace that he may be good by the time the Kings have committed to not re-signing him. Continue reading →

  • Well, We’re Fucked

    January 15, 2012 By in Los Angeles Kings hockey Pre Game Report or preview Tags: , , , , , 19 Comments

    I knew the Edmonton Oilers were a strong offensive team. I admit I am highly envious of their leading scorer, Jordan Eberle, who I just love to watch. I haven’t seen much thus far of their second leading scorer, the infant Ryan Nugent-Hopkins. Does anyone else ever imagine that Ted Nugent raped Bernard Hopkins and shat out this kid? A glance at the horrible misfortune of Ryan’s underdeveloped face lends credence to this notion of his progeny. Second on the Oilers in goals is the Colin Fraser equivalent Ryan Smyth, who is also third in points. Toddler Taylor Hall is fourth.

    20120114-230110.jpg

    When 116 assists halfway through a season only gets you 4th in team scoring, it doesn’t really matter how good your defense is or how All Starry of a goalie you have, you’re fucked. The Kings may as well just mail this one in. It’s hopeless.

    Continue reading →

  • Offensive Juggernaut L.A. Kings Hogtie Local Hicks, Calgary Flames

    January 14, 2012 By in Los Angeles Kings hockey post game report and review Tags: , , , , , 38 Comments

    We are just going to go ahead and pretend like the 2-goal or less period of depression never happened.

    We’ll conveniently forget that just 4 games ago the Kings didn’t manage a regulation goal for something like 140 minutes.

    This team doesn’t struggle offensively. This team scores goals. Goals in bunches, goals every which way. Even Matt Greene scores goals, I almost rhymed right here, but that would be wrong. The best and most amusing part about the recent offensive outbursts have been that when Sutter came in he said the NHL was a “3-2 league”. Well the Kings still haven’t scored 3 goals in a game under Sutter, yet they’ve won 7 games and still only lost 1 in regulation. They’ve scored 4 goals 4 times and 5 once and 2 or less in the rest of the games since his takeover of very serious hugs.

    Moving on to the game, our boys struggled a bit in the first period, looking a little lackadaisical once again at the drop of the puck. The Calgary Flames tried their damnedest to put the Kings on their heels, but unlike in the Dallas game the defense held strong. Then in the second, as is quickly becoming the norm under Sutter, the Kings came flying out of the gate. Whatever speech Sutter gives during the first intermission, he should start giving before the game.

    Continue reading →

  • L.A. Kings vs. Calgary Flames Open Forum: Kopitar, Sutters, Cammy & Megan Fox

    January 14, 2012 By in LA Kings vs. Calgary Flames Tags: , , , , , , , 43 Comments

    Looking Back

    An intense, bordering on insane, game against the Dallas Stars ended 5-4 in the anti-climatic shootout. We trailed by two goals twice but came back to take a 4-3 lead in the third period, only to surrender it on a fluke goal that ended our perfect penalty kill streak.

    Remember when we were unbeatable in the shootouts? This season, we suck ass. Jarret Stoll is hit and miss and All-Star goalie, Jonathan Quick looks mortal.

    Still, one point is better than none, although such conciliation has done nothing to brighten my mood.

    We are told Anze Kopitar is fine. Given the investment made in Kopi, I hope the L.A. Kings aren’t playing him if he is not ready, regardless of the fact he allegedly does not have a concussion.

    Tonight’s Game

    Enter Alberta, home of the Calgary Stampede, which I still have not attended to my disappointment (to Surly’s horror, I enjoy country music and know my way around horses and bulls). The great province of Alberta also hosts homesick, slow but still productive left wingers who need time away from Los Angeles to avoid…er…distractions. That is down the road from where we play tonight. Continue reading →