THE POWER & LEGEND OF MANCHESTER MONARCHS’ FORWARD, JURAJ MIKUS

Among Kings fans, there is a continuing story line about the legend of Juraj Mikus.  Mikus is a forward with the Manchester Monarchs who was recently signed by the Kings. Recently, a poster by the name of “Cynic” on Rich Hammond’s blog shared this little gem that I will reproduce for you here. Great stuff.

- Juraj Mikus is not allowed to spit on the ice as it creates 3 foot potholes because he breathes fire.

- Juraj Mikus does not wear a mouthguard for his teeth are made of the hardest substance known to mankind.

- The visor Juraj Mikus wears is to protect the other players from his Medusa Vision. Anyone who has ever looked into Juraj Mikus’s eyes has immediately turned to stone. The Wayne Gretzky statue in front of Staples is an example. The Gretzky you see on TV is an imposter.

- The skates of Juraj Mikus weigh 100 lbs each. This is to counterbalance his massive leg strength that would split the ice in half every time he pushes off to begin his stride.

- When Juraj Mikus stops up on a play, the impending blizzard causes that end of the arena to drop 25 degrees in 5 seconds. When he exhales, the temperatures returns to normal instantly.

- Juraj Mikus never physically checks a player into the boards. He stops 3 feet in front of them and the impending shock wave knocks the other player into the boards. This is to protect the other players from being hit so hard, the space time continuum fluxes and they are shot into the future.

- Juraj Mikus invented ‘The Foil’ when he touched his aluminum stick with his bare hands and the stick melted. Eddie Shore was eating a ham sandwich wrapped in foil when he witnessed this and wrapped the foil around his hands. He fist bumped Juraj Mikus which turned his foil magical. The Hansen Brothers saw Eddie play with the foil. The rest is history.

Hopefully you people are taking notes.



Categories: L.A. Kings News

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1 reply

  1. Too bad he signed with the Russains :O

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