5. New York Islanders

4. Columbus Blue Jackets

3. Florida Panthers

2. Boston Bruins

…and the number 1 draft pick goes to…

1. The Phoenix Coyotes??

WHAT? This proves it! Gary Bettman has not only paid off the referees but he has now fixed the draft to help HIS hockey team! Outrageous. Off with his head! Lynch the bastard!

No, no, I kid the Oiler fans. You should be excited to have the number 1 draft pick. You will keep him around for at least 3 seasons before he demands a trade. That’s not bad, right? Right?