THE WILLIE MITCHELL TESTS YOU DIDN’T HEAR ABOUT

Before Willie Mitchell was inked for 2 years, $3.5 million dollars per season, reports indicated he worked out for the team and underwent tests. The reported tests were of course physical in nature and were designed to gauge Willie’s well being. Surly and I have since learned that not all of Mitchell’s tests were of that variety. In fact, our investigation and ties to a close team source have revealed that the Kings presented Mitchell with some cerebral though, admittedly, unconventional tests to gauge his readiness. Through great care, we bring you what we have found:

Plus-Minus system of scoring.

Each passed test is a plus. Each failed test is a minus.

A final score above 0 shows cognitive abilities consistent with recovery.

The higher the score, the greater the measure of recovery.

The Lombardi test: Ask a simple, every day question like how are you or how was your day. If after the 25 minute explanation which included references to specific war time battles in this century, his days with the Sharks, his affinity for the Flyers, some reference to Lamoriello, and “Money Ball” as well as the salary cap, Willie still remembered his question, that was a +1. If he failed to remember the question, that was a -1.

The Androl test: Heidi conducted a mock interview of Mitchell. If he at no point looked down, that was a +1. If he did, that was a +2. If at any point he looked away from her, that was a -2.

The JMFJ test: If he could sit in front of Jack Johnson for longer than 15 minutes while Jack held his face in his notorious smirk without striking Jack, that was a +1.

The Jones test: If he watched a video of Randy Jones’ defensive plays this past season without breaking into laughter, -1. Any evidence of disgust, +1.

The Hammond test: Hammond conducted a mock interview and asked general questions about Mitchell’s play and goals for the upcoming season. If he managed to give a vague answer that did not answer the question and Hammond did not follow up, +1. If he answered the question, -1. If he told Hammond to take the rest of the day off, +2.

p.s. we kid Dean and Jack, we love them both…but especially Heidi. Oh Heidi.


Categories: L.A. Kings News

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1 reply

  1. Come on, if he didn’t look down while being interviewed by Heidi, he isn’t even human. Game over.

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