FIVE THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR DUCK FANS SAY

When the Quacks trespass inside Staples, they bring what few of their contingency they have along for the ride.

You hear some things in the aisles and near concessions in between the frequent jeers and jabs thrown their way.  Statements such as “we won a cup” and… well, actually that’s about all they ever say.  I would accuse them of forgetting the other 16 years of their unremarkable history, but they weren’t around before 2007 and it would be cruel to hold against them the history of their team from a time before they had heard of hockey.

Here are some things you will never hear come out of a Quack fan’s mouth:

1. “My throat hurts from cheering too loudly.”

2. “I own season tickets.”

3. “Beer me.”

4. “See you at the game in Vegas.”

5. (to any other Ducks’ fan in the known universe) “You are really knowledgeable about the game.”

As a bonus, here are a few of the other things you will hear a Duck fan say during a hockey game:

- “Why did they blow the whistle?”

- “3 hot dogs and 2 ice creams for my girlfriend, please”

- “Can you keep it down? I’m trying to watch the ice hockey contest”

When you are at the game tonight, please be courteous to the rival fans.  Take the time to tell them a little bit about the game.  Give them the tough news that Tony Lydman is not quite as good as Scott Niedermayer.  Explain icing and offside calls, they’ll appreciate it.

Or, keep it short and sweet, and don’t forget to repeat: “Hey Anaheim fans, YOU SUCK!”

See you at the game.



Categories: L.A. Kings News

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24 replies

  1. A bonus thing you never hear them say, brought to you by a fellow duck-hating co-worker of mine “That was a fair penalty.”

  2. “I wonder what its like to win a Stanley Cup”

    • The Maple Leafs won the Cup in 1967. That’s all they have to hang onto today. It doesn’t win them any games today. It doesn’t change the fact they suck now. You will tell your grandchildren about 2007. It will be all a Ducks fan has left to say. Life is lived in the present but perhaps memories will keep you warm at night while your team leaves you stranded and the arena you call home dwindles to 50% capacity.

  3. Please , please, please keep kicking ‘em when their down!!!!!!!

    Priceless!!!!!!!!!!

  4. You need a passionate fan base to get the most out of being a fan. The globetrotters sound more up your alley than hockey.

  5. So, you are referring to yourself as a smart ass? That is interesting. I have rarely seen a self inflicted back handed compliment. You are a trendsetter but only 1/2 right.

  6. Your inaccurate hyperbole aside, do tell me what were the Ducks doing while the Kings were in the playoffs last season and in the most recent history? You only get one guess but your choices are: (1) Not participating in the playoffs, (2) Watching the Kings in the playoffs (3) Pondering the slow swirling demise of their franchise (4) all of the above.

  7. Now this is getting obtuse.

    See you @ the slaughter, part 2 of 8 on Sunday.

  8. I love how many ducks fans there crying on this blog. Nowhere to call home?

  9. Wild Wing, no, you don’t need passionate fans to win, although I remember back in the good ol days of 2007, when your whiny and fair weather bandwagon was supposedly the best and loudest in the NHL according to you. But you DO need passionate and loyal fans (something that the Ducks have never and never will have) to stay in Anaheim, which will not be for much longer. You better believe that Blackberry Boy Balsille is crossing Phoenix off his “Make it Seven” list and circling his next destination- Anaheim. Something tells me, with your future, that he may finally get his dream of another Canadian team with you guys.

    • You miss the point. We don’t care. It’s history. We live in the present. What previously happened has no impact on our team of young stars and veterans. That was the theme to this whole thread of comments. Try to keep up kid :) Quack Attack may have a silly name but at least he’s on pace…

  10. Well, at least “emilio”, “Wild Wing” and “Quack Attack” are out proving what everyone else in the Western Conference already know: Ducks fans are a bunch of ignorant $@%^#@s who apparently think that it’s still 2007.

  11. I love this rivalry but one thing we can all agree on is that it won’t reach its potential until both teams play a meaningful game in the playoffs against one another. Would love to see that this season but, all kidding aside, I just don’t see the Ducks making it. The two teams have been akin to two ships passing each other in the night.

  12. You’re right. You’ll be in year 5 of “rebuilding” (or in Bob Murray’s terms, desperately trading away young assets to save his job) when Bettman finally agrees to relocate you to Winnepeg. One year after that, they’ll send you back, because even they don’t want you. Then of course, Disney will buy the team again, and use every game as a silly marketing stunt for more unrealistic hockey movies.

  13. ha ha. You must have went to the wrong rink.

    It will be fun to the extreme power to see both of these teams make the playoffs and play against one another. It will happen. Hopefully, sooner rather than later. That way, we will really have something to talk about.

  14. So, I recently found out that the Ducks fans posting on this article were really one Ducks fan. Seems they couldn’t garner enough support to come with any numbers…not dissimilar to the plight of their team. Surly and I frown on trolls so we sent them packing into cyberspace. I kept our comments just for laughs.

  15. That was one of the most confused mess of a diatribe I have read in a while. You are citing history in support what exactly? The Kings’ sperm created you. You are the spawn of the Gretzky trade to the Kings. Is the 2007 Cup something to be proud of? Sure. Does it mean anything today? No. Kings’ fans do not dispute that, in the past, they have not had a winning tradition. But games as in life are not played in the past. They are played today. While you cuddle up against 2007 know that your team waived a number 1 goaltender (Bryzgalov) just to sign an overrated and overpriced one in Hiller. The Ducks literally have no defense. They have one line of forwards between Getzlaf, Perry and Ryan. Do you realize how many years of suck are ahead of you? How long before Carlyle is fired? But hey, 2007, there’s that. The problem is pal, that is all there is. It’s all you have. Nothing to look forward to – like an old impotent man who used to relish the old days when he could get it up.

  16. “Ducks prove that it really isn’t all that hard to win a championship in the NHL. ” LOL!! That’s one of the most ridiculous things I’ve heard in a while!! Especially since most of the PLAYERS and COACHES and just about ANYONE with a respectable reputation in the hockey community all agree: the Stanley Cup is one of the hardest trophies to win in all of sports. But I guess that shows what kind of fans you have in Disneyland.

    One more thing little Ducks “fan”, no one thinks that the Islanders are a dynasty anymore. No one is stupid enough to say that the last place Oilers are an elite team. The Leafs? Being second in most Cups won hasn’t stopped them from failing every season since 1967. The Tampa Bay Lightning and Carolina Hurricanes- two teams that dominated during the regular season, won the Cup… and were never heard from again. All these teams have something in common with the Ducks, as they were once great teams… and now are some of the worst teams in the league.

  17. That was awesome but I refuse to get into a discussion with a 9 year old. Let me know when you are all grown up and we will talk then.

  18. We shall see Ducks fan…we shall see. Hope to catch you at a game sometime. I may even buy you a beer while pretending to listen to your stories of the good old days. :)

  19. The thing we have so far ignored here is that you said the cup was easy to win, solidifying the lack of hockey knowledge amongst quackers.

    Sure it can be easy. Its easy when one of the best dmen in the game falls into your lap because he wants to play with his brother. Its even easier when one of the other best dmen acquiescences to his whiny wife’s demands to be traded to southern California. Easier still when the Ottawa senators crap the bed and fold under the curse of Heatley. Easy is gooning your way to a cup.

    Although we can all agree that building a strong and dedicated fan base is difficult, since a cup couldn’t build one for the ducks. If the kings-ducks rivalry proves anything its that a cup is not a prerequisite or a guarantee of passion and attendance.

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