When the Quacks trespass inside Staples, they bring what few of their contingency they have along for the ride.

You hear some things in the aisles and near concessions in between the frequent jeers and jabs thrown their way.  Statements such as “we won a cup” and… well, actually that’s about all they ever say.  I would accuse them of forgetting the other 16 years of their unremarkable history, but they weren’t around before 2007 and it would be cruel to hold against them the history of their team from a time before they had heard of hockey.

Here are some things you will never hear come out of a Quack fan’s mouth:

1. “My throat hurts from cheering too loudly.”

2. “I own season tickets.”

3. “Beer me.”

4. “See you at the game in Vegas.”

5. (to any other Ducks’ fan in the known universe) “You are really knowledgeable about the game.”

As a bonus, here are a few of the other things you will hear a Duck fan say during a hockey game:

- “Why did they blow the whistle?”

- “3 hot dogs and 2 ice creams for my girlfriend, please”

- “Can you keep it down? I’m trying to watch the ice hockey contest”

When you are at the game tonight, please be courteous to the rival fans.  Take the time to tell them a little bit about the game.  Give them the tough news that Tony Lydman is not quite as good as Scott Niedermayer.  Explain icing and offside calls, they’ll appreciate it.

Or, keep it short and sweet, and don’t forget to repeat: “Hey Anaheim fans, YOU SUCK!”

See you at the game.