So, Surly and I were kicking back and watching the New Jersey Cupcakes practice when lo and behold, we saw Ilya Kovalchuk pull a cell phone out of his glove of all things and answer the phone. Maclean bolted on the ice and charged at Ilya in anger but Ilya put his index finger up and that surprisingly stopped Maclean in his tracks. As Surly and I moved toward the glass and Kovalchuk came in our direction for a little privacy, we managed to pick up bits and pieces of the discussion.

ILYA: “Hey Jay, what’s up? [pause] Yes, I will try and score a goal tonight…I know you asked me to play defense but I am choosing to answer the question you should have asked…”

[Couple of minutes later]

ILYA: “Hey, could you find out if Lombardi can put the $80 million back on the table? I want to take it…no…no, I want New Jersey’s $100 million plus the 80…”

ILYA: “Yeah, he is such an idiot. He benched me for being 10 minutes late to a meeting…I know, I told him that is pretty insulting considering I am usually at least 20…”

[Ilya wearing a scowl after listening to Jay for a while]

ILYA: “…I can’t believe Holik said that either. Can’t trust anyone to lie anymore these days…hey, hold on, my mother is calling…[hits flash] Mama!”

[Kovalchuk rubbing his forehead in frustration]

ILYA: “Yes mom, I understand. I will…YES! [he looks around him to make sure nobody is near, Surly & I duck down behind the glass] forty percent goes to the IRS, Jay takes ten, another ten goes to…you know who it goes to, give me a break! I will send money when the hell I can! I gotta go, Jay is on the phone…yes, I will tell him to send money too…[flash]…Jay, I’m back.”

[Ilya getting progressively angrier]

“I don’t care what they write! Jay, I…don’t…care! I don’t know what a Surly is or what a Scribe does, understand? Do they make $100 million dollars? No. Then they don’t exist in my world. They can write whatever they want, I doubt anybody reads that shit anyway…I gotta go, Maclean looks pissed off…no, I’m not going right back to practice. I am going to tell him I have to take a leak first…[laughs], I know, classic! Gotta go.”

Categories: L.A. Kings News, Surly & Scribe Skits

Tags: , ,

1 reply

  1. HE’S LYING TO HIS MOTHER ABOUT THE TAXES??????????????? There’s no way he’s paying that much to the IRS!!!

    That’s a great piece! I especially liked the part about him not knowing what a Surly is, or what a Scribe does!


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