The inept imps from the east stumbled in a stupor of incompetence on Staples Center ice and were sent away more certain about their sinking fate while the Kings partook of the sustenance they offered with a Cupcake defense that resembled a horror flick and a hundred million dollar ghost that won the prize for the most irrelevant stick handles and managed to earn his pay by having zero points, two shots on goal, one of which was a whack that caused the puck to travel toward Quick at the pace of a drop kicked slug, three giveaway and a minus one.

That was a long breath…here is a shorter one.

Hey Cupcakes. You Suck!

To the game!

Justin Williams’ goal was all highlight. Smyth sent a cross ice pass to Williams who spun to keep the puck from the Cupcake defender, Bradley Mills. Justin spun back and in one motion sent a wicked slap shot that Martin Brodeur never saw nor expected, judging by his reaction. The first period ended 1-0.

The Kings took a 2-0 lead on the powerplay. Handzus’ knocked in the rebound of a Jarret Stoll one timer from the top of the left circle. This goal epitomized the Kings’ offense. Quick shot, on net, rebound, boom!

The Cupcakes got a goal back, a long shot from Taormina with Zubrus providing the screen. 24 seconds later, the Kings answered with Jarret Stoll who this time was rewarded with a rebound off the boards. Stoll picked up the rebound and, with no hesitation, sent a backhand past an unprepared Brodeur.

That was it for the scoring. Some will point to the third period as one that the Cupcakes played well with many shots on goal. I watched that period carefully. They did have a lot of shots. Well over half of them were of the Hail Mary variety just to get something to the net. No sprinkles. No frosting. Just old and tasteless. The ones that did matter Quick stopped. Strangely, he didn’t have to be great this game to win it. Jonathan played a calm and steady game, without the need for too many athletics. Pucks hit him all night. The Cupcakes appeared to be aiming for his crest on about two-thirds of their shots. Make no mistake. Quick played well but when the dumb kid throws a punch, loses his balance and falls on his head, the end result is as much said dummy as it is your adept defensive skills.

Speaking of dummy, kudos to Bailey. Our resident lion was on. His three highlights were:

  • Bailey walked toward the Cupcake bench and from behind the glass pressed a “Hockey For Dummies” book behind John Maclean’s head. The crowd in the immediate vicinity roared but for a few Cupcake fans that took offense. I don’t speak lion and don’t know what Bailey said, but I assume he reminded said fans that the book refers to dummies, not retards, so there was no reason for them to be personally indignant about the instructive gesture. I do have a picture of this, which I will post tomorrow.
  • He also gathered up two cute kids who were holding up a sign that read (when they arranged it in the right order with the lion’s help) KOVAL$UCK. Bailey invited the kids to the glass where they proudly displayed the sign. I think it’s fair to say that our mascot went nuts with the taunting and pointing at the sign when Kovalchuk skated by…I have a picture of this…speaking of taunting…
  • At one point, he was relentless against, you guessed it, Ilya while the prima donna was on the Cupcake bench. Unless my eyes deceived me, Bailey was in such great form that Kovalchuk became annoyed enough to move to the opposite end of the bench. The good news is that I have a video of this…kind of…I think…you’ll see tomorrow. Teasers!

Pay attention, Quick is 7-1-0, .936 SV% (3rd in the league), with a 1.84 GAA. Badda Boom! Check out the Goalie Tracker page for this game’s breakdown. Add that this is our best start in over 20 freaking years. Do you see this coming together. Get excited.

Some Thoughts & Tidbits:

  • Wayne Simmonds didn’t miss a step out there. Jarret Stoll, Justin Williams and Ryan Smyth have some serious chemistry going. God if we could get our first line a left-wing (hey Parse, you listening?) we can do even greater damage.
  • I am pretty certain Zach Parise did not play in the third. You never want to see that happen, though I did see the play. It’s a possible knee injury. His right leg twisted awkwardly after a hit or collision with Kyle Clifford. On this note, the fact that the Cupcakes got more shots on goal in the third without Zach should tell the hockey world that Parise is both unnecessary to their success (which is currently defined as not losing by more than 3 goals) and expendable. Send him over Lou. We will take him off your hands. We promise to stop booing Kovy. Hell, we’ll thank him and you. Surly will send flowers. Should I hold my breath? Remember, they gave Ilya $100 million…dummies…anything is possible.
  • I hope Kopitar is ok. He was hit and his head had an odd “whiplash” effect thereafter. I was surprised though when I saw him limp. When I know, you will know.
  • One of the highlights of the night was actually a sad moment infused with hilarity. A Cupcake fan held his little kid up (who couldn’t have been more than 4 years old). The image fell on the new enormous screen. The kid was in full Cupcake garb along with a jersey and horns included. The little girl was a bit displeased. She started to cry, but not too badly until…the crowd saw this image of a child on the screen in Cupcake wear and holy hell, the chorus of boos rang through the arena with such force that it scared the crap out of this kid because she then starting bawling and the off-guard parents quickly lowered the demon child down…sad…hilarious…considered it a mixed bag of chocolates.
  • Kings fans hit Ilya with an even deeper chorus of sheer hatred each time he touched the puck. The sound reverberated so loud that I got Rob Blake flashbacks. I didn’t partake too much. Truth be told, I was laser focused on the game itself and Kovalchuk seemed to lose the puck just as fast as he received it. He was so irrelevant tonight, so without merit of even the slightest tinge of respect for his on ice game, that I found myself not giving a devil’s ass what happened months ago…it brought closure. Besides, blame the master, not the puppet, especially when the puppet can now do his quick math and find that 8 years of treading water in Atlanta + 15 years in New Jersey may amount to over two decades of suck…remember to swallow every once in a while Ilya. You earned it.

To those that follow us on Facebook, I offered the following prayer before the game. As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no losers from New Jersey. In the Kings’ colors I reign. Let’s bring the pain!

Prayer answered.


Categories: L.A. Kings News

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3 replies

  1. The Devils fanbase (which includes my wife, who is from Jersey) has every right to incensed with Kovalchuk. He can dismiss it all he wants, or spin it however he wants to but he was especially terrible last night. Just another game, eh Ilya? The only Devil player who played even halfway well was Taormina. And they are stuck with this for 15 years. People always gave Kovalchuk a pass in Atlanta, because of the rest of the team, and he went and turned the once potent Devils into the Thrashers. It’s a sad thing to see really. I just wish we could get another crack at them on an East Coast swing, but we have to wait for next season, when we could well be defending the Cup!!!

  2. Novalchuk did some amazing passing in the 3rd.

    Nolvalchuk only showed up after the Kings became too tired to check him after their grueling road trip.

    The Kings seem to be retiring one opposition player a game.

    I haven’t seen King checking like this since Forsberg was checked off the ice, into hospital and out of hockey by the Kings (and Misters Deadmarsh, Norstorm and Laperriere) in 2001.

    Bet Bernier was happy to have not been the 3rd period goalie last night.


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