Corey Perry, Joffrey Lupul And Wayne Simmonds’ Revenge – A True Halloween Story

Every once in a while a story comes to us that requires a collaboration of writing and effort. A story that needs some Surly & Scribe. This is such a story and it starts with a picture.

A picture can be worth many words. Some, a thousand. Others, less.

Once in a while a picture needs just one.

This wasn’t an accident.

Misfortune did not lend a hand.

No Kings’ fan would do as such.

No Kings’ fan did.

What you just saw was evidence that Corey Perry is scum…in this case, of the slack wearing, pink button down shirt variety who showed up with fellow Duck, Joffrey Lupul, to a Kings fan’s Halloween party in Orange County. That Kings’ fan is one of our readers, Russell, who was kind enough to bring us the events and supply us with the photos of the party below.

I can hear you asking…Corey Perry? That one? Yes. This one…

If you are feeling ill, take a moment and come back.  It’s about to get worse…

Yes, that one…of the currently irrelevant Anaheim Ducks. No, those weren’t from the party. Try to keep up.

Our story begins when the whitewashed tomb, the punk who fancies himself a pugilist, the hack of a hockey player who represents all that we loathe about an Anaheim team destined for a world of suck for years to come appeared this past Saturday night at Russell’s Halloween bash.

The pink clad sphincter brought his mate, Joffrey Lupul, unimaginatively dressed as the “shake-weight” guy. They toted female friends. When each arrived and were introduced to Russell, he did as we would have. He reminded ghastly and guest that he is a Kings’ fan…and he walked away. Pink Perry was perturbed.  Irritants get dejected when they are not felt, lash out should the only thing they do well, annoy, go unnoticed.  As Pink strolled through the living room, he took the bobblehead dedicated to our 17, Superman Wayne Simmonds, from the mantle piece.  Faced with that which is more venerable than he, Pink spiked the bobblehead off a stone on the fireplace. Wayne’s head came off.

Simmonds is a titan.  His visage demands equal respect to the flesh.  The crown deserves more.  Disturbances such as this rattle the marrow.

Pink was confronted. He was told of the disrespect he had shown for Wayne’s game though Russell’s time would be better spent to remind a fairy that it litters dust or a dog of its worms. Pink then took the broken head and punted it into the neighbor’s yard with the remark “that’s what I think of his game.”

That mouth you see on TV, shooting off with gutless abandon whenever a cameraman ruins his lens with an image of Pink persists off the rink.  A shoe from a Duck to the head of King, plastic or otherwise, conjures thoughts of wounds from nave to breast, throat to brain and skin that need be rearranged.

Russell and those at the party let Pink know that they intended to get this story out.

Hilarious Getzlaf photoshop inclusion courtesy of Surly...but, per Russell, that is Lupul at the party

So that’s Lupul’s version of a costume. It’s almost as ridiculous as the Duck jersey. If you look closely at the picture, you will see Pink in the back. Here is another.

Russell foreshadowed to Pink, “when Wayne smashes your face into the boards next week, you will know why!” He then promptly put on his Kings’ colors, a Kopitar jersey, while his cousin dawned that of Simmonds. They walked past the princesses and taunted them with our 8-3 record and that of their own, to each of their heightened aggravation on display.

Fret not for the bobblehead. Russell has ordered another to replace that which was assaulted. It shall take its place again beside Kopitar and Smyth on the very same mantel piece.

To Perry we say, you have committed an act more offensive than the day your face exited your mother’s womb.

To Lupul we ask…do you even play hockey any more or just crash parties with Pink and random(s)?

It matters not, for revenge is a dish best served on ice.

Show your love to our reader and Kings’ fan, Russell!

The next time the Ducks waltz into Staples Center or you brave the sinkhole that is theirs, let Perry know that you know.

Always and forever!


Categories: L.A. Kings News

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26 replies

  1. Great story, but that photo-shopped pic of Lupul is very disturbing.

    I’m blaming you for any nightmares I have tonight.

  2. Russell sounds like a cool dude, however, if Corey Perry ever stepped in my house……. he would be promptly removed. End of story. DUCKS SUCK!!! GO KINGS!!!!

  3. Why is Lupul’s date wearing a wig? Oh oops, forgot….Halloween Party, I get it.

  4. I seriously didn’t think it was possible to loathe Perry any more than I ever had. I now know I can.

  5. This time is one week away, when “Pink” will be in OUR house. I plan on making a poster and be down at the Duck’s end for warm-ups. Please remind your readers to do the same! We must never forget the disrespect to Nite-Train!

  6. I’m sorry, but this article was a waste of my life. The story is premised on the fact that a 25 year old kid (presumably drunk), disrespected/broke a bobblehead doll at a house party. Big f’ing deal! believe it or not, kids do dumb things at parties while drunk. the real story here should be why does a grown man (russell) collect bobblehead dolls? anyways as for perry’s costume, he just wore his regular clothes and was a STANLEY CUP CHAMPION, OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALIST, MEMORIAL CUP CHAMPION, AND WORLD JUNIOR CHAMPION. pretty impressive, sort of the opposite of the unimpressive kings that haven’t won a cup ever in 43 years. how bad must you be to not be able to win a cup with wayne gretzky in his prime. pretty sad actually really sad.

    • Ducks fans are interesting. The team won a Cup. Great. So has Toronto, the Islanders and New Jersey. How are those teams today? How will they be tomorrow? About the same as your Ducks – same direction – shit, with one exception.

      The Ducks with one line, a swiss cheese of a defense, an overpaid and overrated goalie, little to no foundation of youth in the AHL or Juniors coming up are going to find themselves in that 8th to 15th spot in the West for a lot of years, a minimum of 4 to 6. It’s called the black hole. Not good enough to do anything. Not bad enough to draft high and rebuild. Just enough to suck, year in and year out.

      So, if the past keeps you warm at night, hey, have at it. Life though is lived in the present and people look to the future. Our Kings don’t have any guarantees of winning the Cup. But, they are poised to strike and to be a contending team for many years (as we are built and being modeled by our GM after the competitive class of the NHL, The Red Wings). I don’t expect you to understand what any of this took from the franchise to get to this point or a dedicated and loyal fan base. It’s been painful. The kind of pain the fickle, ignorant and bandwagoning Anaheim fans could not possibly relate to nor would have the endurance for…to make this simple for your little mind, just know that, “hey, we won the Cup” serves as your straw man argument to the question of your own ignorance and your team’s present demise today. Soon, you won’t even have that though I expect much of your fan base will be the bandwagon wing of ours shortly, yourself possibly included.

      Start practicing now, “Go Kings…” Come on little girl, you can do it, “Go Kings…”

      • give me a break. you make it sound like the ducks cup run was a fluke. let’s recap, lost in game 7 of stanley cup finals in 2003. that offseason they drafted Perry and Getzlaf in the 1st round with the 19th and 28th picks (i believe you referred to this as the “black hole”). dumped federov and lockout before 2005 season. signed niedermayer in 2005 and made it to the conference finals. they fell well short as the oilers dominated them, so they went out and acquired pronger for Lupul, Smid, and 3 draft picks. the next season their “black hole” draft picks named perry and getzlaf led them to a stanley cup championship. the following season they loss in the semi-finals to the redwings in 7 games who eventually made it to the stanley cup. sure, they aren’t looking good now, but they dumped pronger who wanted big money into his 40’s and neidermayer retired. For you to say the ducks aren’t going to go anywhere in 4-6 years is just dumb. perry, getzlaf, ryan, fowler, sbisa, etc aren’t a bad core. you sign a solid #1 D via free agency and make a trade, you’re right back in the mix.

        The kings on the other hand aren’t willing to pull the trigger on a trade or sign an elite free agent. take a chance and maybe something good might happen. lombardi is happy with being “pretty good”, but doesn’t have the balls to actually make them great. you’re not going to win a cup with that crew and you know it. give up some youngsters, draft picks, or take a chance on a free agent. in the salary cap era, your window of opportunity is short (see the blackhawks, ducks, etc.).

        so you keep telling yourself that all ducks fans say is “hey, we won the cup”. well, they did win the cup which is every franchise’s goal and have done very well in the playoffs in the past 7 years. they took chances and it paid off. let’s recap on the kings chances taken since last season…. ummm sign poni and sturm and stand pat. great idea with crosby and ovie getting better every season. that window is already closing and it barely opened. good luck though, hope you don’t have to wait 43 more years!!

        • We shall see I suppose. So far, last season and this one has proven my point. Good luck. Perhaps the 43 additional years of waiting will be yours.

        • You say that you lost to the Wings the year after the Cup. WRONG! You lost to the Brad Richard’s led Dallas Stars in the 1st round. Guess your Google search wasn’t thourough enough. Sure, it doesn’t really make a difference since the Kings didn’t make the playoffs in either year but one would think that you’d actually know your facts before you come onto a Kings blog. Your entire 2nd line of Teemu, Koivu, and Blake will probably all be gone next year. Kyle Palmieri, Dan Sexton, and Emerson Etem will not fill that gap for at least another season.

          You say we haven’t tried to take a chance. We did. It’s called Kovalchuk. How did that work out for NJ? Your window in the salary cap era is short if you go for the win it all mentality. The Blackhawks were on the track to be an elite team for a while, but then they signed a couple of bad contracts that paid off for one year, but they’re no better than the Nashville Predators this season. Detroit and Pittsburgh have seemed to build a winning team year after year in the salary cap era.

          I’m not saying that the Ducks will do absolutely nothing the next few years. They’ll probably make the playoffs here and there a couple times in the next 4-6 years. Maybe they’ll even win a round because of their experience. However, they have caught Minnesota Wild or Columbus Blue Jacket syndrome: they lower their bar of excellence to simply making the playoffs. The Ducks may be a playoff team here and there, but they are no where near, nor are they building to be, a legitimate Stanley Cup contender. And that’s the difference between the Kings and Ducks right now.

    • People who are sports fans collect bobblehead dolls. Grown, very mature men even. “kids do dumb things at parties while drunk.” Kids. Perry is supposed to be a man right?

      • do i really have to respond to this?? “grown, very mature men” collect bobblehead dolls? hahahahahah. dude, first off, if you collect bobbleheads or paint your face at games, you have issues. c’mon man, admit that you’re joking here, that’s just a ridiculous statement. and btw, Perry is 25. People still do dumb things at 25 years old, he’d barely be out of college at that age. think back to when you were 25 and try and imagine you had $10 Million dollars and a stanley cup ring, you’d probably do some crazier things than break bobblehead dolls at house parties. well then again, based on your comment above, maybe you wouldn’t have time for parties as you’d be too busy buying up all the super rare stevie yzerman and gordie howe bobblehead dolls.

        • Honestly, no you didn’t have to respond but you obviously did. People collect things, it’s called enjoying life and simple pleasures. I dont paint my face for games. I dont think people who do have issues either. They simply are passionate about somthing. Yea, your right, people at 25 are just a bunch of idiot kids fueled by alcohol. Really tho, 10 million and a cup ring, I guess that just goes along with the standard in America that the more money and glory the bigger a dick you can be. I don’t collect sports stuff. That was just a comment about people who do. I’m more of the music collector type than sports collector type. So, yea, its just a basic respect issue to me but ya know, respect is joke anyway right? Real badasses don’t have to respect anything the common man has cuz they got 10 mill and a cup ring and can get whatever they want. Anyways, I just felt like commenting on what ya wrote. it aint like it’s that big of a deal right?

          • Many Ducks’ fans lack a few things: (1) a sense of humor, as is evident from their reaction to the story (only a small batch of which you have seen), (2) common sense (their team and its downward spiral is beyond their mental grasp) and (3) hockey knowledge. The last is self evident. I am not thrusting such things on our new friend, wildwingrandomnumber (referring to his fake email address which he provided to comment here, which technically qualifies him as a troll but we tolerate for now because he amuses) but generalizing about his kind’s generalities.

        • Aren’t most people are out of college around 22?

    • Tewnty Five!!!! I hope you realize that 25 is more than old enough to know not to be disrespectful to your host. Sure, the host may not have been exactly hospitable, but if I was Perry I would have left before feeling the need to break the guys stuff. He’s a multi-millionaire for chrissakes, he shouldn’t even be at parties with SOLO cups. Twenty Friggin Five!!!

      Yeah, he’s all those things, Stanley Cup champ with a whopping 3 assists in the playoffs, Olympic Champ, Memorial Cup Champ, WJC champ, but he’s still a douchebag for breaking the guy’s stuff.

  7. I am a red wings fan since birth. Naturally, I have nothing but contempt, loathing, hatred, malice, callouness, and any other negative word to describe feelings for the ducks and namely Mr. Perry and that rat bastard Ryan Getzlaf but thats besides the point. Back on track. I am an unabashed Red Wings fan but I got respect for other teams and I enjoy the Kings brand of hockey. The Ducks I have no respect for and again mr Perry even less. This story just intensified that feeling. What scum. What immaturity. Obviously he has some sort of an inferiority complex going to have to lash out on a bobblehead of all things, of course, the bobblehead is the only thing he can beat. Gotta get alittle self confindence, even if it is assaulting a poor, defenseless bobblehead. As far as “pinks” lil tag along…..well……I always knew he was alot fruity. Go duck hunting Kings, this “fowl” behavior is just stupid.

  8. “GO DUCKS GO” the Queens always suck! even when you had the great one! and as for this story true or not? it doesnt bother me one bit as all you other lame ass complaining and writting your BS who cares….just because you are offended by the fact of what perry did? lmao wow peeps wow

    • If ya wanna break it down, it’s beyond hockey and more along the lines of complete disrespect for someone elses personal property. It may be a bobblehead but its a simple respect issue. How would you feel if some jackass came into your house party and broke some of you stuff n didn’t care?

    • OC public schools are supposed to be better than LAUSD. So your comment has me baffled, for more reason than one. Mostly just trying to decipher what you’re trying to mumble. Stay in school.


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