I’VE DISCOVERED THE KINGS’ PROBLEM

It will shock you.  Its seemingly superfluous to Kings hockey, but I tell you now, I have located the karmic energy infecting the Kings.

A source informs me that Nashville Predator forward and rehab attendee Jordin Tootoo has been working out for the last two weeks at a gym in the greater Los Angeles area.  In the interest of respecting Jordin’s privacy, we will not reveal where this gym is, but trust me when I say it is too close for comfort.  Certainly close enough for his odor to waft towards Staples Center.

Is it a coincidence that Tootoo’s arrival is directly in sync with the Kings recent struggles?  Probably.  But where is the fun in that?

Scapegoats are so much easier to wrap your head around.

To balance things out here, the source says Jordin is a very pleasant dude, ripped little hulk that he is.  So get well soon Jordin, hop on your sled and get back to Nashville where you belong.   And take this loser stink hovering over Los Angeles with you, please.



Categories: L.A. Kings News

Tags: , ,

6 replies

  1. In the time it took you to write this you could have:
    A.) Waxed your car
    B.) Took Spike for a walk
    C.) Prank called Scribe

    • cv makes a good point…although I would replace C with “written something better”

      • See what happens When the kings suck? It makes problems for everyone. Writing suffers, pleasantness evaporates.

        Also, I’d be very impressed to see the man who can wax his car in three and a half minutes.

    • Why would I walk spike, That dog is an asshole.

    • I vote for (C).

      Ring, ring..

      SJ: Hello?

      BS (in husky voice): Is this Surly Jacob?

      SJ: (Curiously) Yessss.

      BS: This is Drew Doughty and I want to talk to you about a few of your recent comments!

      SJ (Stuttering): Uhhhh, yeyeyeyess, Mr. Dougggghty,

      BS: Meet me at Roscoes in half an hour. If you get there before me, order 2 waffles and a whole fried chicken for me. And, don’t you dare get me a Diet Coke!!!

      ..the remainder of this vignette is left for the reader to complete as an exercise…

      VJ

  2. D.) Made it a through a couple months of the 2011 LA Kings Ice Crew Swimsuit Calendar.

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