So I just saw Darren Aronofsky’s Black Swan. Liked it.  Been around the ballet for a while (blame my female), so the insane psychosis is not too shocking for me.

Got me thinking.

A duck is just a retarded swan.  Malformed.  Malnourished.  Something went awry in the genetic line.  It would be like an entire race of little people with half-brains evolving from humans.  If such a thing were to occur, Orange County seems a likely candidate for such an unfortunate primordial ooze.

This thought then reminded me of a few people I met last Saturday night.  They were discussing golf and asked me if I liked tennis.  “No,” I told them, “just golf & hockey.”

Their eyes lit up.

“So you’re a Duck’s fan?”

You can imagine my response.  A string of epithets cascading down my cortex, checked at my lips only by a mild sense of manners.  Still, a burst of laughter and a quick “Are you f***ing kidding me?” made its way past my only partially functional censor.

The conversation that ensued managed to be pleasant enough.  These two knew a decent bit about hockey, unlike most of their kind.  I kept most insults veiled.  Though I think this of a great many people I meet, I can’t help but draw a correlation between their love of Duckdom and the vacant, glazed expression behind their eyes that matched the jilted nature of their logic.

I won’t go into greater detail.  The point here, if there is one, is that the Ducks suck and that my brain works in mysterious ways.

There’s a game?

Oh yes!  A hockey game.  Its been a while.  I don’t count whatever that was that took place last Saturday on Long Island as a hockey game. So what do Kings fans have in store for them tonight as they conclude a three week series of road games in the motel they store their worn, tattered and kept mistress, the Honda Center?  For starters, defenseman Davis Drewiske will see his first game action since the Nashville Predators came to town on January 6.  That’s 48 days of wearing a suit and tie, for those keeping track. Whiskey will replace Alec Martinez in the third pairing with Matt Greene.

Also busting out his formal wear will be Alexei Ponikarovsky, who gets bumped in favor of world-beater Kevin Westgarth.  I’m a little surprised that Westgarth has enough gas left in the tank to play after standing up so valiantly for Anze Kopitar after a cheap shot by Isles defenseman Travis Hamonic.  One would think that the fully deserved beating Westgarth rained upon Hamonic must have tuckered out the Kings’ enforcer but no, Kevin’s mind is fresh after thinking really hard about doing something he never did.

That leaves the Kings with a fourth line of Clifford-Lewis-Westgarth to go along with the other three new lines.




I will reserve judgement on these lines, but at first glance… me no likey.  Foresight tells me that Williams is on the wrong line and hindsight tells me that Sturm will needs a few games to get into top-line speed.

Perhaps the Ducks aren’t the only insane ones in Southern California.

Time will tell.

Quick in goal.  The expected solid performance from our goalie, a lucky bounce or two on offense and the least amount of rust from Sturm and Drewiske could just spell a win for the Kings.


**the article you have just read was brought to you by a delirious sick person and as such no responsibility will be taken for any weirdness but all disrespectful comments towards ducks or swans will be claimed as that of a clear minded individual**

Categories: L.A. Kings News

Tags: , , , , , ,

10 replies

  1. delirious, or not, that was a fine article. There are so many quotable lines! A duck is a retarded swan, “Are you f***ing kidding me” as a response to being a duck fan, and of course, ducks suck. Great job Bobby!

  2. Just a few more pieces of crown molding and my day is done. Looks like I’ll be putting my feet up and opening my beer just in time for the drop of the puck.

    If I didn’t tell you I was a little nervous about tonights game, I’d be fibbing. Let’s go gentlemen.

    Where you been Surly? We were worried you went AWOL.

  3. Me no likey tam bien!! Only solid reliable line is Stolle / Smitty / and Willie!!
    Westgarth is an enforcer? Oh.. I had forgotten. Here is a player we need to aquire if we musy have one. Would rather have plain OK good strong hitting Brownie.
    As for them damn ducks..whenever I am approached by someone wearing “that” hat, or jacket, etc. It is all I can do to stay civil
    .and not refuse them service! I remind myself
    .’Well at least they like( hopefully ) the game of hockey “..and am glad for that.

  4. Mw do likey up by a goal period one. :-)))
    GO KINGS GO!!!

  5. Why after this wonderful road trip do I have more gripes than praise. Is there something wrong with me. Am I the only one who feels this way? I can’t figure it out but I don’t really have a smile on my face after this big win….wtf!!

    • Probably because even though we won, we didn’t dominate, and it gives you the uneasy feeling that we’re just as close to having the bottom drop out, as we are to solidly securing a playof spot with great play.

  6. Haha! I wrote Bobby. Sorry Surly ;)

  7. Great article…even for a sick Surly…maybe you should get infected more often. The game itself was basically a crappy showing….with all of the injuries and births, etc. on the Ducks team, we should have beaten their asses by a much wider margin. Sturm? Really? Fuck him…I don’t care how much rust he has, he’ll never be a good fit on the Kopitar line (or the team for that matter). AND PLEASE Coach Murray…play Quick tonight. This is a big game in our division and we need to start creating some distance from the other teams.


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