Donald Meehan talks to his client Drew Doughty.

DM: “Hey Drew, how’s the offseason treating you?”

DD: “Fine.  Would be better with a contract.”

DM: “I know, but don’t worry, we’re almost done.”

DD: “Describe.”

DM: “Well that pain in the ass Lombardi keeps insisting on a 9 year deal.”

DD: “So what’s the problem?”

DM: “It’s not a 5 year deal.”

DD: “Do I want a 5 year deal?”

DM: “Of course, in the long run, a 5 year deal will make us the most money.”

DD: “Us?”

DM: “Did I say us?  I meant you.”

DD: “So I shouldn’t take the 9?”

DM: “Not if you like money.”

DD: “I like money.”

DM: “Good, a 5 year deal it is then.”

DD: “I like hockey too.”

DM: “I’m sorry, what?”

DD: “Hockey, the thing I do for a living.”

DM: “Oh that old thing?  That doesn’t even start for 3 weeks.”

DD: “Well I better be playing it in 3 weeks.”

DM: “You will.”

Donald Meehan calls Dean Lombardi.

DM: “Dean, have you reconsidered our 5 year offer?”

DL: “I have.”

DM: “And….?”

DL: “And I say 9.”

DM: “Well I’m sorry to say Dean, but Drew insists on 5.”

DL: “Does he now?”

DM: “Yup.  He’s concerned with his future, just like Steve.”

DL: “Steve who?”

DM: “Stamkos.”

DL: “Why do I care about Stamkos?”

DM: “He took a 5 year deal.”

DL: “I thought we were talking about Drew.”

DM: “We are.”

DL: “Well I want Drew for 9 years.  He wants 5.  Let’s say 7, shall we?”

DM: “7 is not 5.”

DL: “No shit.”

DM: “Drew wants 5.”

DL: “You said that already.”

DM: “And…?”

DL: “And tell Drew 7.”

DM: “I’ll try.”

Donald Meehan goes out to lunch.  Gets a massage.  Sends Brian Burke a text about Brayden Schenn.  Burke says Luke is his player.  Meehan says ‘only in theory’.  Burke breaks his phone.  Meehan goes home for the day at 2pm.  Takes the next day off.  The following day Drew Doughty calls his agent.

DD: “Don, what’s happening with my contract?”

DM: “I think I made Burke angry.”

DD: “What?”

DM: “I’m sorry, my mistake.  Aren’t you happy with your 5 year deal?  Yzerman caved pretty quickly.”

DD: “This is DREW DOUGHTY!”

DM: “Drew, my man, what’s shaking superstar?”

DD: “Do.  I.  Have.  A.  Contract?”

DM: “Dean keeps insisting on 9 years.  I told him you want 5.”

DD: “How about 7?”

DM: “But you want 5.”

DD: “7 is fine.”

DM: “5 is better.”

DD: “Ok…”

DM: “I’ll get you 5.”

DD: “Get me a contract.”

DM: “You got it Luke.”

DD: “Drew”

DM: “Steve.”

DD: “Drew!”

DM: “5 year deal coming up.”

DD: “I’ll take 7.”

DM: “I’m sorry Drew, I’m going through a tunnel, you’re breaking up.”

DD: “I can hear you just fine.”

DM: “Fine?  A 5 year deal is fine?  I know that Drew, I’ll make it happen!”

DD: “I’M FINE WITH SEVEN!”

DM: “I agree, 5 is heaven.  Got a call on the other line, gotta go superstar”

Click.

DL: “Donald.”

DM: “Dean.”

DL: “Did you tell Drew about the 7 year offer?”

DM: “I did.”

DL: “And…”

DM: “And he wants 5.”

DL: “So what are we gonna do?”

DM: “You want to prank call Burke?”

DL: “You bet your ass I do!”

Now get back to work.  It’s 12pm on a Tuesday.  Nothing happens at 12pm on a Tuesday.

Categories: L.A. Kings News, Surly & Scribe Skits

Tags: Brian Burke, Dean Lombardi, Don Meehan, Drew Doughty