In Defense of Paranoia

Maybe it’s just a symptom of severe nicotine withdrawal to cascade through the abstract.

Maybe not.

Maybe what I am thinking is not even worth repeating. But here I find myself, beside a ghost in a tinfoil hat breathing asthmatically in my ear. Are things going better in the Doughty negotiations than Dean wants us to believe?

Two separate factors lead my brain down this convoluted trail. The first bramble my pants catch on shows me that the closer we get to camp and the more we hear of offers being declined by Drew, the more the fan base directs its anxiety squarely on Doughty’s shoulders. One can only defer anger towards an agent for so long. Team first, as they say. Third parties, like wheels and the second guy in the wrong kind of threesome, suck. Public perception does mean something. You can subscribe to the belief that the plutocracy tells the masses what to think but if you must cling to capitalism then you also must accept that mass opinion dictates where money is spent. Having the public on your side is never a bad thing. But now the cut on my leg is bleeding rather profusely. Thoughts dance on feet and on wings. Where the hell was I going?

Another patch of dastardly sharp branches tear at my flesh. We heard lots of information about Doughty. That information went viral. Then the information essentially stopped. If it was entirely wrong, why care at all? Tidbits sprout in many colors from many different terrains. He will sign by camp. No, he won’t. They’re close, they’re far. Sounds contemptuous, but they swear it’s not while, at the same time, vowing not to swear at all. Where do the vested interests lie?

And now the Kings consume LGK (letsgokings.com). The two most popular places for the Kings online fans swallowed up under the safe and warm marsupial belly folds of the organ-eye-zation. Don’t tell me public opinion isn’t important. Control is always important.

Who will control Doughty’s future? The Kings, Drew or his agent? Years and NTCs seem to be of bigger concern than cash money. Not ordinary for sports negotiations but seemingly more applicable and appalling in this situation. Control is everything. Keeping the public guessing is control. Can Dean control Drew? Not in the end. Can he control the public? He can try. Who, or what, can he control?

There is now coagulated blood clotted in my crusted eyelids. It’s hard to see. There is a quiet man in the distance. Many loud specters to either side. Bobby is of the latter. Clamoring and cajoling and cavorting, flapping peacock feathers at the emperors in their new clothes. The one at the center says nary a word, as the rest convince themselves of the quiet one’s convictions. When the quiet speak, the loud listen and the smartest man in the room reveals a mushroom. When we are all offered a bite, everything is forgotten and the quiet controls the noisy.

I really need a cigarette.



Categories: L.A. Kings News

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29 replies

  1. Ah, I love it when Surly gets in these moods. Read this article slowly kids. There are some hidden gems in there.

  2. That was either completely brilliant, or completely incoherent. I think I’m too stupid or too tired to know. Maybe I’ll try again in the morning…

  3. I picture a rabbit with an oversized watch. He’s running down a hole in the neighbors yard, and complaining that he’s late. He says “Yes! misdirection is working well in misdirecting the misdirected” He then introduces himself “I am the contract, have you seen my Doughty?” fires off a cannon and scurries off while smoking a joint, and singing show tunes. LOL

  4. Oh for Chrissakes, just light one up if you need to! In goes the bad smoke, out goes the bad smoke, in goes the bad smoke, out goes . . .

    Both you and that twisted bastard Scribe have completely fucked up my summer with Drew’s Blues. You’ve made me spastic with predictions and linguistic analysis and inside dope and so much up-to-the-minute chazerai I can’t tell if I’m coming or going. And I know less now than before I got strung out on this website.

    Enough awready about what DL’s offering. What is it that Doughty wants? What is DL reacting to? Is there some proposal that HE’s rejecting?

    C’mon. Let’s have it! My arm is tied off and my vein is popping and ready. Just cook up some rumor and innuendo and gimme a dose.

    I mean . . . it’s not like I can score this shit in MacArthur Park.

  5. I can’t wait for the “State of the Kings” at the Hockey Fest on Sunday. Wonder if Solomon will be there again?

    • Behave. Don’t run up to him and say, “Bobby Scribe says you offered 7 YEARS AND $50 MILLION! WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT?” and before he has a chance to answer, scream “LIAR!!!”, give a Jim Carrey laugh, then turn around and skip out of there.

  6. I’m amazed how this site keeps talking about Doughty. I have a idea the less he is talked about the better it is. Just keep the thoughts inside of our human medulla oblongata..

    • There will be more to talk about soon enough. Things like real life hockey games and ice girls. I kind of like your ostrich mentality. I would talk about hockeyfest but I’m not going and don’t particularly care.

  7. Can you write an obituary on Heidi Androl? I’m deeply saddened with the tragic news of her abandonment of FSW network.

  8. Big Bummer I cannot go this year!
    .sacrificed The Fest to go to my first Frozen Fury.
    I will also be waiting to hear what is said during the State of the Kings address. And from S&S and they blog throughout the day ; )
    GO KINGS GO!!!

  9. Kinda reminds me of “Nights in While Saten”
    GO KINGS GO!!!

  10. oh Surly watch it.. talking to a female here.. and that just does not sound fun to me :/
    GO KINGS GO!!!

  11. Oh boy.. F’s that one up.. Nights in White Saten..

  12. For those missing Heidi, the marketing department is busily working on an even hotter version. They have bought the torso and are putting the finishing touches in the looks department. It shouldn’t be long until another attractive talking head who has little to no interest in hockey will be around to ogle while a real hockey fan misses out on a chance at a dream job.

    Not me by the way, I am too thick to read from the teleprompter but there are other women out there who are died in the wool King fans who I think would do a really great job.

    Nothing against Heidi, she did the best she could.

  13. Other women than Heidi I meant.

  14. Lombardi also said he might try to speak to Doughty directly, though Doughty doesn’t have to agree and can request that Lombardi talk to Meehan instead.

    “I feel very confident I will be able to look Drew in the eye as well as the players in the room. Of that part, there is no doubt in my mind,” Lombardi said. “I don’t have a problem saying that publicly. That being said, I do think that at some point here I have to say, ‘Look, here’s what we’re doing and why and here’s why I think it’s fair.’ “

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