Top 10 Goods Or Services S&S Will Offer Drew Doughty If He Signs Before Camp

Since Surly & I don’t have the sufficient millions to offer, we came up with the second and third best thing to provide Drew Doughty if he signs before camp…unfortunately, we both realized that sex (#2) with Drew really doesn’t work because neither Surly nor I are of that persuasion (not that there is anything wrong with that) and giving Drew drugs (#3) seems counterproductive to a great season. Fortunately, we put our minds together and still managed to come up with 10 different goods or services we could offer Drew. Taken separately or as a whole, they should more than make up for the gap in dollars that exist between Drew & Dean and make this signing happen.

10. Show him nude photos of Scarlett Johansson

9. Not show him nude photos of Terry Murray

8. A six-pack of Stone Ruination…minus two bottles

7. Free legal services for life

Offer limited to residents of the State of California with no Canadian heritage whatsoever with a minimum of four Norris Trophy nominations and two awards of same. Not valid with any other offer. Offer unenforceable at the earliest of 48 hours after acceptance or the first full moon

6. Matthew Barry’s social security number, date of birth, computer passwords and the services of pre-paid hacker

5. All the non-professional L.A. tail he can handle

4. Acquiring Dean’s written agreement to never look Drew in the eyes

3. Round trip tickets to Philadelphia on non-game days with discount coupons to all the local bars or, in the alternative,…

2. A local African-American friend

And the number 1 thing we will offer Drew Doughty if he signs before camp…

1. The opportunity to do his fucking job



Categories: L.A. Kings News, Surly & Scribe Top 10 list

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35 replies

  1. Technically, Simmonds was Canadian so the term African American wouldn’t quite fit. In this case, do we just use the non pc, yet totally acceptable term of black? Or would he be African Canadian?

  2. If he signs, he’ll also get 47.6 million dollars over the next 7 years.

  3. Some one needs to date rape drug d.d s agent, and d.d and wake them up as the new bitches at.the donkey show. May a big donkey dick jizzzzz all over your sorry face drew, im sick of your lack of ? Well? Anything to say regarding your stupid sherade. Drew you play hockey, you are offered millions of dollars, I know lots of hard working americans who could stand to get paid more, teachers doctors , fuck , me, shut up have fun with sitting you lil girl, yes im calling you a girl, im 6ft2 and 235 lbs of a irish kick boxer so f yo and I get paid shit .

  4. I’m gettin tired of this Doughty shit. I am really angry at the prick and his asshole agent…

  5. Have a look at the Hammond poll on Doughty. Looks like Drew is entering Blake country.

    Oh! Did he sign yet?

  6. Freaking hillarious!!!

    Here are a few that you missed.

    A plate of Mega T REX poutine from LaBanquise in Montreal. One of the greatest and most wrong meals in the known universe and one that DD has had before and claims to have loved all of it.

    An only partly used (missing one chocolate shake) coupon book from In n Out. Value $50 dollars.

    The keys to “douch boys doughnuts” (honestly was spelled that way for years) for one weekend. (should only cost about $50 bucks, their doughnuts are cheap or were way back when I had some.

    One brand new “Fry Daddy” home frier.

    An unopened copy of the entire series of “Corner Gas” dvd’s. (really funny).

    FInally, all of the fans in Los Angeles undying love and respect that goes up with every free agent year that he sign for past 2 at the rate of $6.8mper.

    If he doesn’t sign though I think we need to have either a yard sale or some sort of exchange of goods.

  7. How about we promise not to throw doughnuts at him in the tunnel if he signs. Otherwise, prepare to hurl crullers and maple bars.

  8. I think DD likes BJ’s. lol

    Can you add a #11?

  9. Drew Doughty, wherever you are, come back soon. Yes, you have proven that you are worth more than most players and you will make more than most of the fans.

    Just remember that your monetary worth is directly related to your fitness, dedication, and fanbase. Without those, you have no monetary worth. Come back soon, Drew.

  10. Look you’re (we’re?) getting used as an example of upset fans over at the royal half: http://theroyalhalf.com/2011-articles/september/short-term-memory-long-term-contract.html

    Namely this line: In fact, some fans are not taking too kindly to Doughty’s decision to skip team physicals tomorrow in El Segundo.

    Hah.

    • Wow. Whoever runs that site really likes Drew Doughty. He’s bashing the hell out of everyone with passive aggressive absurdity.

  11. I love the seinfeld reference……..Doughy needs to fucking sign already…..and no I didn’t misspell his name …he will forever be known as Doughy til he shows up with a Lidstrom six pack or win me a cup

    • This comment sums it up for me I think. Lets start talking about the team and just forget about Doughty rumors until he signs or is traded:

      “Camp starts tomorrow with 63 players. Doughty has chosen not to be one of them because apparently he can’t sleep at night unless he makes more money than Anze Kopitar? So at this point what Dean should do is pull the existing offers off the table and replace them with a lower one and then treat Doughty like a spoiled child and ignore him. Lombardi should decline questions about Doughty and direct the team and TM to do the same. No one should even speak his name, and we should take the ice with a VERY good hockey team, reel off about ten wins in a row and never look back. If Doughty wants to sit on his butt in Saskatoon drinking Molsons, so be it. I’m convinced we don’t need him. And when we’re in first place in the west, and the right team makes the right offer we should wash our hands of him and his agent. How great would it be to see Jack Johnson or Alec Martinez have a Norris candidate year? And with that, as long as he holds out I shall no longer speak of Drew Doughty and I think the franchise should do the same. We’re busy now and we’ve no time for him,,,,, it’s hockey season!” – 40YearKingsFan

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