I love my vegetable garden. It is my pride. It is my joy. As the fall vegetables move toward harvest and the winter ones remain on deck, I am fortunate to have year round peppers that flourish – these include Serrano, Cayenne and the hottest Habanero peppers you have tasted this side of Mexico. Unfortunately, my pleasure is often interrupted by these green opportunistic mercenaries who are a menace to my delight.
Bastard!
They eat my leaves. They eat my vegetables. They make me angry. Very angry. Today, after finding one on my Habanero plant, I went through a range of emotions.
Death By Size 11
I didn’t want to clean my shoe…
Fat Green Caterpillar Meets 245/45ZR20
Not cruel enough…
Hammer Time!
Too messy…
Half The Caterpillar He Used To Be
I can hear it from the wife, “you used my scissors?!”…
Caterpillar Launched 280 Yards...With A Slight Draw
Police Officer: “Sir, is this your caterpillar?”
Me: “It was.”
Police Officer: “It struck your elderly neighbor who lives 280 yards down your street. She was in her back yard.”
Me: “Oh”
So.
What am I to do with this trespasser?
As I pondered its demise…
My Daughter: “Daddy, what do you have there?”
Me: [crap!]: “Oh, nothing honey, it’s just a caterpillar.”
My Daughter: “A caterpillar! I want to see!! I want to see!!”
Me: [Sigh. Showing it to her]
My Daughter: “Oh, it is so cute! Are we going to drop him off at a tree so his mommy and daddy can pick him up?”
[a tradition started by my wife to which I have never consented]
Me: “Uh…sure, honey. We can do that.”
My Daughter: “Cool! I will go get my shoes!”
Me to Caterpillar, bringing him close: “This is your shot at redemption. You get one…”
Caterpillar to Me: “…”
My Daughter, shoes on: “Let’s go!”
We trekked a couple of blocks down our street until we reached a dirt trail with rows of large trees that parallel a small stream. I picked a tree that is full of green leaves…and hungry birds. My daughter placed the caterpillar on one such leaf and waved goodbye. My scowl temporarily turned into a smile.
Tomorrow night, we play the Anaheim Ducks. There will be no mercy. No redemption. Only visceral hatred and rage. We will not drop live ducks off at any pond. Our L.A. Kings will slaughter them on the ice and send their symbolic corpses in caskets, small and narrow, to rot back in Orange County. Preseason or not, only one result is acceptable. Bring your lungs to Staples Center.
GO KINGS!
Lol. Nice picture story.
You have done your nice deed today collectively for the Kings and their fans.
Tonight should be nothing short of brutality and death.
Tomorrow night…small typo that I cannot believe somebody caught before me (below). What the hell Matt! Did you read the post in the first 2 seconds it was posted?
I think it was just weird timing. I am not a stalker….as far as you know. Hopefully there will be more fans than we had on Wednesday. Good things are going to happen this season. With or without Drew.
Damn, now I look like an uninformed Kings fan *cries*
We play them on Sunday, not tonight.
Do you think the caterpillar will blend?
Talking about it will only make me angry again.
Did you give your wife access to this blog? It must have been hijacked by some garden nut with a feel for an over sized maggot. Get back to Kings hockey…and not as a footnote. Either that or turn the reign over to Surly.
(it’s like a home & garden mag…cheezus…)
Hey, just because I have a garden and am a damn good cook doesn’t mean I can’t kick your ass
I know they do the whole catfish and octopus thing but would throwing a dead duck on the ice at a ducks game be crossing any lines?
.. You’ve really lost it this time, man.
It makes me proud to be here.
LET’S GO KINGS!!! Nice pics BTW….oh, and I will take some Habanero’s if that damn caterpillar didn’t destroy them all!
Hell no. More Habaneros than I need.
Anaheim Caterpillars would be a better name.
JT Dutch: “.. You’ve really lost it this time, man.
It makes me proud to be here.”
I agree, 100%!
Glad to see I’m not the only one consumed by violent rage when my pepper plants are threatened.
According to the sports experts, the LA Kings are at the front of the pack this season as Cup contenders. The first number is from Bodog and 2nd one from Sportsbook. The lower the value, the better the odds of winning.
If I use Sportsbook’s numbers there are 10 teams with values 1200 or less. Equally divided between conferences.
West would be listed from most favored on down.
Vancouver
LA, Wings, SJ tied (with SJ slight favorite with Bodog)
Chicago
We need to beat 3 teams to make it to the Cup finals. If the odds hold up, we will be meeting Vancouver for the Western Conf finals. Which we should have a Very good shot at beating.
For the Cup finals, we would then meet Washington for the Cup. I think I’m looking at this right.
Odds to Win the 2011-2012 Stanley Cup
Anaheim Ducks +2500, +3000
Boston Bruins +1000, +800
Buffalo Sabres +1800, +1200
Calgary Flames +4000, +4000
Carolina Hurricanes +4500, +4000
Chicago Blackhawks +1200, +1200
Colorado Avalanche +6500, +7500
Columbus Blue Jackets +7500, +5000
Dallas Stars +4000, +5000
Detroit Red Wings +1200, +1000
Edmonton Oilers +6500, +6000
Florida Panthers +7500, +7500
Los Angeles Kings +1400, +1000
Minnesota Wild +7000, +6000
Montreal Canadiens +2500, +2500
Nashville Predators +2800, +3000
New Jersey Devils +3000, +2500
New York Islanders +8000, +5000
New York Rangers +3000, +3500
Ottawa Senators +7000, +10000
Philadelphia Flyers +1100, +1200
Phoenix Coyotes +3500, +4000
Pittsburgh Penguins +1000, +800
San Jose Sharks +1100, +1000
St Louis Blues +5000, +4000
Tampa Bay Lightning +1600, +1800
Toronto Maple Leafs +5000, +4000
Vancouver Canucks +700, +600
Washington Capitals +700, +800
Winnipeg Jets +6000, +5000
That was fun to look at. I started geeking out and had to force myself to stop.
I have a title for your story, “Bobby, His Beautiful Little Girl and the Catepillar named Meehan”
Lots of pro-Lombardi birds in that tree I bet.
It’s better that you don’t name it. Name it and you become attached to it…though in this case, that name may have accelerated its demise.
Dude, that’s some funny shit!