The Rich Hammond & Terry Murray Interview You Won’t Read Anywhere Else…

So, Surly did the noble thing and decided to go to Kansas City for the Kings v. Penguins game. His boss technically told him he couldn’t have the day off, but I suggested Surly pull a homeless guy off the street, take him to work and let the man just stand there holding a video camera because nobody would notice. I am told it worked.

Given his stealth nature and ability to blend, Surly somehow got behind the scenes without a press pass. He just sent me the handwritten transcript of an interview between Rich Hammond and Terry Murray he overheard where Rich asked some uncharacteristically direct and poignant questions of our coach and Terry actually…well, it’s just better you read it for yourself although don’t expect this interview to ever hit the light of day anywhere else. In fact, you can consider this a Surly & Scribe exclusive.

Hammond: “So, that was another tough loss in a shootout.”

Murray: “It was but I liked a lot of what I saw out there. We were competing, playing a heavy game, good checking and we did score 2 goals so we met our quota.”

Hammond: “Wait. Quota? The team has a quota for goals?”

Murray: “…”

Hammond: “I mean…ok, so you used the word quota, what, er, what did you mean by that?”

Murray: “You don’t know what quota means?”

Hammond: “Uh. I do, but not in this context I guess.”

Murray: “How long have you been the [making the quotation sign with his hands] ‘beat writer’ for this team?”

Hammond: “Since 2009, I think. Yeah. 2009.”

Murray: “uh huh and in that time, have you noticed about how many goals we average per game?”

Hammond: “Two?”

Murray: “Next question.”

Hammond [clearing throat]: “So, you didn’t put Andrei Loktionov in the shootout tonight. Why was that?”

Murray: “He scored a goal last game on the breakaway and…” [Murray’s voice drops into an inaudible mumble]

[awkward pause]

Hammond: “He met his quota?”

Murray: “He met his quota.”

Hammond: “Oh, the Phoenix game! The Kings scored 3 goals in that game, so that exceeded this quota, right?”

Murray: “The Phoenix game in Phoenix…”

Hammond: “Yes?”

Murray [sighs]: “And who coached that game?”

Hammond: “John Stevens…”

Murray: “John Stevens…that man has no discipline.”

Hammond: “Did the line changes you make before the game have their intended effect?”

Murray: “They satisfied my need for random and senseless change, so yes.”

Hammond: “Do you intend more changes before the next game?”

Murray: “Does lightning come in a bottle?”

Hammond: “Yes?”

Murray: “Yes.”

Hammond: “There are some who question the line changes as being inconsistent with your goal of chemistry, any response to that?”

Murray: “Are you referring to those Surly & Scribe idiots?”

Hammond: “Kind of…”

Murray: “Yeah, that Doughty deal sure is done in principle, huh?”

[Hammond and Murray laugh]

[Surly scowls]

Murray: “Consider the source…”

Let’s thank Surly for once again sacrificing life, limb and dignity to bring us this interview. I understand there is a bit of bad news to report however. It seems that homeless guy worked out a little better than expected and, well, Surly is out of a job, but hey…



Categories: L.A. Kings News, Surly & Scribe Skits

Tags: , , , ,

19 replies

  1. hahah great “interview”…. great song as well.

  2. I know what the stamp over HWSNBP’s sig is. I lold.

  3. Hammond: “Oh, the Phoenix game! The Kings scored 3 goals in that game, so that exceeded this quota, right?”

    Murray: “The Phoenix game in Phoenix…”

    Hammond: “Yes?”

    Murray [sighs]: “And who coached that game?”

    Hammond: “John Stevens…”

    Murray: “John Stevens…that man has no discipline.”
    :D Now that shit’s funny!

  4. But, but, but… we actually scored on the power play? No love for Kompon???

  5. Quota line very nearly funniest thing I have read on this site.

  6. Scoring is behind technically because in 4 games we’ve only scored 7. So the next game we’re going to score 3, bank on it!

  7. Here is something you will never see during TM’s time in LA…

    http://www.kuklaskorner.com/index.php/hockey/comments/bolts_getting_on_the_same_page/

    way too much creative thinking for that old dog.

  8. That was pretty damn funny:) Now where the F is DD? I want this crap to end before we leave for Europe.

    Anyway keep the funny coming and I think this helps us get through the crap that’s going on.

  9. Too funny!
    So glad that Surly was willing to “take one for the team” …see I used quotes to place the right emphasis on the right syllable!!!

    ps: don’t forget to get in the unemployment line early Surly, crowds you know now.

    • Dont worry about me. I’m not a foreigner, but seeing as Bobby is, I’m sure he can give me plenty of advice for mooching off the government ;)

      (PS- if this comment upsets anyone then I owe you a banana and a homophobic slur because you my fairy friend, peel to easily)

  10. I really wish part of the reorganization was firing TM. I’m so insanely sick of him.

    This “interview” has too much truth in it to be funny. It’s depressing.

  11. TM is gonna be angry…Kings breaking their Quota against Colorado.

  12. Kings destroyed the quota tonight. 6-0 with 3 PP goals.

    Voynov with 1 and 1. Johnson with 3 assists. Kopitar with the hat trick.

    Kings will be shutout the next two games. ;)

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