Best Quote Ever? Maybe It’s Just The Moment’s Hysteria

From the lips of Tim Leiweke, brought to us by Rich Hammond.

“…we spent more money this summer than in the history of this franchise. We always said, if we get close, we will come with our guns blazing, and we just blazed. I’m glad it’s done. I want our fans to understand that now, this is all about creating an environment to win the Cup, and that’s what Drew is going to help us do. We don’t look back. We only look forward now, and eight years is a good forward.”

He mentioned winning the cup, an old Western style gun fight and a colloquialism for smoking pot all in one sentence.

I find it interesting that Tim is the one we get the first quotes from tonight. Drew is probably asleep in his Kings covers, his Gretzky alarm clock waiting to wake him up in time for the first flight to Los Angeles. Dean is probably passed out in a puddle of urine and drool, seizing with a smirk on his exhausted face. Meehan is sleeping soundly on a bed of liquid gold and though Leiweke praises him, he can still blow me. Quisp speculated the last few days since Helene Elliott’s candid interview with Leiweke that his words likely were a prelude to what just happened. It’s like the AEG mouthpiece, often and justly maligned, came in this week as if he were a fucking Hindu deity over a battlefield and with statements that both soothed and stung, like sugar on a grapefruit, swept the combatants aside, crushed one of their faces and kissed another.

He stroked their shlongs while burning their buttholes. That probably makes little to no sense, but really, in this moment, does it matter? Do we care? Is there anything more cathartic than this very instant in your hockey life? We haven’t won a cup YET, so this victory is about as purposeful a one as we’ve ever experienced.

If you found yourself believing in the past months that Drew Doughty (god it feels good to type that name again!) is a greedy prick, you were justified and may still be right.

If you found yourself thinking that Dean Lombardi is a stubborn douche bag, you too were justified and are most certainly still right.

The point is that none of this matters. When the number 8 blasts a stupid Duck through boards and a rubber puck through a mesh of white twine, when the Crown kisses the Cup, this summer of torment will matter not one bit.

The terms are fair. 8 years is more than the Kings’ last reported offer, 7 million bucks per year is more than Anze Kopitar makes. You give a little, you get a lot.

If Drew doesn’t play up to this contract, I’ll lead the lynch mob. But I’m fresh out of rope and the fire on my torch has been smothered and replaced by a brighter one in the cockles of my heart. All of my cockles.

Drew Doughty, that prick, that god given talent, that greedy ass amazing cocky smart ass goofy looking chubby cheeked incredible to watch lovable monstrosity Ray Bourque in the making is a King for a time a third longer than he has been on this planet. No arbitration to come. No early UFA bolting to worry about. No monstrous cap hit that will stop this team from acquiring the necessary pieces to etch their names in Stanley’s history.

No games missed in this season, the season of our comeuppance.

Rejoice, rejoice. We’ve got no choice.

Need I say it?

I must.


Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to pack for Frozen Fury. See you fools in Vegas.

Rationality can wait for Sunday’s hangover.

Categories: L.A. Kings News

Tags: , ,

18 replies


  2. Signed in time to party in Vegas without having to play the game.

  3. Stroked schlongs, burned buttholes, hindu deity…an apocalyptic vision manifesting upon the forehead of an unlikely man.

  4. What else is there to say except: Go Kings Go!

  5. Wait, I get the stubborn part, but why is Dean Lombardi a douche bag?

  6. Celebration time guys!!!
    Everyone take a moment to feel some pure hapiness.. joy.. and love of our sport and Kings!
    GO KINGS GO!!!

  7. OK but really… wasn’t it just a guy they already had signing a contract extension at some level? Yeesh.

  8. Best quote ever??? Screw Lieweekly, this is definitely the best quote I have read on here and you guys have come up with some real gems.

    “He stroked their shlongs while burning their buttholes”

    You guys are fucking killing me bwahahahahaha
    This is why I come here, please keep them coming.

    Pulitzers all around!

  9. Shirts are being made right now with “guns a blazing” I am just happy this is finally done.

  10. hmm…read the other post and same comment…yawn!
    Gee so glad he is here to become the entire team and score goals and be the goalie and run the zamboni and toss t-shirts to the crowds….possibly I am still in my “OVER HIM” phase….

    Can’t wait to see his 43 goals in Vegas…..

  11. TL is someone who chews with his mouth open talks louder then normal when trying to make a point and has been known to tip back a few over the years (nothing wrong with it). I know worse things to say about him but that is true with anyone.

    What I will say about him regarding the Kings is this, TL wants more than anything else to be a part of bringing a Stanley Cup to Los Angeles and is a heart on his sleeve kind of person.

    We are all dicks and bitches but anyone who wants to see the Kings lift the Stanley Cup in Los Angeles is my brother or sister.

    DD is signed.

    Now comes the hardest part and that is doing whatever else it takes from here to bring us the cup no matter what.



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