Devils Try To Guilt Zach Parise Into Staying…It Won’t Work

When I heard the New Jersey Devils gave the C to Zach Parise, my immediate response was pfft.

I then realized what they are doing. It’s like an impending breakup. Your chick is hot, real hot. She has breasts that can provide shade for a small boy, a little waist, slender hips, big brown eyes and beautiful lips. She is charming, sweet and has a bachelor’s degree in Pilates. There is one problem. You sense she’s not in love with you anymore. She loves you, she’s just not “in love” with you. You may live together now but your discussions resemble polite conversation and you suspect she may have eyes for someone else. A lot of cell phone calls are taken in another room and often in whispers. She has never said she is leaving you. She even has a reassuring laugh and kind words for you every once in a while but her eyes tell the real story. She’s lost that loving feeling, woah, that loving feeling.


Goalie Martin Brodeur was asked how he thought Parise would measure up to past captains like Scott Stevens, Scott Niedermayer, Elias, Bruce Driver and Jamie Langenbrunner.

“He’s got to stay here. That’s the bottom line,” Brodeur said, referring to the fact Parise has only a one-year contract. “That’s how we’re going to know how good he is as a captain.”

Nice guilt trip there, Marty.

Of course, many observers will wonder whether Devils’ management decided to give the captaincy to Parise hoping it will convince him to stay beyond this season.

“I wasn’t in those meetings, so I don’t know,” Parise said with a laugh.

Will it work?

“Yes,” he answered with another laugh.

Sometimes women lie.

Categories: L.A. Kings News

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15 replies

  1. Silly Devils, tricks are for Kings. Mike Richards came over to us as a Captain from Philly, we can do the same here!

  2. Wow Marty … just STAYING on a team is enough to make a good Captain?

    Those are some low ass standards.

    • It’s especially funny when you consider Marty is essentially disregarding this season, which very well could be his last season. This is Marty subconsciously admitting that the Devils are going to suck again this year, one way or another.

  3. so i guess this is my answer from the other post? hahah on yahoo parise said he wanted to stay with the them. maybe he was just being nice since they gave him the C?

  4. Penner, Parse, and Drewiske for Parise???

  5. Parise in a new Silver and Black jersey would be a damn sexy thing. Will be. Positive thinking. Will be.

    • Parise in a Kings jersey would be mighty hot…. but sexy to describe these boring non-colored home-plate rags is laughable. I be keeping my purple and hope we add it again in the near future.

  6. I like my women with blue or green eyes. But I could fall in love with Parise in silver and black.

  7. Well the Devils probably won’t be able to compete on the open market when he is an UFA. Reason: They overpaid that Russian fucker, and there is no cap space left. Nice move Lou. I have absolutely no sympathy for the Devils organization…

  8. Here’s to hoping that we get Parise in a Kings uniform. The Devils are the logical choice for ZP for many reasons but one major one and that is the cash. The Devils really are going to struggle being able to put together the kind of cash offer that ZP is going to be looking for unless things change drastically.

    That and the fact that the Devils are going to have to make a few moves before they become contenders again and with Marty on his way out this will make things even worse.

    ZP is going to be the high dollar ticket for next year and I see us falling short again after sending a few celebs 99 the front office topo gigio a few L.A. strippers (the kind with all their teeth, a rarity in N.J.) an oki dog and a contract for his own sports cooking dancing show on fox television.

    ZP will go to where the most cash plus the best chance of winning a cup will be. We should be in the running but I don’t see ZP in a Kings uni. Still, you never know. Maybe he will succumb to Danny’s world famous chili pastrami and dog wrapped in his own hand made tortillas. It has made addicts out of some pretty huge celebs and atheletes already. Why not ZP?

  9. That was quite a scenario…

  10. This is how it’ll go down: Brodeurs imminent retirement means the Devils need a goalie. At the trade deadline the Devils will be sellers. Bernier and Parse for Parise with some kind of guarantee that Parise re-signs with the Kings in the off-season.

  11. Seeing as how WE are the other guy you want the bitch in the next room whispering to over her cell phone, I hate to disappoint your hopes.

    Parise won’t be leaving the Devils. How nice it would be to replace old refuse with fresh, hot, bubbling sperm. “OUT goes the bad Penner, IN comes the good Parise.”

    Before that happens you’ll find him at the bottom of the Hudson with his feet in cement and an “LL” carved on his dick.

    Wish-fulfillment dreams are so much better when your wish can actually be fulfilled.


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