I don’t know how he does it. Surly has literally risked life and limb for you in the past. Just this season, he sacrificed work, traveled to Kansas City & brought us an interview with Terry Murray you won’t read anywhere else as well as, more recently, undercover to spy on a meeting between Murray & Dustin Penner.

Now, with no one to top but himself, he has ascended once more to an actual interview with Terry Murray. He did this while posing as Rich Hammond. Surly doesn’t climb mountains. He is a mountain. Enjoy.

[phone ringing]

Terry Murray: “Hello?”

Surly Jacob: “Terry, Surl…Rich Hammond here, how are you?”

Murray: “Oh, hi Rich. What’s up?”

Surly: “Not much, not much…just wanted to ask you a few questions about your decision to start Jonathan Quick in the back to back today.”

Murray: “Oh…but, I just saw you 30 minutes ago and we talked about that.”

Surly: “I know, but I had some follow-up questions…”

Hammond: “hhhmmm…hhhhmmmm!!”

Surly: [Kicks a tied and gagged Hammond, who is on the floor in the bathroom stall]: “Shut up!”

Murray: “Excuse me?”

Surly: “Nothing! Nothing. Just being pestered by some Avalanche fans. So do you mind if I ask you some additional questions?”

Murray: “Yeah. I mean, no, no, ask away.”

Surly: “Great…before the season, you said you didn’t want to go with a set goalie rotation but rather play the hot hand…”

Murray: “I did, which is why Quick is playing tonight.”

Surly: “Riiight…but Quick got the start against the Devils after three consecutive shutouts and two days rest.”

Murray: “Is that a question?”

Surly: “Do you want it to be?”

Murray: “Not really.”

Surly: “Then, yes, it’s a question.”

Murray: “Well, we were beginning a road trip and, as I said then, I thought it was important to get Bernier some playing time so Quick could remain fresh, especially with three Western Conference games coming up at that time.”

Surly: “But, here we are, back to back games, and 13 out of our next 14 games are against Western Conference teams and two of those are back to back. What has changed?”

Murray: “My opinion.”

Surly: “Um…on what?”

Murray: “On my last opinion.”

Surly: “Don’t you consider that irresolute?”

Murray: “Well, define irresolute.”

Surly: “I am referring to your changing opinion.”

Murray: “No, I mean, define irresolute. I don’t know what that means.”

Surly: “Oh. It means to flip flop. To be indecisive.”

Murray: “What is the question?”

Surly: “Do you consider your goalie decisions irresolute?”

Murray: “I am undecided.”

Surly: “Coach, is this really about a lack of confidence in Bernier because he has lost both games he started?”

Murray: “Is this off the record?”

Hammond: [Eyes Wide!] “hmmm!!!…hmmhhmmmhmm!!!”

Surly: [strikes Hammond with his cell phone]

Murray: “What was that?”

Surly: “Er, nothing. Just dropped my phone. And yes…of course, this is off the record.”

Murray: “What is?”

Surly: “You asked me if your answer was going to be off the record and, yes, it is, so please tell me if you are playing Quick due to a lack of confidence in Bernier.”

Murray: “No.”

Surly: “No, you don’t lack confidence in Jonathan Bernier?”

Murray: “Yes.”

Surly: “Wait…do you lack confidence in Bernier or not?”

Murray: “Of course not.”

Surly: “Then why did you ask me if your answer was going to be off the record?”

Murray: “Because, at the time, I had a different answer.”

Surly: “What? What happened?”

Murray: “I became irresolute.”

Surly: “Christ…”

Murray: “So, Rich, you know I always enjoy our discussions but I do have to get back to work here.”

Surly: “Of course, if I can change gears and ask you a few questions about Dustin Penner…”

Hammond: [Breaks Free!] “YOU BASTARD!!”

Surly: “Shit!!! OkcoachitwasfuntotalktoyoubutIgottago!!!”