So I’m driving down the streets of LA and I see Kopitar’s face looming over a building up ahead. I get elated for a second, the same old vascular inflaming sensation I receive when I think about the Kings, because I’m weird and in love with a stupid hockey team that usually doesn’t love me back. They don’t love me back. That’s the thought that brings me down, one that will be amplified as I get close enough to read that billboard and see the words supposed to encase the greatness that is Kopitar and the Kings. Words will not just disappoint, but upset. Pride=Passion=Power. What a crock of shit. Why would the team I love mock me so? My intelligence and irrational love are thoroughly insulted.
I try to look away, just ignore it you schmuck. But I can’t. I’m a Kings’ fan and, not coincidentally, a masochist. I look, I read, I almost slam into the car in front of me. Pride=Passion=Power is gone. A rogue graffiti artist has painted over it.
“THY KINGDOM COME”
What’s this? A slogan that doesn’t suck? One that, despite its religious reference and my disdain for the occult of faith, inspires the same passion I hold in my heart. The passion that is insulted by being taunted with a slogan that bears its name, the Kings’ marketing department trying to define a feeling with itself. “What’s a powerplay daddy?” “Well son, that’s when one team has the power.”
Slap that idiot.
“THY KINGDOM COME”
There’s no fucking math there. It’s not an equation. There’s no need for some vague attempt at relative logic disguised as childish and cloying alliteration. Rather, “Thy Kingdom Come” uses the duality of our Kingdom as being both what we as fans create and reside in as a unified group, as well as what we impose upon our enemies. It is both a state of being and a call to action. A foreshadow of the future and an insistence of a goal to be achieved in reality as it has already been defined by purpose.
Or maybe it’s just catchy.
Either way, reader OCKINGdom wins the Kings’ slogan contest with his entry. Congrats dude, you’re getting 2 lower bowl tickets to the game this Thursday, November 3 against the surprisingly good Edmonton Oilers. Expect an email from firstname.lastname@example.org sometime today. Respond to it quickly please, with your full name so that we can have VIP Tickets make your prize available to you for pickup.
Now, for the other game, Tuesday, November 8 against the Predators, the winner is VagabondJim for “Always Flying South.”
The Ducks don’t deserve a long writeup, but we liked VJ’s entry the most, though I have to credit Steve Fordham for his entry “But.. but.. ref!” If this were purely a comedy contest, that was the winner hands down. However Vagabond’s slogan was just that, a slogan. It was insulting and appropriate for a billboard at the same time, which is what we were looking for in this one. Jim, same deal to you with the email and info, blah blah blah.
Congrats to the both of you and enjoy the games! May Thy Kingdom Come all over the sad faces of the Oilers and Predators. See, that slogan just keeps on giving.
Categories: L.A. Kings News