List Of Premeditated Overreactions To The Colten Teubert Call-Up

So, the Oilers called up Colten Teubert to make his NHL debut against the LA Kings on Thursday.

That’s cute.

Don’t think we don’t know what that’s all about, Tambellini. You wiener. I see your hateful little smile and the unspoken words, “so, how is that Dustin Penner trade working out for you guys?” Well, little do you know that I am currently petitioning the LA Kings to deliver a payback for this veiled insult. You fire over the bow. We kick you in the nads.

The list, still a work in progress, includes:

1. A special pre-game ceremony honoring The Great One, Wayne Gretzky, Jarri Kurri, Mike Krushelnyski, and Marty McSorley in LA Kings jerseys. Charlie Huddy will not be invited. Bruce McNall will lead the procession. He will hold a sign that reads, “All Your Stars Belong To Us.” At the end, we will toss Jimmy Carson in an Oilers jersey out on the ice while everyone in attendance laughs.

2. Chris Pronger will give a powerpoint presentation at center ice that will show the direct relationship between cold winters and slutty reporters.

3. Colin Fraser will be placed in a cannon and shot into your bench, with a direct aim for Taylor Hall’s gums.

4. We will contact The ZSC Lions of the National League A to acquire Jeff Tambellini before Thursday’s game. We will place him at the end of the bench with specific instructions that he stand there throughout the game while Kyle Clifford punches him each time Kyle steps off the ice.

5. We will offer Nikolai Khabibulin free drinks all day today and diplomatic immunity from any alcohol related offense. The bribes details are currently being worked out with the LAPD.

You fuck with us. We strike back ten fold…and the white powder in a clear baggie labeled “TSA Sucks” that you will be surprised to see in your suitcase after you touch down at LAX and are being questioned by authorities had nothing to do with Surly.


Categories: L.A. Kings News

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20 replies

  1. i’m seriously hoping for Penner to get his first goal this season at Teubert’s expense.

  2. We need to treat them like fresh meat to cell block six. The oiler fans are talking trash all over the internet and they keep bringing up Penner and how the pushed injured players, not once but twice to us in the Smyth trade.

    We try to actually do something nice and we get taken advantage of, so I say we hit them hard tonight with goals from Penner, hits from the fourth line, and a huge beatdown overall.

  3. I’m seriously pulling for Penner to come through and provide a spark here. He hasn’t put any points up that matter this season, but he has had some knee issues early, and I’m just waiting to see how it unfolds throughout the season. Although I would love to see Penner kick Tueberts ass, I want to see him score first. Then go all rock’em sock’em robots on him.

  4. #1 Pulled at my heart strings and my vendetta strings. #2 made me piss myself. Thank you boys. If nothing else, though it’s not his fault, you gotta lay a guy out when we start using initials to refer to him. Suggesting we have a RNH initial contest– I offer up Really Needs Head-Injury (if that prick gets a hyphen in his name, I gets me one too). Do you guys think Ryan Smyths recent discovery that he still has lead in the hockey pencil is due to being revitalized by old familiar stomping ground or being free of TMs system?

    • “(if that prick gets a hyphen in his name, I gets me one too)”


      Nugent-Hopkins has got to be one of the dumbest names in all of hockey.

      • Made worse by the fact that just Ryan Nugent would be bad ass. Sounds like a hero in a John Carpenter flick. And yes the kid is displaying incredible skills and ability to read the play and find open ice and I’d give my left nut to be able to play like him in my beer league for fatties and geriatrics— but pro sports is like the schoolyard and a name like that demands mockery.

  5. … Sorry I can’t really participate in this little “rivalry” or whatever it is. I like a lot of the Oilers, and I’ve enjoyed watching them so far this season. I hope the Kings win and all, but a few trolling writers are hardly representative of all Oiler fans and there’s zero reason to get worked up over any of this – much less troll them back with silly comments about Tambellini. Is this what we’ve come to?

    • If by “this”, you are referring to be humorous and hostile, then yes, it’s not just what we’ve come to, but what we’ve been all along and always will be in regards to Oiler fans, and fans of every other team in the league. Why? Not because we are King fans. Because we are hockey fans. It comes with the territory. You do it too, but instead of trolling opposing fans you prefer to troll King fans. :)

    • I cant speak for everyone, but yes this is what I’ve come to. If I had class I’d be posting in a cricket forum.

  6. I think the funniest thing about the whole Smyth/Fraser deal, is that when it was in the news, the entirety of the Oilsphere was claiming ignorance. “We didn’t dupe you with an injured player! Whaaaa?”

    Now that their team is on a tear (without them realizing the hearing with Bettman has yet to happen), their attitude has very quickly flipped 180 degrees to “Haha! We fucked you over with an injured player!”

    Class acts, all the way around.

    • “Class acts, all the way around.”

      Did you seriously expect anything else from them? There seem to be an Oiler controversy or conspiracy every season…they must be drinking water down stream of the Canucks pissing hole.

  7. with sutton out on suspension they had to call someone up. im curious if he is there to goon it up, though. bring it bitch. go penner, come on buddy we are pulling for you!

  8. Teubert is not a real bright guy. He takes dumb penalties and gets in fights that don’t help his team.

  9. a LITTLE Lightness before the game..
    High Hopes here…
    GO KINGS GO !!!

  10. Ryan Nugget-Bumpkin is missing the loser half of his face.


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