List Of Premeditated Overreactions To The Colten Teubert Call-Up
So, the Oilers called up Colten Teubert to make his NHL debut against the LA Kings on Thursday.
Don’t think we don’t know what that’s all about, Tambellini. You wiener. I see your hateful little smile and the unspoken words, “so, how is that Dustin Penner trade working out for you guys?” Well, little do you know that I am currently petitioning the LA Kings to deliver a payback for this veiled insult. You fire over the bow. We kick you in the nads.
The list, still a work in progress, includes:
1. A special pre-game ceremony honoring The Great One, Wayne Gretzky, Jarri Kurri, Mike Krushelnyski, and Marty McSorley in LA Kings jerseys. Charlie Huddy will not be invited. Bruce McNall will lead the procession. He will hold a sign that reads, “All Your Stars Belong To Us.” At the end, we will toss Jimmy Carson in an Oilers jersey out on the ice while everyone in attendance laughs.
2. Chris Pronger will give a powerpoint presentation at center ice that will show the direct relationship between cold winters and slutty reporters.
3. Colin Fraser will be placed in a cannon and shot into your bench, with a direct aim for Taylor Hall’s gums.
4. We will contact The ZSC Lions of the National League A to acquire Jeff Tambellini before Thursday’s game. We will place him at the end of the bench with specific instructions that he stand there throughout the game while Kyle Clifford punches him each time Kyle steps off the ice.
5. We will offer Nikolai Khabibulin free drinks all day today and diplomatic immunity from any alcohol related offense. The
bribes details are currently being worked out with the LAPD.
You fuck with us. We strike back ten fold…and the white powder in a clear baggie labeled “TSA Sucks” that you will be surprised to see in your suitcase after you touch down at LAX and are being questioned by authorities had nothing to do with Surly.