Hey Penner, What The Hell Is Wrong With You?

You skate out on the ice. You are behind the play. You don’t go to the net. You don’t provide any screen.

Go to the net.

Go to the net.

Go to the fucking net.

You skate off the bench. You take your fat ass into the zone. You don’t hang out on the perimeter. You don’t cycle anything. You get to the front of the net with your ass directly in the goalie’s face. What is it going to take for you to do this? Do I have to bend you over and beat you like a Texas Family Court Judge? Go to the net.

If you don’t go to the net, here is what will happen:

1. 15 minutes of bag skates for every second you don’t spend in front of the net when we have the puck in the offensive zone; and

2. Don’t provide a sustained screen and we introduce your girlfriend to Jarret Stoll.

Get it?

Go to the net.


Go to the net.

Has Terry Murray threatened you with the consequences of not going to the net? Do I really have to get involved here? God help you if Lombardi delegates such a duty to me. I will have you crying for Randy Carlyle by the time I am done with you. You will lose 15 pounds just from vomiting during practice.

Hey, Dustin. What’s up, man? You’re a funny guy. I will hurt you. Go to the net.

Categories: L.A. Kings News

Tags: , ,

22 replies

  1. as the lady in front of me stated after i yelled at him for 2 periods….

    “don’t waste your breath.”

  2. Pennar is skating himself out of a contract faster than any LA King has ever done.

  3. I must admit, I didn’t see this coming. I was convinced he would be productive in some form with his size and soft hands. I know we haven’t seen it but he does have gifted hands. He’s tried a few times getting physical and I respect that, but that certainly is not enough. I’m rapidly fading in confidence regarding this man.

    Call me crazy, but I’m not giving up on Parse. Make fun of me all you want but I see the player we need/expect in him if he can just pull it all together both mentally and physically. I feel the injury is holding him back emotionally. I blew out my knee (ACL) and it took me a long time to recover and if truth be told, I still think about it today and that occurred 20+ years ago. Some injuries just take a bit more time and I’m really hoping Parse can put it together.

    Speaking of missing, where the heck did our first line go. When did Williams start making silly passes and goofy decisions on a regular basis. Has anyone seen Gagne? Has he been playing or is he still hurt? Kopitar is at least predictable, great for periods of time then average for periods of time. Son, we need some consistency, please. You’ve been around long enough now to understand what needs to be done on a nightly basis. I know you can do it.

    Brown, please start hitting again, it’s your best attribute. Your entire game depends on it. Don’t be ashamed, embrace it young, Captain.


  4. When did Williams start making silly passes and goofy decisions on a regular basis.

    … LOL what??? Have you watched the guy during these past several seasons? This is his M.O.

    Do I really have to get involved here?

    Did someone say “involved”?

  5. Next year’s Psychology 101 text book will dedicate an entire chapter to Penner, “The Anchor Syndrome”.

    I’m beginning to wonder if Lowe and Tambellini aren’t secretly sending money to a numbered Penner account.

    • PS Penner has gone to the net — only to stand to the side and open the shooting lanes so goalies can see the pucks.

  6. If I were Penner’s size, I would make it a point to DESTROY someone each and every game if not every period. And if the other team dick-slapped me in the face by putting the guy they traded me for (Teubert) on the ice for his first NHL game- ya… It’d be his last for at least a month. I just don’t understand how/why he lets people 5 inches shorter and 40 pounds lighter push him around. Common Penner, have some pride and by all means- GROW SOME!!!!

  7. Let’s leave it all on the ice guys

    How about the 1 armed passes??? Is that not the Icing on his lard infected style of hockey???
    NO ability to hockey stop???? This is a professional ice hockey player, that cuts circles rather than stop!!!
    The new flip shot….this may be his answer to a knuckle ball, but I seem to remember he could fire the puck, yet every shot I see goes end over end….

    GO TO THE NET!!!!! Seems simple enough, and more effective than
    Stupid 1 armed passes
    Zero stopping ability
    And shooting the puck like a 5 year old

  8. The Williams and Gagne comments are ready, but “Penner the Bender” makes em look Ilustrious

  9. … Completely unrelated here, but does anyone know where I can find a couple of photos which show the area around Staples Center before it was built? I was talking to someone I know from the Eastern U.S. who was going into one of his “new arenas don’t revitalize anything” rants, and it would be nice to show a visual example of the changes that have taken place.

    For me, personally – I still miss the old Forum as much as anyone, though. I know I’d go to more games if the Kings still played there.

  10. Am I the only one who thought he played pretty well on Thursday?

    • You can’t see me but I am scowling at you.

      • OK, BobKnob meant Penner. But cut me some slack. I didn’t realize Penner actually played on Thursday, I thought he was there to give away souvenir pucks to Edmonton players.

        OK, OK. But as I see it the problem is not just net phobia, it’s koyaanisqatsi.

        It feels like team “chemistry” is at issue and the Kings are suddenly an “old minded” team, the youthful energy of the past two seasons having been sapped by personality changes and coaching.

        I attribute this to:
        —Dogmatic coaching (i.e. denying Quick a chance at 3 shutouts, blunting creativity, a consistent inability to adjust strategy real time or make changes to the power play).
        —Moreau, Hunter (and Penner) tilting a once fine balance so youth no longer balances Murray’s conservative style. Add disappointment knowing that neither Moreau nor Hunter offers the game breaking threat that was Simmonds.
        —Voynov and Loktionov seem to have become a distraction for Martinez and Lewis (a lesser extent Greene and Richardson).
        —Penner’s failure (inability?) to respond.

        I don’t know what can be done for Penner other then hope he breaks the funk (imagine a locker next to him

        right now). The first three issues are organizational and can be addressed.

        • It’s not that complicated. He doesn’t want to work during the game, he works after it. I wasn’t kidding about the bag skates. I want that fucker to learn a lesson. Right now, he is on cruise control and there are no consequences. Demotion to third line? Please. That just means there is less pressure to produce. With Penner, just as Carlyle did to him, the measures have to be punitive.

          • Understood.

            I’ve experienced a few employes who explored how unproductive they could be yet keep their position. Control.

            Punitive did nothing as the end game was always intended to be the same, slack until dismissed, move on to the next sucker and try to add more feathers to the bed.

            How do you figure? Either the man arthritic wrists and ankles or he’s mental?

            And I will admit I am one of those who felt early last season that Penner would be a good fit. Hope I am provn right, yet.

            arter then

          • Sports and general employment have no resemblance. You have professional athletes under contract and outside of killing them, there are few limitations on practice, training, discipline, etc. A player who is slacking can be benched, made to practice in long and grueling ways, waived, traded, etc. Punitive measures for a player like Penner HAVE a history of working. When he was with the Ducks, he was on the receiving end of it. It worked. People respond to different motivations. Penner appears to have little of the self variety

  11. Penner has Brian Boyle syndrome
    He’s upset that with the Kings he is expected to play defense. He fancies himself as Cam Neely but clearly he’s not that natural of a talent. It would be nice of TM to give him some green lights to handle the puck a little just to see if he’s still got the 30 goal form.


  1. Hockey Blog Beat – November 5, 2011. | Spectors Hockey

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 4,286 other followers

%d bloggers like this: