You skate out on the ice. You are behind the play. You don’t go to the net. You don’t provide any screen.

Go to the net.

Go to the net.

Go to the fucking net.

You skate off the bench. You take your fat ass into the zone. You don’t hang out on the perimeter. You don’t cycle anything. You get to the front of the net with your ass directly in the goalie’s face. What is it going to take for you to do this? Do I have to bend you over and beat you like a Texas Family Court Judge? Go to the net.

If you don’t go to the net, here is what will happen:

1. 15 minutes of bag skates for every second you don’t spend in front of the net when we have the puck in the offensive zone; and

2. Don’t provide a sustained screen and we introduce your girlfriend to Jarret Stoll.

Get it?

Go to the net.

Asshole.

Go to the net.

Has Terry Murray threatened you with the consequences of not going to the net? Do I really have to get involved here? God help you if Lombardi delegates such a duty to me. I will have you crying for Randy Carlyle by the time I am done with you. You will lose 15 pounds just from vomiting during practice.

Hey, Dustin. What’s up, man? You’re a funny guy. I will hurt you. Go to the net.