Look At Him. He Is A Beauty…

That is an NHL defenseman. Notice the C.

And this one…check out that hair! It’s the 80’s and Randy Carlyle is in style.

You know what this next photo is? That’s the Norris Trophy. He won that shit…that’s right. He wasn’t some crap hockey player, turned coach.

How impressive is this? He is preparing to adjust his tie, holding a clipboard and yelling at Corey Perry to stop being such a pussy at the same time…that’s how Randy Carlyle rolls.

(Associated Press)

You are going to tell me this is better? “Oh Scribe, you just picked the worst photo of him you could find.” Are you fucking kidding me? This is the best photo I could find. Every other one looks like he is adjusting his dentures without using his hands. That doesn’t fit in L.A. We’re not Simi Valley, man. This isn’t a fucking assisted living facility we operate at Staples. It’s a damn hockey club trying to win the Stanley Cup.

The old man in the picture, above, hasn’t won one of these as a player or coach, although he did play one year of hockey in fucking Japan.

You know who has as a coach a short while ago?

The same guy in the picture below when I googled “Randy Carlyle smiling.” First image.

(Carlos Osorio, AP)

Don’t fuck this up, Lombardi.



Categories: L.A. Kings News

Tags: ,

32 replies

  1. “We’re not Simi Valley, man.” That line should win multiple awards. Very awesome and very funny.

  2. no Carlyle or Sutter. Neither are wanted by us Die Hard Kings fans! I dont care if the new Quacks coach used to be affiliated with L.A. or not, this is not a freakin pokemon trading card game. We dont want a Quack, be it ex or not to lead this team to the cup. Can you imagine what the freakin Quack-a-lots would say? “oh you only won the cup because you had the same coach?” or “it took a quack to win it for the Kings?” Freakin HELL NO!!!!! We will win the cup without either of these two guys leading this great team! WE WILL WIN THE STANLEY CUP!!!!

    • Logical Kings fans do. I have been a Kings fan since ’79, and we’d be FOOLS to pass him over, because you hang out with duck fans.

  3. Funny, but any city in San Bernadino would have been better.

  4. “You are going to tell me this is better? “Oh Scribe, you just picked the worst photo of him you could find.” Are you fucking kidding me? This is the best photo I could find.”

    Some of the comedy on this site is bound for the next Slap Shot flick. :D Dude the guy looks almost Identical to TM it’s scary.

  5. As someone who lives in Simi Valley all I can do is laugh my ass off and nod. Sad, but true.

  6. “How impressive is this? He is preparing to adjust his tie, holding a clipboard and yelling at Corey Perry to stop being such a pussy at the same time…that’s how Randy Carlyle rolls.”

    Stop, seriously! If I wake the baby from laughing how do I possibly explain it?

  7. There are several reasons to NOT want Carlyle:

    1) Once a D-Man, always a D-Man. We know this all too well.
    2) He never actually did succeed in getting Corey Perry to stop being an absolute pussy.
    3) He seems to want to sit back, collect his money from the Fucks, and not actually endure the stress and hassle of actually coaching.

    Let’s roll the dice on somebody with experience in the CHL. An offensive minded, genius, who will bag skate slackers, who will make sure everybody knows they are required (not just expected) to rise to the defense of their teammates (unlike what happened with Kopi the other night.)

    Who knows the CHL? Dees such a guy exist?

    • What are you even saying here? It’s like you took a dump in the comment box. “Once a defenseman, always a defenseman.” Do you know how many successful NHL coaches have been defensemen? No? Neither do I.

    • 1) Once a D-Man, always a D-Man. We know this all too well.

      … Carlyle was an offensive defenseman when he entered the league. That’s when he won his Norris.

      He was like a poor man’s Larry Robinson. And we all know what Larry Robinson used to say, right?

      “Never trust a forward.”

      Words to live by, right there.

  8. I wonder if this was a little bit what DL sounded like talking to the players today about the firing…

  9. I too live in Simi Valley, and like MalloryKC, i cant get mad at the truth!

  10. … I’ll pass on Carlyle. So he won a Cup with a stacked team. So did Marc Crawford. Might as well bring Marc back if you’re gonna get Carlyle.

  11. None of that stuff means he’s a good coach. Anaheims success was due in large part to Mike Babcock.

  12. So it’s down to the Silverback or the Moonshiner? What about Mike Keenan…

  13. I just wanted to say, that after going between, lakingsnews, lakingsinsider, mayors mannor and theroyal half, I gatta tell ya, surely and scribe I’d have to say your blog is the shittiest one. Shittier than Mongoloid Hammonds blog. Why? Because your writing sucks. You think your being funny when really, your making everyone reading Cringe and think “fuck why did I come to this blog? Its obvious that it was written by a couple homos from the San Fernando Valley” And with that I bid you good day and good bye to your shitty blog that I will never be visiting again!

    and to anyone that reads this:

    If your looking for something fun to read about the kings, the royal half is where its at. Mayors Mannor isn’t so bad either. But fuck this one sucks and doesn’t deserve the URL kings news tshh.

    • Why don’t you tell us how you really feel and stop holding back these confused and mixed emotions laced with the sexual frustration that you have for Surly & Scribe. It will one day be legal in California, I assure you. You won’t have to wait too much longer.

    • Really Mayor’s Manor?? How many articles does one need to write on ‘Who is the funniest Kings player’? I really don’t give a damn. But I would like to know ‘Which Kings player can put the puck in the net’. Write about that!

  14. I agree, Royal Half is a wayyy better blog.

    • I don’t mind people hating us. Sometimes I quite enjoy it. Especially when, like this Guy, someone vents (one comment above) and then responds to own post as a different person so that he can agree with himself.

      Dude, you can’t slip this by us. Maybe if you’d waited until I moderated the first comment, but alas it’s impossible for someone to respond to a comment I haven’t allowed to be viewed yet.

      Nice try though.

    • psst…we can see your IP address. Thus, we know that you just responded to yourself. Of course, there is also the fact that you did reply to yourself while the first comment was being moderated which, as Surly pointed out, makes you not just dumb but downright stupid. Regardless, PLEASE come around more. I don’t think we have ever had our very own troll. I have always wanted one. Christmas came early.

      • … Haha. Being trolled isn’t quite everything it’s cracked up to be. And what’s wrong with voting up one’s article??? Not that I EVER would do anything like that, mind you.

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