Puttin’ On My Positivity Cap

Man that Bobby Scribe is so fucking depressing. Oh wait, it’s so sutting depressing, right? Maybe so fucking sutting fits best. All this sutting Sutter shit is gonna give me a stutter. Anyways, I take a few days off to collect my thoughts and get in the holiday spirit and I come back to a stream of malaise and doldrums bordering on the suicidal.

From existential crises to forlornness aligned with Mike Babcock quotes, the typical rah rah spirit this site has prided itself on instilling has quickly been poisoned. It’s like we had gorgeous big breasted cheerleaders bouncing up and down, only someone came along with a bobby pin (pun very much intended), started poking holes and now silicon is leaking all over the place. But back to Babcock, between Scribe’s reverence of his quotes and a demand for Carlyle, is anyone else worried that Bobby has such an affinity towards former Duck coaches? I suppose one can only live in Orange County for so long without it rubbing off on you.

But what am I saying? This post is about positivity and what better way to get off on a positive foot than to be negative about those who aren’t positive.

Where do the Kings stand?

4th in the division.
Tied for 10th in the Conference.
22nd in the league.
Coming off our worst game of the season.
About to play our last game before the era of Sutter begins.

Pretty sour. But then again…

Dustin Penner is playing his best hockey as a King.
Mike Richards is approaching his return to game ice.
The leadership group is about to be read the riot act.
Those doldrums that have seeped from the team’s psyche and into Scribe’s are about to be snuffed out with fire and brimstone.

Meanwhile, fuck Toronto. Right? No, not sutt them. Fuck them. Do you think this team is going to deliver two performances worthy of banishment from the NHL in a row? I don’t.

What self respecting Kings fan doesn’t believe every upcoming game is going to be their best yet? A realist? Perhaps. But realists don’t scream until they can’t speak for a week because realistically, that’s a sutting stupid thing to do. Realists don’t skip important things they have to do, like birthdays or homework or at times even jobs, just to drive down to Staples and watch 20 guys with the combined IQ of 6 college graduates smack a piece of rubber at a guy dressed in more padding than there is in the safety systems of our cars. A realist would just stay home and organize his receipts for the upcoming tax season. Realism is mother sutting boring.

We are Kings fans and if we have lasted this long then we can certainly look at a disgrace of the aesthetic genome like Darryl Fucking Sutter and see that he just may rally this group of disjointed underperformers into something that resembles an NHL level hockey team. We can dismiss our desire for a team that plays offense like the Harlem Globetrotters and embrace a team that demolishes and disheartens it’s opposition as the crags of Ephel Duath thwarted the armies of men or the Wall of the North protected against Others or the goddamn brick house withstood all the huffing and puffing of that asshole wolf and saved every last hair on that stupid pigs chinny sutting chin.

Yes I’m a dork and yes I’m a raving lunatic and for fucking sutt’s sake I’m a sutting fucker Kings fan.

This team has plenty of opportunity to succeed. Plenty of talent. Heads have been removed from asses before. Our top six scoring and playing a tight defense first system are not mutually exclusive. One patient bullet in the skull can take down the asshole with a machine gun. An arrow in the missing scale of Smaug’s ugly belly. A rock between Goliath’s eyes. A Kyle Clifford that commands fear. An Anze Kopitar that breaks the spirit of offensive attacks against as well as he compels them upon his enemy. A Williams and Gagne that don’t need to be big and bad because a Brown and a Richards clear them paths like a hound through herds of sheep. A Quick and a Bernier who provide a last line of defense that is called upon less and less as the war wages and the opposition tires. A dressing room that snarls at defeat as Darryl Sutter’s visage laughs at the suggestion of Aphrodite.

Bobby Scribe dared to ask the self loathing question, do we matter to the LA Kings?

I dare to ask another, do the LA Kings matter to you?

If you are brazen enough to answer in the affirmative, discard your lofty notions that you know better. Dismiss your sarcasm that merely masks your pain. Embrace fear and crush it under your will. Exude the confidence you demand from your team. Gouge eyes that would care to roll. Scream in your damn living as you watch tonight. Show up Thursday without cautious optimism that is ready to snap at a moment’s despair. Command your love, your passion, your respect and your unrealistic stubbornness that this game will be the game where the world is beaten.

Be a fan, for Sutt’s sake and Go Kings Go!

Categories: L.A. Kings News

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59 replies

  1. Damnit, show those big breasted cheerleaders.

  2. By the way, this counts as the game thread… Assuming there is anyone who still wants to watch a Kings game. :)

    • This is the last game before smeagle coaches, its against a storied team, and I have money on it. Count me in for the watching party.

    • … I’ll be watching – I don’t see the Kings winning for Stevens, the lamest of lame ducks – but I suppose strange things have happened before. If either of the Kings’ goalies feels like making an occasional save here and there, that’d be nice.

      • They aren’t winning for Stevens at this point. Tonight they win for the coach that comes. They win so that they have one small “but!” when Sutter comes in and bites all their heads off.

        • … I shudder to think about the dialogue from Sutter to one Jack “My Fault” Johnson.

          A redass defensive coach finding out a defenseman with all the tools to play solid defense hasn’t played much of it at all in his career? That isn’t gonna fly.

  3. In which Surly rents a shop vac, sucks up all the leaked silicon and starts jumping up and down.

  4. This post made my dick hard

  5. Beautifully said. The last paragraph reminded me of Belushi’s “tough get going” speech from Animal House.

  6. OMG….you guys are making me snort my Starbuck’s through my nose…so lady-like! Too funny guys!

    And yes I will be watching tonight possibly with a pin handy to gouge out a couple of eyes…..can I, can I please????

  7. … How about THAT. A rare good bounce for the Kings, and they convert it.

    And now, Clifford and Rosehill get into a scrap.

    The Kings are BLEEDING for you fans! Look at Penner! Look at Clifford! Are you not entertained???

  8. … And that, right there, is why Matt Greene wears an “A”. Also, that’s why he should be out there every game. Because he’s a bad motherfucker.

  9. What happened to Doughty? I missed it…also, figures something would happen to him, since it looked like he was actually playing his game for once

  10. All I heard was that John Stevens was staying on as assistant…I hope that means Kompon is walking

  11. … Wow. Puck possession. Unbelievable.

    Terry Murray’s watching this and thinking “Fuck these guys. How come they forgot to do this when I was employed?”

  12. … Gagne was showing his typical nonexistent defensive “intensity” on that one.

  13. This is sutting wild. I love you hockey. Go Kings Go!

  14. FINALLY some Attack Mentality! Team’s moving in the right direction with this game and play. The guys are slowly but surely starting to get Un-Murray-ized. Brown that one play of him along the boards in the neutral zone thought about making the pass to the middle but elected to turn up ice and enter the zone. Reading the damn play. In the days of TM he would have passed it, got picked off, and an odd man rush ensues.

    Pens is coming around. The guy is hungry and he wants to play. Finally! Now just gotta get Richardson, Cliffy, Lokti and Fraser in on the scoring action and the team’s gonna start dominating.

    Richards what’s up???

  15. Multiple times in that first period we actually made offensive plays with passes from behind the goal line to a high slot f3. A much better more confident showing. Good system of bad system, confident players (just look at patience on Williams goal) can make big plays even in a shit non existent system. We played competitively at a high pace. Liked the line combos.

    However a lot of sloppy passes east west in our own zone and a little light on the hitting game– but loved team leader Greene being the first on the scene for the Richardson boarding retaliation. Penn looked good, again. At this rate we’re gonna have to build bigger billboards on Ventura Blvd. to put his mug on. Go Mutha Suttin’ Kings!

  16. Two one-goal wins, a shut-out loss, and a colossal ass-fucking. All this while in a state of upheaval and uncertainty.

    Coming home under these circumstances with four of eight possible points is certainly not as bad as it could have been.

    May the Lord above grant our dicks be diamond-hard through the end of the year.

  17. Suttering suttatash!!!!!

  18. So what’s this talk about Pens possibly going to the BJ? I’m digging his play right now. Who’s it gonna be for this Brassard kid???

      • I don’t think these are all that credible but I guess it makes some kinda sense since Pens is most likely not going to be with the team next season. I looked over their roster and the guy that probably makes the most sense is that Brassard kid. They’ve got another young centerman, Johansen, but he’s only 19. Then two RW, Boll & Dorsett, they’re numbers aren’t so great. Brassard put up 17 goals and about 30+ assists last season. His +/- is for shit though. This will be his 4th consecutive NHL season so the kid’s got experience.


    • Brassard is pretty young and has potential. He is struggling this season but who on that team isn’t? Not sure that move makes sense for the BJs. That is a lot of youth and potential to give up for Penner. Also, Brassard is a center so if he is coming here, then Stoll is as good as gone.

      • The speculation is that Pens would play with Nash and Carter. I don’t see how we’re gonna win the cup this year and we can’t afford to keep Pens next season. He’s already at $4.25 and his contract expires this season also. I can’t believe how shitty his numbers are if you compare them over the last 4 years with Edmonton.

        Brassard’s cap hit next season is $3.2. Stoll is at $3.6 now and he’s gonna be negotiating a new contract next season. Stoll’s 29 and Brassard is 24. Brassard 3rd line center and move Lokti to 4th line until he gets more experience. ??

  19. Depends on who else goes with JJ but getting Parise Should help elevate the team to real SC contenders. I can see him and Kopi on the same line doing some real damage out there.

  20. From Hammond…practice lines



    Well at least he has Richards and Gagne playing together again. D pairs look good. Cluster F on the 4th.

  21. I must tell you, I like a coach who praises, as well, as a coach who puts a foot in someone’s ass when need be. I’m looking forward to Sutter and his style of coaching, regarding accountability. I loved playing for coaches like Sutter and I coach in a similar fashion. I don’t know if he’s the long term answer, but lets hope so.

    Some have a tendency to only blame the coaching staff, and rightly so to a certain degree, but I can assure you it’s a two way street and at least half the blame falls upon the players. Lets hope this turns out for the best.

    I certainly would prefer someone with a little more natural skill manning first line LW, but I’m glad my boy, Richardson is getting some love. He deserves it. That young man brings it every night. I enjoy watching him play.

    I’m excited to get this new era moving forward. Let’s start it off by destroying the the Quacks in nuclear fashion.

    Welcome back, Richards. We missed you greatly.


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