Things Overheard At The L.A. Kings Holiday Party

Surly and I sat for an hour trying to figure out how we could get him into the L.A. Kings holiday party.

Me: Bartender?

Surly: No, I suck at making drinks.

Me: A corporate executive of some type?

Surly: I don’t own a suit…and I am not shaving.

Me: Darryl Sutter’s son?

Surly: He has a son?

Me: We could find out.

Surly: Idiot.

Me: Shrimp puffs!

Surly: What?

Me: Shrimp puffs. You could break out your waiter outfit and serve shrimp puffs. Everybody loves shrimp puffs.

Surly: I don’t have a waiter outfit.

Me: Improvise! Wear what you wear around the house when you cook and clean for your girlfriend.

Surly: …

Me: What?

Surly: I will find something to wear.

Me: Great!

Surly always finds a way and, once again, he didn’t disappoint. 

**

Doughty: I am going to miss Terry Murray.

Johnson: How so?

Doughty: He had a great accountability system that only applied to scrubs like Richardson.

Richardson (from nearby): I heard that asshole!

**

Westgarth: So, what do you think my role will be with Sutter as coach?

Mitchell: What do you mean?

Westgarth: I mean, will he value my offensive upside?

**

Stoll: So, I hear Sutter is a yeller.

Kopitar: Yup.

Stoll: Think that will help me score more goals?

Kopitar: Couldn’t hurt.

**

Brown: Any idea what it’ll be like with Darryl Sutter?

Richards: I don’t know much about him but I am guessing it will be pretty much the same for you and I.

Brown: How is that?

Richards: You know, I’ll be playing like a captain and you’ll be wearing the C.

Surly (smiling) to Dustin Brown: Shrimp puff?

**

Jamie Kompon to Surly: God, I am so relieved…

Surly (surprised): Mr. Kompon, how are you, sir?

Kompon: Much better now. I was just told I won’t be terminated with Sutter coming on.

Surly: Mother fu…that’s great, sir. Congratulations.

Kompon: Thank you. Now, hand me that apron and a platter of shrimp puffs, they want me to start immediately.

**

(Leiweke walks up to Lombardi and Stevens and hands Dean a Christmas Card)

Lombardi: Thank you, Mr. Leiweke. That is very kind of you but, really, more defense is all the gift I need.

(Leiweke walks away)

Stevens: I got a card too. He also gave me a coach of the week award, with a plaque and everything. Did he get you anything other than the card?

Lombardi: (reading card): The card says, “Merry Christmas. Hope you enjoy your gift in April.”

Stevens: That’s weird.

Lombardi: I know, right? Hey, maybe it’s more funding for the scouting department!

Leiweke (shouts from across the room): THAT’S NOT IT!

**

Bernier: I hope I get more games under Sutter.

Quick: Don’t worry man, you will.

Bernier: You think so?

Quick: Sure. You will get plenty of minutes whenever I give up 3 goals so you can surrender 5.

**

Patrick O’Neal: So, Kyle, did it feel good getting into your first fight in a while on Monday night?

Clifford: …

O’Neal: I mean, you haven’t had nearly as many fights this season…

Clifford: …

O’Neal: …compared to last season.

Clifford: …

O’Neal: You are going to hurt me any second now, aren’t you?

**

(rough English translation of discussion in Russian)

Loktionov: These defense mind coaches are killing me. How can I make goals when I have to check, check, check and play mindless grinding style?

Voynov: That is the way it is in L.A., Andrei.

Loktionov: How you find success playing defense and score goals?

Voynov: Easy. I do opposite of that Doughty guy.

**

Brandon Kozun: I am here Mr. Lombardi and excited about the opportunity. Will I be playing wing on the third line or in the top six, sir?

Lombardi: Easy Brandon, all in good time. For now, I have an even bigger task for you.

Kozun: Sir?

Lombardi: Go stand next to that man dressed as Santa Clause. One of the elves called in sick.

**

Gagne (after he takes a sip of wine): You seem calm about the Darryl Sutter hiring.

Williams: Doesn’t affect me a bit.

Gagne: You are that confident?

Williams: Doesn’t matter who is coaching, I’m still the best looking guy on this team.

**

Fraser: You look nervous.

Penner: I am terrified.

Fraser: The new coach thing has you worried?

Penner: We have a new coach?

Fraser: Well…yeah, are you serious?

Penner: I had no idea.

Fraser: Then what are you nervous about?

Surly (running back): I found another platter of shrimp puffs, Mr. Penner.

Penner: Oh, thank God.

**

Hunter: Have you seen Greener?

Lewis: I haven’t seen him. Davis, have you seen Matt Greene?

Drewiske (points): Here he comes…

Matt Greene (naked, running across the room): Streaaaakiiiing!

**

Scuderi: You are a good defenseman, Alec. You will get more playing time.

Martinez: Thanks, man. I appreciate it. You think it will happen soon?

Scuderi: Right after you are traded, I am sure.

**

John Stevens (to Bill Ranford): Hey, watch this. (Yells across the room) HEY KOMPON! WHAT DO WE HAVE TO DO THE NEXT GAME TO IMPROVE THE POWERPLAY?

Jamie Kompon (yells back while holding a platter of shrimp puffs): JUST GET MORE PUCKS TO THE NET!

Everyone: (laughing)

**

Mrs. Lombardi: Honey, can you get off the phone so we can enjoy the party?

Dean Lombardi: (puts hand over the phone and whispers to his wife): I am talking with Lamoriello.

Mrs. Lombardi: About what?

Dean Lombardi: Parise…(back on the phone). Yes, Lou, I understand but it’s the best I can do…great, think it over and let me know. Talk with you later this week. (Hangs up phone)

Mrs. Lombardi: Well?

Dean Lombardi: I offered him Jack Johnson, Jarret Stoll, Bobby Scribe and a 1st.

Mrs. Lombardi: Bobby Scribe?

Dean Lombardi (Scowls): Yes. If Zach Parise is coming here, that fucker Scribe will not get to enjoy it.