I was going to edit together a video. It was going to be funny. But I went to a Yoga class last night, came home and then died. Turns out my sore corpse would rather just watch the season premiere of Ax Men than edit a video. The video was going to use some poorly executed visual effects to put Steve Ott into this video.

So just imagine Steve Ott on the left. I’m sorry it didn’t work out. It was funny in my head.

While Steve Ott may not be originally from Texas, it is appropriate that he plays there since a state that loves executing its denizens as much as Los Angeles loves fake boobs is about the only place where a putrid wretch like Ott would be welcome. Kyle Clifford’s renewed vigor couldn’t be timed any better. I think I’d like to see the kid take another swing at a Gordie Howe hat trick.

Luckily, the ugly level of the Stars has been somewhat reduced as Mike Ribeiro is out nursing a knee injury in between nursing the tainted Satanic goat teet he sucks on normally. D Philip Thomas and RW Thomas Vincour are also out for Dallas, but you wouldn’t notice if they were playing anyway so it’s barely worth mentioning at all.

As far as the Kings are concerned, it looks like Slava Voynov could very well play. Yay. Martinez has been solid alongside Mitchell but there is no question that Voynov is the better option, particularly when he brings a lot to a powerplay that looks as backwater simpleton stupid as Jamie Benn’s face. No word on forward line changes, but Darryl Sutter would have to be a class-M dipshit to change them after Monday’s thumping of the Washington Capitals. Why class-M? Come on, you’re smart, you can get this.

Jonathan Quick was named to the All-Star team. I wonder if he has a big head about it. He has a small mouth and beady eyes so I don’t really want to see what he looks like with a big head. Could be the real life version of ‘bubble vision’. Let’s hope the swelling goes to all the right places and Quick continues his streak of dick-swinging awesomeness.

The biggest decision surrounding the Kings is whether or not I should wear a jersey. Since it is apparent that my apparel plays a big role in the outcome of games, I am torn whether to wear a jersey as I almost always do or to forgo it like I accidentally did on Monday. Decisions, decisions…

Will you be there? If you won’t, will you be here? This is, after all, your open forum.