Steers, Queers & Steve Ott – Dallas Stars @ LA Kings

I was going to edit together a video. It was going to be funny. But I went to a Yoga class last night, came home and then died. Turns out my sore corpse would rather just watch the season premiere of Ax Men than edit a video. The video was going to use some poorly executed visual effects to put Steve Ott into this video.

So just imagine Steve Ott on the left. I’m sorry it didn’t work out. It was funny in my head.

While Steve Ott may not be originally from Texas, it is appropriate that he plays there since a state that loves executing its denizens as much as Los Angeles loves fake boobs is about the only place where a putrid wretch like Ott would be welcome. Kyle Clifford’s renewed vigor couldn’t be timed any better. I think I’d like to see the kid take another swing at a Gordie Howe hat trick.

Luckily, the ugly level of the Stars has been somewhat reduced as Mike Ribeiro is out nursing a knee injury in between nursing the tainted Satanic goat teet he sucks on normally. D Philip Thomas and RW Thomas Vincour are also out for Dallas, but you wouldn’t notice if they were playing anyway so it’s barely worth mentioning at all.

As far as the Kings are concerned, it looks like Slava Voynov could very well play. Yay. Martinez has been solid alongside Mitchell but there is no question that Voynov is the better option, particularly when he brings a lot to a powerplay that looks as backwater simpleton stupid as Jamie Benn’s face. No word on forward line changes, but Darryl Sutter would have to be a class-M dipshit to change them after Monday’s thumping of the Washington Capitals. Why class-M? Come on, you’re smart, you can get this.

Jonathan Quick was named to the All-Star team. I wonder if he has a big head about it. He has a small mouth and beady eyes so I don’t really want to see what he looks like with a big head. Could be the real life version of ‘bubble vision’. Let’s hope the swelling goes to all the right places and Quick continues his streak of dick-swinging awesomeness.

The biggest decision surrounding the Kings is whether or not I should wear a jersey. Since it is apparent that my apparel plays a big role in the outcome of games, I am torn whether to wear a jersey as I almost always do or to forgo it like I accidentally did on Monday. Decisions, decisions…

Will you be there? If you won’t, will you be here? This is, after all, your open forum.



Categories: L.A. Kings News

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59 replies

  1. It’s a 3rd jersey night should you to don some Kings apparel.

    I do love that old crown — so much better than the plate and bamboo.

  2. Wow Surly….. that was so amazing in your head.

  3. … For those who are interested, here is YOUR NHL All-Star Roster pool.

    Of course Kopitar isn’t in there … why? God only knows.

    But hey, Quick’s there. Maybe he’ll even get to play a little bit.

    • Given that they have no one other than Quick going for either the rookie game or the regular game, does that say anything about how most of the team has played this year – other than Quick?

      • … Well, I have a feeling that if Voynov had been playing the full season up to now, he’d deserve strong consideration for the rookie game.

        As for the ASG itself, Kopitar is superior to or at the level of half of the forwards actually in the pool, but he’s been excluded for three reasons:

        1 – Ottawa fans stuffing the ballot box
        2 – The stupid rule about every team being represented
        3 – Typical East Coast bias

        All of this is why I won’t be watching this one, either. If two Kings had rightfully been in the ASG, the Kings would be quite well-represented for a .500 team.

        I hope Quick plays well, though. I’ll DVR his 20 minutes in goal as best I can.

    • its funny… kopitar has more points than L. couture, J. iginla, M. koivu, M. gaborik, C. perry and A. ovechkin. yet theyre all going and not kopi.

    • Probably because he was on another long drought.

      • I ased D. Evans if thought any other player besides Quick should have neen selected. He said no based on our teams spotty play. He said guys picked are having a good season, and are rewarded. I am Not a stat person, so won’t spend time checking to see if this is true for all selected. The exception is the Host city with fans in mass getting their guys to represent.
        GO KINGS GO!!!

        • I ased D. Evans if thought any other player besides Quick should have neen selected. He said no based on our teams spotty play.

          … That’s a really stupid thing for Evans to say

          • … Why? Who else has been consistently on his game all season?

          • Why?

            … Because, as I’ve said several times in this thread, Kopitar has played better this season than over half of the forwards chosen for the All-Star pool. For Daryl Evans to not acknowledge that is stupid, seeing as how he gets paid to watch the Kings and has access to all of the reports and statistics.

          • This Dutch guy sure likes to be arguemenative doesn’t he?
            Daryl explained what he voting is usually based on.
            Brother.
            GO KINGS GO!!!

  4. The worst thing about Steve Ott is that he has turned into an actual hockey player. His faceoff percentage is top flight, he scores, hits, I even saw him make a stick-to-stick pass once. I hate that prick, and not in the “you’d love him if he was on your own team” kinda way. Sure, 7 goals and 13 assists isn’t first-line material, but it’s more than everybody on the Kings except Richards, Kopi, Brown and Williams. 3 million a year, cheaper than all our “designated scorers,” too.

    Maybe Mitchell will send him upside down into the half-boards at some point, then Clifford can jump in to protect Mitchell and pound Ott’s ass into the same porkburger his face is made of.

  5. If Ott and Clowe had a love child it would be named clott and I would hate all three of them.

  6. Yoga?

  7. Anything with R. Lee Ermy is brilliant. I would love to be a fly on the wall around that man. Add that prick Ott, Genius.

  8. Sutly, Scribe: any bets, ideas, guesses about what Deano will do about Gagne? I guessing one of the kids get a shot. I’d make a bet but my bets are phyisically, annd emotionally embarrassing feets of stupidity in front of large amounts of people. Just wonder your thoughts…..

  9. Its cliffords turn to whoop his ass. richard and mitchell already had there rounds. cliffys up next

  10. Theres a very good chance of this turning into a drubbing. As much as everyone enjoys Slav-ing on Voynov’s knob, he showed why defensively, Martinez is superior.

    Somebody better but that penis Steve Ott through the boards this period.

  11. That band, Breathe Carolina suck so hard, that it’s an insult to music. If the Kings decide to do the live music nights next year, my band is going to apply, and win. I am basing this on the simple observation on how horribly horrible that “finalist” band was. Disgusting

  12. Well there goes the season if its his head, and its always the damn head these days.

  13. Ohhhh yeah, thats the season, alright. Just saw the replay. TWO concussions it looked like to Kopitar on that one hit, first on the whiplash, then smashing into the ice. Could be his career, actually, when you think about it. Thats extremely dangerous.

    Fuck.

    • Update Anyone PLEASE!!!
      Looked SO Bad
      No replay on big screen ..
      In the dark at game
      GOOD THOUGHTS TO KOPI

      • HockeyJockey,

        It looked really fucking bad. Morrow didnt actually hit Kopitar in the head, he hit him right below the neck, so the contact actually made Kopitar’s head whiplash like crazy, then as he was whiplashing and spinning in the air, he fell onto the ice almost face first onto the ice and the bottom of the boards at the same time. One of the worst Ive seen this year. It didnt look good to me but you never know I guess.

  14. This game is just so stupid sometimes. It doesnt matter how good your team is because no one even has their full team anymore. The Penguins would be the best team in the league except half their core is injured. No one can even touch either other anymore without getting a concussion, it’s like dating a prude female boxer (you cant touch her without her smacking you and giving you a concussion..nevermind..).

    Some hope: seeing the replay, it was slowed down so maybe this is bs, but the whiplash didnt look TOO bad (but maybe thats just because it was slow). So maybe its just one concussion from hitting the ice.

  15. If that was charging on doughty, how was that not charging on Morrow?

  16. Exciting game, don’t want to make excuses, but that might’ve been the worst officiating I’ve seen in 15 years of watching.

    Mike Richards might as well have just left his gloves on in his “fight”, or hang on for dear life with Morrow to avenge Kopitar. That was embarrassing, and ended up being a very expensive display of estrogen.

  17. Boys an girls, I don’t know what the fuck that was, but my head is throbbing from screaming bloody murder. Very interested to see some replays when I get home. Bobby will bring you the post game after he does the same. For now all I can think is, what a fucking travesty.

    • Travesty? Really? Sure, they got a call against them, but so what? Happens all the time. Look at the positives; Johnson is TiVo:d, he had a 3 point game directly after his TiVo pose. Kopitar scored and had a 3 point game. The Kings scored 4 fucking goals in back-to-back games! That alone is a friggin celebration!

      I’m confident the game against the Caps was a major turn-around save for the first period in this game (but you
      have to admit they came out WANTING to score…when was the last game we saw that this season?).

      • I’ll only be appeased is both Souray and Benn are suspended. Souray for a loooong time. How Benn didn’t get a penalty. How Morrow didn’t. How Doughty wasn’t tripped. They called Richards for hooking when it was Stoll who was guilty of hooking. Just an abomination by the refs and they Los control of the game. It a travesty that Dallas responded to losing their lead by elbowing Kopi in the head in what looks like an extremely dangerous play. They didn’t show a replay so I do need to see that. The visor rule is fucking ridiculous too. I saw great hockey played tonight an I’m just extremely fucking pissed and in shock. Like I said, if Shanahan brings the hammer down on Souray, Benn and probably Morrow, I’ll be better. But either way it looks like we lost Kopitar for a whole and even if we won 10-0 that would make tonight a travesty.

        • Surly, it’s interesting, I was sitting 4 rows up right in front of the Kopitar hit. I said, “it was clean”, my neighbor said “there was an elbow”, but they never replayed it….so I don’t know. Very exciting game, though!

  18. On another issue: Kopitar, Williams, Richards, and Penner…have you noticed that all of them are more feisty now compared to Murray’s rule? The last 4 games Kopitar has been reacting after the whistle and been ready to fight, same with the others. That is something we never saw under Murray’s rule.

    I don’t believe it’s because of Sutter, but I do believe it has created a more team mentality in terms of “protect yer brethren” stand and I like it. Stick up for each other, Kings. Make sure wearing the crest actually means something.

  19. Things aren’t going to get any easier. A lot of western conf. games went to OT or SO. Man the west is so close.

  20. Hope I’m not the only one who thinks that was one good hockey game. Too bad it didn’t result in two points.

    I would have loved to hear what was said in the King’s locker room during the 1st intermission. The boys came out a totally different team. They turned it up.

    If that was just the norm for 60 minutes, they can play with anybody.

    • Extremely exciting hockey game. We all like to focus on Detroit ad Colorado and Anaheim when it comes to rivalries, but in terms of the games our greatest rivalry truly is with Dallas, for some unknown reason. Always just brutal games.

      • For sure it’s Dallas.

        Left with the feeling tonight, if they played each other more often, granted if they could survive each other, they both would be so fricken hard to play against.

        Now if you excuse me, I’m still trying to unclench my hands as a result of watching the game.

  21. Surly,
    Sorry, but I don’t think Texas is executing enough of its denizens, and I have family there. Fortunately none of them are incarcerated right now, but some of their neighbors make me wish public hangings weren’t considered cruel and unusual punishment.

    I’d probably buy tickets just to watch, and bring the pop corn.

  22. Sutter said Kopitar had a bloody nose. No C word yet

  23. I just don’t understand why Steve Ott ever leaves the Staples center ice without several contusions and a dislocated shoulder. He’s a steaming pile of puss on skates – at the very least we ought to get some satisfaction out of a game like this.

    But no – lose to Dallas in OT, and maybe lose Kopi as well.

  24. Was at the game. That hit on Kopi looked really bad. Souray is a fucking pile of turd for going after JW like that at the end. Ott is another piece of dogshit. The zeebs holy shit they were on fire. Those fucking idiots were useless. Weird game. Good to see them come back.

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