Well, We’re Fucked

I knew the Edmonton Oilers were a strong offensive team. I admit I am highly envious of their leading scorer, Jordan Eberle, who I just love to watch. I haven’t seen much thus far of their second leading scorer, the infant Ryan Nugent-Hopkins. Does anyone else ever imagine that Ted Nugent raped Bernard Hopkins and shat out this kid? A glance at the horrible misfortune of Ryan’s underdeveloped face lends credence to this notion of his progeny. Second on the Oilers in goals is the Colin Fraser equivalent Ryan Smyth, who is also third in points. Toddler Taylor Hall is fourth.


When 116 assists halfway through a season only gets you 4th in team scoring, it doesn’t really matter how good your defense is or how All Starry of a goalie you have, you’re fucked. The Kings may as well just mail this one in. It’s hopeless.

Or is it?

I hope Jonathan Bernier starts. OK maybe that is hopeless. But I also hope Kyle Clifford hurts Ben Eager. I like those odds. I hope we hit their team so hard that the teeth fall back into Eric Belanger’s mouth. We are number one in hits. I hope Anze Kopitar gives Khabibulin fits. He is en fuego. I hope Sutter has his team ready from the get-go. The Kings are riding high and Calgary didn’t do much to wear us down. I expect no second half of back-to-back games sluggishness. I expect Edmonton to be a quiet hellhole by 8pm PST.

May the defense be firm, may the forwards be creative. May the checks be fierce and may the brittle backs of the skilled but one-dimensional Oilers break. Their five minutes of not sucking is long over, so let’s help the snowball along and kick them further down the icy hill on which they have been rapidly spinning.

All your Kings love and general disdain for all the crappy things about Canada go here. It’s your open forum.

Thanks to reader Josh for sending us the photo of FSW’s goof.

Go Kings Go!

Categories: L.A. Kings News

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19 replies

  1. Lol when I saw that last night I had to snap the pic and send it to bobby. I’m glad you guys enjoyed it. I thought it was pretty funny. Hall must have assisted on every goal the Oilers have scored all season

  2. Scared the shit out of me for a second, then I lol’d. It’s looking more and more like they made the wrong choice last year. Taylor still looks like a lanky high schooler.

  3. Khabubulin also apparently had a shutout against the Kings in the year 201. So that means he’s approximately 1800 years old. That swings things in our favor a bit. :)

  4. Well done FSW. Way to get the fan base pumped up. I think it’s really funny that they got screwed up the number of assists but still got the point total correct.

    I also think this picture of Khabibulin is funny:

  5. Would classify this game as a must win. Not from the obvious point earning, conference type needed victory, but from a team identity standpoint.

    On the road, second game of a back to back and against a depleted team. The boys need to go out and punish these young bucks right away. If they don’t, not sure they have truly taken that next step under Sutter.

    Go Kings Go!

  6. Surly..come on …such negativity!
    Did you stay up too late..get up on the wrong side of the bed ..or…
    We were great last night..if they have an energy caryover we will be fine.
    GO KINGS GO!!!

  7. Is it bad sporting to hope Jack Johnson again acquaints Ryan Smyth with the bench glass? Not for injury, of course, just to make things plain. Also, mullets were born to fly…

  8. I love bernie nicholls….,.

  9. Actually, I think Ryan N-H’s face is distinctly evolved — i.e. the next generation NHL. This kid will eventually — maybe sooner than later — bring something to the NHL that’s been lacking since the emergence of a certain someone back in ’79, who had a similarly feline, Cleopatra-like visage. Someday to be entombed in the pyramids and radiate among the Gods of the Nile. But whatever… He ain’t never gonna be on our team, so I guess you gotta hate him.

    Kyle Clifford, you’ll do for me.



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