I knew the Edmonton Oilers were a strong offensive team. I admit I am highly envious of their leading scorer, Jordan Eberle, who I just love to watch. I haven’t seen much thus far of their second leading scorer, the infant Ryan Nugent-Hopkins. Does anyone else ever imagine that Ted Nugent raped Bernard Hopkins and shat out this kid? A glance at the horrible misfortune of Ryan’s underdeveloped face lends credence to this notion of his progeny. Second on the Oilers in goals is the Colin Fraser equivalent Ryan Smyth, who is also third in points. Toddler Taylor Hall is fourth.

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When 116 assists halfway through a season only gets you 4th in team scoring, it doesn’t really matter how good your defense is or how All Starry of a goalie you have, you’re fucked. The Kings may as well just mail this one in. It’s hopeless.

Or is it?

I hope Jonathan Bernier starts. OK maybe that is hopeless. But I also hope Kyle Clifford hurts Ben Eager. I like those odds. I hope we hit their team so hard that the teeth fall back into Eric Belanger’s mouth. We are number one in hits. I hope Anze Kopitar gives Khabibulin fits. He is en fuego. I hope Sutter has his team ready from the get-go. The Kings are riding high and Calgary didn’t do much to wear us down. I expect no second half of back-to-back games sluggishness. I expect Edmonton to be a quiet hellhole by 8pm PST.

May the defense be firm, may the forwards be creative. May the checks be fierce and may the brittle backs of the skilled but one-dimensional Oilers break. Their five minutes of not sucking is long over, so let’s help the snowball along and kick them further down the icy hill on which they have been rapidly spinning.

All your Kings love and general disdain for all the crappy things about Canada go here. It’s your open forum.

Thanks to reader Josh for sending us the photo of FSW’s goof.

Go Kings Go!