Flames vs. L.A. Kings Game Day – Sutter Brothers’ Grudge Match From Hell
Grrrrr. Darryl no likey Brent. Brent no likey Darryl. Neither likey losing and mirrors no likey either of them.
As we recall from the Kings sound thumping of the Flames only 4 days ago, no one wanted to ask about the elephant in the room, that two storied brothers faced off in a head-to-head match of venom and bile. Reporters tried their best not to mention this tenuously strained relationship and its implications on the ice, sure to result in brutal fisticuffs between the two bench bosses, but Darryl and Brent Sutter couldn’t help themselves and extolled to reporters how much more important games between the Flames and the Kings are now.
From the LAKingsOutsider:
Question: Do you think the Flames will be looking for payback because the Kings snapped Calgary’s unbeaten home winning streak?
Darrly Sutter: “Of course Brent is looking for payback. He’s always been the uglier brother. People have often compared me to Sloth from The Goonies. Well if I’m Sloth then Brent is Darth Vader without his helmet. Brent’s been looking for payback ever since Momma Sutter used up the last of the good looks on me and Brian.
From The Calgary Unheralded:
Question: What is your strategy going into tonights game?
Brent Sutter: “Well, when we were kids Darryl was very protective of the goats. So tonight my strategy is to fornicate with a goat throughout the duration of the game. It’s not going to be easy, the boys are going to have to screw as a team. I only managed to get 4 of Darryl’s goats so we’re gonna have to manage our shifts carefully and go hard out there and not give up when they push back.
The two coaches will assuredly hold a special talk with their respective players before the game tonight. I managed to get a transcript of Darryl’s speech he plans to give before the puck drops.
Darryl: “So listen boys, most games aren’t very important. Most games, win, lose, whatever. But this game is different. Tonight we face my brother, Brent, on our home ice. You know what that means? Cattle. That’s right cattle. Anytime two Sutter brothers face off there are cattle at stake. Winner takes all the cattle on the farm. So don’t win this one for yourselves. Don’t even win it for me. Win it for Bessy and Bertha and all the other Milked Mounties of Alberta. Not only that, a new tradition will be started. Since we don’t have traditions like other teams who pass around a hat or some such after the game, from now on the team’s best player will get to milk those cows! Now tell me you want to win tonight! For Sutter pride, for those graceful beasts and, I suppose if you are the kind of city folk that cares about these things, for points in the standings.”
Rumor has it that Brent Sutter has a similar message for his team but his involves a cattle prod and brand. Dean Lombardi was pissed when he heard about Brent branding his players. He’d spent so much money on tattoos he kicked himself for not thinking of this much cheaper and less time consuming solution. As it turns out Jerome Iginla didn’t appreciate being asked to take the mark of property, while fellow teammate Olli Jokinen asked for an extra brand, having the number ’13′ burned into the flesh of his white ass as a ‘fuck you’ to Mike Cammalleri
Sorry. I haven’t written for almost a week so I’m rusty and forget how these things are supposed to go. I know threes are involved. Scribe’s three stars, some grammatically abhorrent nonsense about key three, Mike Richards being three sheets to the wind away from a dry island.
Oh wait, those are things that happen after the game.
For now this is just another open forum. See you at Staples.
Go Kings Go!