Flames vs. L.A. Kings Game Day – Sutter Brothers’ Grudge Match From Hell

Grrrrr. Darryl no likey Brent. Brent no likey Darryl. Neither likey losing and mirrors no likey either of them.

As we recall from the Kings sound thumping of the Flames only 4 days ago, no one wanted to ask about the elephant in the room, that two storied brothers faced off in a head-to-head match of venom and bile. Reporters tried their best not to mention this tenuously strained relationship and its implications on the ice, sure to result in brutal fisticuffs between the two bench bosses, but Darryl and Brent Sutter couldn’t help themselves and extolled to reporters how much more important games between the Flames and the Kings are now.

From the LAKingsOutsider:

Question: Do you think the Flames will be looking for payback because the Kings snapped Calgary’s unbeaten home winning streak?

Darrly Sutter: “Of course Brent is looking for payback. He’s always been the uglier brother. People have often compared me to Sloth from The Goonies. Well if I’m Sloth then Brent is Darth Vader without his helmet. Brent’s been looking for payback ever since Momma Sutter used up the last of the good looks on me and Brian.

From The Calgary Unheralded:

Question: What is your strategy going into tonights game?

Brent Sutter: “Well, when we were kids Darryl was very protective of the goats. So tonight my strategy is to fornicate with a goat throughout the duration of the game. It’s not going to be easy, the boys are going to have to screw as a team. I only managed to get 4 of Darryl’s goats so we’re gonna have to manage our shifts carefully and go hard out there and not give up when they push back.

The two coaches will assuredly hold a special talk with their respective players before the game tonight. I managed to get a transcript of Darryl’s speech he plans to give before the puck drops.

Darryl: “So listen boys, most games aren’t very important. Most games, win, lose, whatever. But this game is different. Tonight we face my brother, Brent, on our home ice. You know what that means? Cattle. That’s right cattle. Anytime two Sutter brothers face off there are cattle at stake. Winner takes all the cattle on the farm. So don’t win this one for yourselves. Don’t even win it for me. Win it for Bessy and Bertha and all the other Milked Mounties of Alberta. Not only that, a new tradition will be started. Since we don’t have traditions like other teams who pass around a hat or some such after the game, from now on the team’s best player will get to milk those cows! Now tell me you want to win tonight! For Sutter pride, for those graceful beasts and, I suppose if you are the kind of city folk that cares about these things, for points in the standings.”

Rumor has it that Brent Sutter has a similar message for his team but his involves a cattle prod and brand. Dean Lombardi was pissed when he heard about Brent branding his players. He’d spent so much money on tattoos he kicked himself for not thinking of this much cheaper and less time consuming solution. As it turns out Jerome Iginla didn’t appreciate being asked to take the mark of property, while fellow teammate Olli Jokinen asked for an extra brand, having the number ’13’ burned into the flesh of his white ass as a ‘fuck you’ to Mike Cammalleri

Sorry. I haven’t written for almost a week so I’m rusty and forget how these things are supposed to go. I know threes are involved. Scribe’s three stars, some grammatically abhorrent nonsense about key three, Mike Richards being three sheets to the wind away from a dry island.

Oh wait, those are things that happen after the game.

For now this is just another open forum. See you at Staples.

Go Kings Go!

Categories: L.A. Kings News

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34 replies

  1. You know, SJ . . . sometimes you remind me of me . . . but with the language cleaned up.

  2. This article had some weird and what the fuck moments. I intend to look at Surly tonight…and smile.

  3. The only thing about cows is the Flames. We are the bulls. We will come and mount at will. We will dominate as we did last game!

  4. I get worried before home games…

  5. Possession wise, Kopi’s line has been dominant with DD, and Scuds. Richards line has been terrible on their fenwick rating, but they were being matched up against the other teams best offensive players most nights. Interesting that they weren’t as much last game, but their fenwick was still terrible.

    We are talking Vancouver though, and they were pressing for offense because they were down twice in the game, and they are 3 lines deep.

    Still, I expect to see Sutter find some mismatches this game for the Richards line since he will have the last change, and hopefully get the Richards line going offensively. It would be a really good sign to see that line keeping the puck deep in Calgary’s zone, even if they don’t actually score a goal.

    • While I want to see Richards and his line do better as well, you have to consider that none o those guys play a possession game. Kopi and Williams play a big time possession game. Richards plays the “I’m going to get this puck to the net as quickly and effectively as possible” game. Stoll isn’t great on the boards and is mostly just passing an hoping to get open for a rebound and Penner is lucky to get to the puck before it is moved at all and really needs to spend his time in front of the net more. So I don’t think we’ll ever see those three play a real possession game. They will get in, shoot and hopefully just crash for rebounds. It can be effective but often results in change of possessions.

      • Penner did have a great game last game, made several hits (8 I think), Richardson has been really good at backchecking through the neutral zone, and Stoll has been pretty fast in open ice. A repruposing of their roles might be in order, and some tweaking by Sutter.

        That line is still a mystery to me, because on paper, that line shouldn’t have as low a fenwick rating as it does.

  6. Sweet. I got a thumbs down. I feel like we don’t get enough of those.

  7. . . . I am doubting the accuracy of these quotes

  8. lol cows classic

  9. Against Calgary the Richardson line was 40% avg. fenwick, against Edmonton 30% avg. fenwick, and Vancouver 47% avg. fenwick. 4rth line sucked too, but last game was 70% avg. fenwick.

    Richards line was the only -fenwick last game. Here’s the shot chart link against Vancouver


    • Sorry, that was supposed to read “Richards line was the only minus fenwick last game” but I got lazy and used the symbol, instead of spelling it.

  10. Yea Bitches!

  11. … If Cammalleri’s choice of number 93 is a dig at the Canadiens, he’s automatically become my favorite non-King player in the NHL.

  12. At least the 2 many men call isn’t because the guys are confused on who is getting on the ice. Just JJ being greedy.

    • … And on top of that, bad luck on the PK with Mitchell breaking his stick and Lewis hung out to dry. And, honestly – I think Quick should have had that. He had time to correct his position, he saw the shot all the way, it was from the angle, and it beat him on the short side. I think it was a case of Quick expecting a one-timer, and reacted before the actual shot took place.

      • I agree although I still wouldn’t categorize it as a bad goal. Too great of a shot to be a bad goal but still, the kind Quick is perfectly capable of stopping. Never like to get beaten clean but hey, once every 5 games or so the shooter is just gonna win one of those.

  13. Hard to say a cross ice pass to Iginla is a soft goal if Quick lets it in. If Quick didn’t stop it, most goalies in the league probably wouldn’t have fared any better. Iginla does have 500 and some odd goals in the league, and plenty of them looked just like that.

  14. Another brilliant game by the zeebs …

  15. God this game is slow. I get the feeling Calgary doesn’t want to open it up against the Kings with speed like Vancouver did. Thier playing us like Columbus.

    • Do you see what Calgary is doing in front of their net? 5 man collapsing as soon as the Kings gain possession. In the neutral zone? 1-4 all game log. Opening it up for them has been 1-1-3. Very frustrating. We’re going to need point shots with traffic to get one through.

  16. … Christ, Richards. There has GOT to be better execution on that rush. If you can’t settle the puck down, then just try a shot for fuck’s sake.

  17. … Hahaha Quick with the old-school two pad stack, and I’m STILL trying to figure out how the puck stayed out on the other end.

  18. Are you fucking kidding me


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