Top 10 Other “Amazing” “Coincidences” Scott Howson Should Know Are Neither

Boy oh boy. Nothing like communicating something really stupid and then realizing it was stupid, followed by realizing you wrote said stupid for the world to see and then scrambling to remove stupid except to find that someone smart took a screen shot of stupid.

(Foul! Cheats! Bastards! Oh wait, the timekeepers work for the NHL?)

The most interesting comment is of course:

“It is an amazing coincidence that with the Kings on a power play at STAPLES Center and with a mad scramble around our net in the dying seconds of the third period of a 2-2 hockey game that the clock stopped for at least one full second. I can only think of two ways in which this would have happened. Either there was a deliberate stopping of the clock or the clock malfunctioned.”

After reading this, I decided to take it upon myself to point out the top 10 things of which Scott Howson should be aware that, while on the surface may seem amazing and/or a coincidence, really are neither.

10. Notice all of those girls who skate out on the ice and shovel snow during TV timeouts and breaks?  Check out their great tits your players pretend not to notice? Not real.

9. That lion who runs around Staples Center like a maniac giving your players shit and rallying the crowd to a frenzy? Not a real lion.

8. A high scoring forward with a long contract and favorable cap hit from the Philadelphia Flyers is traded to his shock and chagrin and struggles to score goals with his new team that he never wanted to play for…oh you thought I was talking about Jeff Carter? Okay, that is not coincidence either.

7. My last name really isn’t Scribe. 

6. A team with the initials of B and J is bound to suck.

5. NHL off ice officials have similar incompetence levels as the on ice version.

4. Eric Cartman doesn’t hate your team. He is paid to talk smack.

3. The significantly more metal you hear at Kings home games is not the direct result of Surly constantly bitching about the topic on this site.

2. When a player for whom you trade won’t speak to the media, won’t return your calls and texts, and it takes weeks plus an entourage to visit his home to pull the bottle of Jack out of his hands and finally talk, you bought yourself a $58 million dollar case of what the hell was I thinking.

And the number 1 thing you, Mr. Howson, may be surprised to learn is neither amazing nor coincidence…

1. You’re fucked.

Categories: L.A. Kings News, Surly & Scribe Top 10 list

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18 replies

  1. Here’s my interpretation…”We (BJ) suck. We’ve been sucking donkey balls all season long and to be honest the point or two doesn’t mean jack shit to us. (As he wipes away a tear…) But GD it’s just not fair and we’ve been fucked all over again. Now with key players out of the lineup the boys played tough and we came up empty handed. (Slams his hand on the table…) GD it’s just not fair!!! Thank you fans (for even giving a shit) because quite honestly we do suck balls.”

    So why is he so interested in where the Kings end up at the end of the regular season? Why does he give a rat’s ass as to if we make the playoffs or not. Gain home ice advantage or not in the post season? Quite honestly what the fuck is it to ya? I would imagine that as the shitiest team in the entire league that you’ve got Plenty of other things to do than worry about us and what we’re doing over here. What a jackass!

  2. …If I could find a way…
    I’d take back all those things that’ve hurt you
    And you stay…


  3. That guy is off his rocker! No way is the points the kings earn have any effect on an east coast team! Instead of worring about what that kings did he should be worring about his own team! Oh and a team with the initals bj suck anyway lol!!!!!!

  4. It’s amazing how much absurd commentary there is about this. Regardless this is quotable Lombardi Gold:

    “Those clocks are sophisticated instruments that calculate time by measuring electrical charges called coulombs — given the rapidity and volume of electrons that move through the measuring device the calibrator must adjust at certain points which was the delay you see. The delay is just recalibrating for the clock moving too quickly during the 10—10ths of a second before the delay. This insures that the actual playing time during a period is exactly 20 minutes.”

    “That is not an opinion -— that is science -— amazing device quite frankly.”

    “The clock stoppage is actually common, just not always in the last seconds of a game leading to a GWG in that final second. It is the clock’s display syncing with the internal clock/computer.”


  5. I used to think Santa was real, then ….
    I used to watch WWF, then…
    I used to like boxing, then…
    I used to like the NFL,NBA & MLB, then…
    I used to read Rich Hammond, then…
    Well, I still love hockey AND the Kings, but I realize its still a business at the end of the day and I truly believe that the NHL is the least corrupt sport out of all the major ones..
    (sorry, but my feelings may change if the alleged “fixing” is not going to be in our favor)

  6. That sounds like Scott Howson has a full diaper to me.

  7. In all these replays, I love watching Jack Johnson throw Antoine Vermette to the ice. Great goal.

    Also, why didn’t Derek Dorsett get a game misconduct for breaking his stick on the crossbar? I know it wouldn’t have mattered for this game but if we’re calling in the troops to investigate the clock why don’t we look at that too? …And while we’re at it we should talk to the refs about that quick whistle earlier in the 3rd period while the puck was clearly still loose.

    I love that the “ref you suck” chant is becoming an every game occurrence.

  8. Great read man, #6 was my favorite, literally made my sides split. Anyways maybe Howson should spend less time coming up with excuses and blaming everyone else for his shitty fucking team he created and do the BJ’s a favour and step down. He is by far the worst GM in the league, terrible trades+terrible drafting=worst team in league with no cap space left.

  9. Expanding on 6 a minute here, If they have Ice girls, Do they get payed for supporting the BJ’s? I’ve seen a few of them, and the only thing I think when I look at them is BJ’s. Does that mean their doing their job?


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