I hate Rich Hammond’s parentheses. I want to beat him over the head each time he does it. After the game against the St. Louis Blues, we got this from twiggy.

(on struggling with breakout passes…)

SUTTER: “First period, it’s tough to make the first pass when your friggin’ (butt) is up in the air, from getting knocked on it. After that, we were fine.’’

What? The word used clearly was not “butt”. Hammond’s Amish filter on Insider either reframed the word “ass” or Rich has some fucked up idea of an ass synonym. Good grief, I hope he isn’t using antonyms. This is the problem with censorship. The filter kills the message.

Back to the quote. Let’s assume Rich’s fetish didn’t exist and the quote actually was, “it’s tough to make the first pass when your friggin’ ass is in the air, from getting knocked on it.”

Okay…

I feel like I am in high school, the teacher just said something really dumb and I am the only one who caught it…but I’m concerned about raising my hand and asking the question because there is a possibility I somehow missed something and it isn’t the teacher’s statement that was dumb but the question I am about to ask.

So, at the risk of asking something that may mirror the above, “excuse me, Darryl, why would the ass be in the air, from getting knocked on it?”

Ass. In the air. I googled it and didn’t get much help.

Could he mean, “it’s tough to make the first pass when your friggin’ ass is on the ice, from getting knocked on it.”

That would make sense.

I am running with that until someone points out what I am obviously missing.

Until then, let’s enjoy something that comes without parentheses or ambiguity