Dean Lombardi Made A Surprise Call To Don Meehan…

Surly called me up from wherever the fuck he is with his fiance to tell me he has a transcript of a call between Dean Lombardi and Don Meehan. So I asked him…

Me: What, from the summer? What the fuck am I supposed to do with that now?

Surly: No, dumb shit. From a couple of nights ago. I must have forgotten to take the tap off Lombardi’s phone and when I checked out the recorder and transcriber machine before I left, I found gold!

Me: You tapped his phone?

Surly: Yes…

Me: Did I know that?

Surly: Do you want this fucking thing or not?

Me: Send it over.

So, here it is boys and girls.

[phone rings]

Meehan: hello?

Lombardi: Hey jerkoff…

Meehan: Hey jackass! Didn’t expect to hear from you. Is it time for another go-around? I didn’t have you on my radar so soon.

Lombardi: Yeah, well, this isn’t about anyone coming up. It’s about Drew.

Meeham: Drew? My 8 year, $56 million dollar man? Hey, did my fist up your ass do any permanent damage? Come on, tell the truth.

Lombardi: I’m pissed off, Don. I told you this kid wasn’t ready for that kind of contract.

Meehan: Ahh. Poor wittle Wean Wombardi. Having buyer’s remorse. You know, I was just telling Burkie the other day, there are three people in this world that pay retail – Doctors, Japanese and you.

Lombardi: What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

Meehan: It means you paid for potential, dumbshit. Just like you didn’t want to do. You paid a 21 year old kid who won’t be on his game until he’s about 26, $7 million dollars per season between now and then. But you know what? It’s even better than that…

Lombardi: Fuck off…

Meehan: No, no, hear me out. You’ll suffer through it this season, maybe even next but then you’ll trade him and get some shit in return, shit with potential but which will end up being shit regardless and then, right before your eyes, you will see Doughty blossom into a superstar, the player he never was for you. Then again, you’ll be long gone by then but the fans, oh the fans, they never forget shit like that.

Lombardi: You’re fucking evil, you know that?

Meehan: Evil? You should consider yourself lucky. I would have never let my boy Richards sign that contract with Philly if I knew he was going to play for a schlemiel like you. You would have gotten him at an $8 million dollar cap hit and you would have paid it.

Lombardi: Yeah, well, you didn’t. And this is not over between you and I. I’ll fuck you yet.

Meehan: [laughing]

Lombardi: What is so funny?

Meehan: [laughing harder]

Lombardi: Stop being an asshole. Why are you laughing?

Meehan: I just got an email from my boy Zach, saying you are talking with Lamoriello…

Lombardi: You represent Parise?

Meehan: Jesus, you are stupid. I represent everyone. You get that? Every freaking one. I own you and the other GMs. You think those players play for you. Well, you and the other 29 play for me. Except you are my fourth line idiot that I sit two-thirds of the season. Who is that useless moron on your team?

Lombardi: Penner?

Meehan: No, the other one.

Lombardi: Hunter?

Meehan: No, no, the other one.

Lombardi: Stoll?

Meehan: Hey, watch it asshole. That is my client and no, the other one.

Lombardi: I don’t have all day.

Meehan: Moreau. That’s his name. You’re my Ethan Moreau. Do you know what I will do to you if you trade for Parise? It will  make the Doughty deal look like a trip to the 99 cent store.

Lombardi: Well, you don’t have my All-Star, Quick.

Meehan: Yet…

Lombardi: What does that mean?

Meehan: It means my fist is getting warmed up. What are you going to do when he switches agents?

Lombardi: Quick is a good kid. He won’t screw the team.

Meehan: He is your team, dummy. Without him, you’d be back to scouting, only this time for the Coyotes or something. You think I got Bryzgalov a sweet deal? I am going to make Jonathan Quick my Mona Lisa.

Lombardi: He’s not your client, you arrogant prick.

Meehan: He’s not my client, yet, Dean. Yet. So, why did you call me?

Lombardi: …

Meehan: Hello?

Lombardi: I can’t fucking remember.

Meehan: That happens when you’re under a lot of stress because your job is on the line, the fans are starting to call for your head and the leading media columnist wants a piece of you almost as much as I do.

Lombardi: Helene likes me.

Meehan: Oh I am sure. She likes you as much as you like reading about your top six left wing throwing out his back eating pancakes. How is the flying fridge working out for you?

Lombardi: Not too good.

Meehan: Hey, but those Surly & Scribe fools really wanted that trade, didn’t they? Are you still getting your trade ideas from them? Is that why you are so hot and heavy after Zach?

Lombardi: I don’t want to talk about it.

Meehan: Maybe you should put one of those fuckers in charge. I am sure one of them could draft or trade for a top 6 left wing in under 6 years.

Lombardi: I hate you.

Meehan: The feeling is mutual. Take care of that ass for me. I will need it again soon, I am sure. Ciao, bitch.


Categories: L.A. Kings News, Surly & Scribe Skits

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26 replies

  1. Doughty for a third and a mid level prospect, that’s more than he’s worth anyway. The important thing is getting rid of his contrant and re-signing Quicker.

    • … Hahahaha actually you get to have Drew Doughty for EIGHT MORE YEARS.


      You know, I was gonna be all “your post is why Kings’ fans can’t have nice things”, but then I realized you’re going to have nice things WHETHER YOU LIKE THEM OR NOT.

      And two years from now you can say “hey look at that Drew Doughty and I was always Drew’s biggest fan and that signing was the best thing the Kings ever did because we would have been fucking retarded to trade him away like we did that Larry Murphy guy” and maybe, just maybe, I won’t be around here to call you out on it.


      • Okay, like I’ve said before, Doughty does not equal Murphy. Doughty is more along the lines of a P.K. Subban, a somewhat talented, overrated selfish oaf.

        I personally do not he will live up to what he’s supposed to be but there is a chance, although small, that you could be right. I always agreed with you that replacing Murray wont solve that much as he say some other smart things occasionally though you are a pompous prick.

        We shall see in a couple of years……

        Doughty for a bag of marbles.

        • Okay, like I’ve said before, Doughty does not equal Murphy.

          … If you look at the context surrounding Doughty and Murphy, the comparison is quite valid.

          Murphy was 22 years old in his fourth season. Doughty is 22 in his fourth season, an exact match.

          Murphy started his career in an era where about 7.75 goals were scored per game. Doughty has started his career in an era where about 5.75 goals are scored per game. That’s 35% more goals.

          If you cut Murphy’s point total by 35%, he ends up with 164 points in his first four seasons. Doughty has scored 150 points in his first four seasons, and he still has thirty games left in this one. Doughty’s not far off.

          For what it’s worth, Murphy was a +14 in his first four seasons. Doughty is +16. Again, very close.

          Neither man won anything in his first four seasons. Murphy scored 11 points in 22 playoff games, and that’s not even accounting for his higher scoring era. Doughty has 11 points in 12 playoff games, a superior figure to Murphy.

          Murphy won a Cup at age 29 while playing on Mario Lemieux’s Penguins, and he won more Cups with the stacked Red Wings in the 90s. We know what Murphy did; we have 20/20 hindsight on that. We don’t know what will happen with Doughty, but whether you want to believe it or not, he’s very much on Murphy’s track right now.

          • I must say, you make some excellent valid points and put up lots of fancy stats but ill tell you this: if Murphy was on the Kings right now, as a youngster of coarse, he would be putting up Karlsson like numbers and be in the top 10 of TsN defenseman. The kings would also be in excellent playoff position, have even better defense, be in top 20 in scoring, and Murray would still be employed. That’s how much I think of Murphy and how little I think of Due, I mean Drew.

            I believe that that one magical season he had was a fluke. He was either hot or in the zone for that season or the opposition did not know what to expect of him yet. That there is my belief. Of coarse none of us will truly know for a while but as I said, we shall see…….

            Doughty for a box of that delicious organic Hawaiian tea I’ve been drinking.

          • put up lots of fancy stats

            … Fancy stats? I just used points and plus/minus. Those are the most basic stats out there.

            but ill tell you this: if Murphy was on the Kings right now, as a youngster of coarse, he would be putting up Karlsson like numbers

            … How would he do it??? Karlsson has 40 assists. There’s no way any defenseman on this team is going to have that many assists, because that’s not how hockey works. For every assist, there must be someone scoring a goal. Ottawa’s top six forwards have scored 97 goals. The Kings’ top six forwards have scored 64 goals. It’s impossible for a defenseman to rack up a ton of assists if the forwards aren’t scoring. Assists don’t materialize out of thin air.

            Karlsson’s had a really nice season, but for you to say Doughty’s season in 09-10 was a fluke and to say that Karlsson is a better player is disingenuous. Karlsson’s already passed his career high for points. Who’s to say that his season isn’t a fluke?

            It looks like you’re going out of your way to bash Doughty, and I know why, it’s because of the contract. Whatever. That’s your choice. Some others here have done the same thing. And you and the others can go on and on saying Doughty’s a bad player. You’re biased, and you’re dead wrong, but you can have that opinion. Personally, this debate is boring and completely lame to me. There shouldn’t even BE a debate. It makes Kings’ fans look terrible to even HAVE this debate.

            The entire team is struggling to score goals and it’s been that way all season. It’s just one of those seasons. The Kings have had this type of season before. To throw a little tantrum like a gay baby and point a finger at the best players and say “you don’t do enough and now I hate you because you make money!” is just ignorant. The team just isn’t that good, and the best players on the team can only do so much to combat the rest. I see so many people saying “with this talent level, how can they be so bad offensively?” and I’m thinking, that’s the whole thing – they’re NOT all that talented offensively. They don’t have any legit first liners except Kopitar. They don’t have any legit first pairing D except Doughty. Beyond that, what do they have? This is the sort of pitfall you’re going to fall into when overrating a team, but hell that is NOT my damned problem. I didn’t overrate them. I said this team would struggle. I said they overpaid for Richards. That’s why I’d rather step aside and let others squabble on this ridiculous debate about Doughty. On a certain level, I reject its entire premise, and it’s not engaging to me at all. So that’s it about Drew until the end of the season for me. Let’s talk about some other things, please.

          • “This”

            Noooooooo Dutch, I was talking trash about P.K., I mean Drew since last season, especially after he took that needless slash to the back of an opponent’s leg after the whistle and in direct view of the official. Fact is, the guy is a butthead and sucks. Karlsson is a character guy. I’ve watched him play and speak. He is far more intelligent that Douche Face will ever be.

            Okay, let me explain my reasoning so we can go on with our lives. I guerentee you Ottowa forwards would not be scoring as many goals without Karlsson. The guy makes smart decisions, makes great passes, shoots well through traffic and quarterbacks the PP infinetly better than Due. That is why you would see better stats and more goals. Douchy does none of those things well and his lazy play and dumb decisions have cost the team several points. All I’m saying is the guy is a chode and a cancer and should be dealt with as such

            Prove me wrong Duuchy, prove me wrong.

  2. In fairness to Lombardi, think about if he dragged out the Doughty thing longer. The Kings would have a shitty record (possibly worse than it was already) and the fans would be calling for his head, feeling he is a cheap bastard.

    Scoring depth has been the Achilles heel of this team. Not his fault that Richards has not come through (after a great start). The rest were not good moves on his part. Stoll has been a tremendous disappointment. Ditto for Penner. Probably could have done a few things differently…

    • I still think it was a huge mistake not to trade for Heatley when he had the chance.

      • I don’t. That guy carries plenty of baggage and I wouldn’t want it.

        • I don’t care about baggage when he can flat out score goals and what we need is a flat out scorer.

          Why does no one hold Lombardi to his word for his Paul O’Neill analogies? Perhaps that’s a good subject for an article…

          • Why does no one hold Lombardi to his word for his Paul O’Neill analogies?

            … Probably because when he says that Paul O’Neill is the type of player he wants to build around, he’s basically saying he has no idea what he’s talking about. O’Neill was a fine enough ballplayer for the Reds and Yankees, and he was very popular (being a white guy certainly had a lot to do with that) but he won rings because he was surrounded by superior talent. He certainly wasn’t the kind of player to build a team around, because any team with Paul O’Neill as its best player would lose more than it won.

            Lombardi really talks like he knows about a lot, and always likes to come off like he’s the smartest guy ever, but he really isn’t (at all), and the O’Neill analogy is a perfect example of this. Lombardi should stick to hockey comparisons instead of talking about baseball.

          • Well you are misremembering the ONeill analogy. The analogy was that when you have your core leadership in place, you can bring in a guy who is an asshole but has talent because he won’t take over the dressing room. That’s why I said Heatley is the example of this and that he keeps looking for character when really, our leadership group is established. Unless you are trading Kopi or Brown, then you have your leadership core right there, so either go get a guy who has talent even he his character is questionable, or shake up the leadership group.

            I’m actually more inclined towards the latter. I love Kopi and Brown but I just don’t see them as the best leaders. Maybe Richards changes that eventually.

          • BTW, O’Neill is the asshole in the analogy.

          • Well you are misremembering the ONeill analogy. The analogy was that when you have your core leadership in place, you can bring in a guy who is an asshole but has talent because he won’t take over the dressing room.

            … Oh, is that how he said it?!?! Huh. Well, that’s a dumb way of looking at it because O’Neill wasn’t an asshole at all, he was just a hard-nosed player. O’Neill wasn’t any more of an asshole than Kirk Gibson or Don Mattingly.

            O’Neill was actually one of the leaders of the Yankees’ clubhouse during their championship years in the 90s; probably THE leader of that team after Mattingly retired. He probably would have worn the “C” for them if the Yankees were mandated to have a captain, like hockey teams do. So, I don’t know where Lombardi gets “asshole” from, maybe he was pulling stuff out of his asshole again. That asshole seems to hold a lot of misinformation.

          • Asshole was my word. Again I’ll find you the quote.

          • … Put it like this, Jacob: O’Neill is to baseball what Adam Deadmarsh was to hockey – hard-nosed, hardcore, hustling, etc., but not an asshole. Deadmarsh wasn’t an asshole to the press or to his teammates; he was looked upon as one of the leaders, and probably would have worn the “C” at some point for the Kings if he hadn’t been hurt. Deadmarsh was good, but hardly the player to build a winning team around – Adam needed to be surrounded by better players.

            Both Deadmarsh and O’Neill were solid, popular, outwardly competitive, flawed, overrated by some, but hardly assholes.

          • Well I only remember Paul O’Neill’s name. I’m just telling you how Lombardi referenced him. Whether or not he is right in his assessment of O’Neill is not my point. My point is when do we go get someone purely for their skill despite their character, which is how DL used the reference. I’ll find the quote for you…

            Or rather, is our leadership group strong enough in the first place? Can we really build on Brown and Kopi as the foundation for a cup team we want them to be. I’m iffy on that.

          • Looks like even I’m misremembering the quote.

            ““It’s called the ‘Circle of Identity,’” he explained. “The [New York] Yankees did it for years. Whenever you’re building a team, and I got this from a pretty smart general manager, it’s how an identity of a team is built. You can always go back to the Yankees. [After Derek] Jeter and all those guys came from their system, they became the identity of that room. Then you add a Paul O’Neill, then you can even go out and get an idiot because he can’t overtake your room.”


  3. spot on dudes. You’re right Doughnutz will eventually get there @26. I honestly dont think we’ll be serious contenders until he stops screwing around.

    “I’ll fuck you yet”


  4. Crosby skated today, took a dump, and will be mentioned tomorrow on NHL Live, NHL Tonight and at least a few times when the latest trade rumors are reported.

    Today its Kulemin or MacArthur from Toronoto. IMO Kulemin although he isn’t having as good a season as he did last season.

    I hope now that Sutter has been able to work with this team he can figure something out, to get them to put the puck into the oppositions net.

    I hope that Sutter and Lombardi can make a list of potential players who they feel can help ignite the offensive issues, without giving away too much.

    • You’re feeling optimistic Neil. Who are they gonna give up to get something? Also, there is a lot of talk on the Rangers broadcasts that they need more scoring as do several other teams who probably have more to offer in exchange.

      • Who are they gonna give up to get something?

        … That’s the whole thing about all of these “let’s make a trade lol” posts. The Kings don’t have any surplus player of value to trade except for Quick, and he’s not going to be traded anytime soon. Any trade for the Kings would be, at best, a sideways move. The other teams’ GMs don’t sit around thinking “hey, what can I possibly do to make the L.A. Kings better?” I’m afraid not. They’re not going to take garbage from us and give us gold in return. That’s fantasyland thinking.

  5. I’m not giving up anything, the Kings are.

    Burke seems to be reportedly after a Top6 forward. I don’t think the Kings have that Top 6 forward to offer Toronto. If you look at Toronto and their areas of need, the Kings don’t have much in terms of solid needs for Toronto.

    I still believe Grabovski is a better target, since he is a UFA after this season. The asking price would probably be much less, since he does walk, and there have not been any reported negotiations for a new contract.

    The Kings could sign Grabovski once the season is over, provided the asking price isn’t too steep for Grabovski, and give themselves a goal scorer for the next few years depending on signing Grabovski.

    The knock on Grabovski was his defensive reponsibility, which he has responded to under Wilson.

    There are too many unknowns with Gagne, and with Stoll and Penner set to become UFA’s, Grabovski most likely wont be asking more than 4 mill max per season. But this is just from what I have read.

    The one thing the Kings have are defensive players and prospects. I am not sure who Toronto would be looking for, but if its a defensive player, then there could possibly a trade made.


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