Think of the game of hockey. Easy enough.

Picture the last ten Kings games. A bipolar affair.

Imagine there were none before it and the playoffs started now. Why?

Now say we play Phoenix next game and we win. Their season is now over.

You have to wait a week for the next Kings game. It’s against San Jose. We win! Niemi had an off night but too bad, no more hockey in Northern California for 4 months.

Another week drags by and we play Detroit. Oh boy. The game goes to OT and we win on a questionable call by the referee. yippee!

No hockey now for two weeks. Crosby’s team hasn’t even seen the ice for almost a month but still, every damn radio and tv station won’t shut up about him. The Kings are all set to play the Bruins. One game, winner take all. People are excited about the game but even more so, millions set their DVRs so they don’t miss the $4 million Big Bear Mountain Ski Resort commercial. I hear it has singing dogs and monkeys masturbating.

Game day arrives and the streets are empty. All are tuned in to watch the year’s biggest event. Kings vs. Bruins. People who don’t even know what icing means will be watching and cheering. It should only take 4 or 5 hours until we know who wins. It would go faster, but between each period Madonna will slip one of Janet Jackson’s nipples up her ass and that will slow things down. The national anthem is set to be sung by some rapper with a lisp whose name more closely resembles a chemical compound found in cleaning agents than anything a parent may write on a birth certificate. No matter, our ears have gone deaf to the sound of drums blaring fight songs for each team that all really sound the same. A mountain of people carry on as if they never left college though they weren’t intelligent enough to be accepted in the first place.

Meanwhile I’m out of town, very glad that I watch football instead of hockey and that I get to see my team play at least 82 times a year. That when my team makes it to the playoffs and the finals and I’ll get to watch them at least twice in my stadium each round. Thank god I am a football fan and that when my team wins a championship it will be because they have proven themselves to be the best beyond doubt and reason, that the whims a single day brings have been ironed out and rendered neutral by the tests of time and the magic of the rematch.

It’s also pretty cool that for one Sunday each year, the golf courses won’t be crowded.

Enjoy watching the Super Bowl as much as I will enjoy avoiding it.