Things I Learned About Football By Not Watching The Superbowl
Look, it’s no secret Surly & I have one sport – hockey. That’s it. We are monogamous, though more than a little sadomasochistic.
The problem with this super “bowl” thing (other than it makes me think of weed) is you can’t get away from it. It’s like an airborne virus…a boring one. Anyway, here is what I learned.
It’s actually not played by puppies.
A goal is called a touchdown, even though you don’t touch anything once you score and the idea is to stay upright.
A goal is 7 points. The final score of tonight’s game was 21-17. It’s a 3 – 2.3333 league.
There is also a “field” goal, which is less than a goal. It’s like hitting the post and getting almost half a goal. I hope Gary Bettman isn’t reading this. Don’t want to give him any ideas.
The team called the Patriots is from “New England.” I am glad the dipshits lost. Pick a State.
This is their trophy.
This is a fucking trophy.
Jonathan Quick is a New York Giants fan. Matt Barry is a New York Giants fan. This is likely the only thing Quick and Barry have in common.
Back to this bowl thing. In college, they also have bowls, lots of them. In the professional version, it’s different and it’s “super.” Still makes me thing of weed.
The sport is basically a modern version of outdated warfare. They walk to a line, shoulder to shoulder and face their opponents who also stand shoulder to shoulder. Then, instead of leveling their muskets or rifles and firing a volley, they run into each other.
They play 16 games during the season. I
learned did not learn this from Surly’s earlier post. 16 games. Basically, their season is the month of October and the first third of November. I am still unclear about their playoffs because I didn’t actually read Surly’s post.
Madonna is 50. I would still hit that.
This New York Giants’ quarterback, Eli Manning (that is the guy who throws Stewie Griffin’s head) has a 7 year, $106 million dollar contract…Dean Lombardi could never be a Football GM. His head would explode.