Chuck Norris is proud.

He doesn’t smile often, but when he does, he means it. Tonight, Chuck Norris is smiling. Not because Andrei Loktionov scored his second goal in as many games (who didn’t love that Lokti smile and the point to his leg after the puck went in!), not because Dwight King got his first NHL goal and not even because Jordan Nolan got his first! No, Chuck is happy because the Kings won. They fucking won a game. A game where they were kind of outplayed, had a bit of luck on their side and bent, but never broke.

We were due.

…oh look, Fox Sports West went right to some baseball history program thirty seconds after the game ended…have I mentioned Fox Sports, Prime Ticket and generally all hockey coverage on television in Southern California sucks? I think I have.

If I can gripe about one thing or, better written, one player, it is Dustin Brown. Where was he? Did he decide to take Sunday off? He wasn’t skating, he wasn’t hitting, he wasn’t hustling, he looked like a smaller version of Dustin Penner out there. Brown was no Bruce Lee tonight. But speaking of Penner…fuck Penner. I know we should be showcasing him right now and sitting him is probably not the best way of doing that (maybe they are trying to avoid injury before we ship him off for a conditional draft pick) but fuck his inconsistent play and general pancake eating demeanor.

Man, I am all over the place today. Back to the game.

So, I heard 4 separate virgins have popped their cherries against the Dallas Stars this season. Westgarth, Voynov, King and Nolan. That right there boys and girls is called a “train” and three out of the four probably left a mark or two. Hey, if they, the Stars, are going to act like tramps, we might as well treat them like it. So long as it is consensual.

My Mr. Miyagi inspired three L.A Kings stars

3. Rob Scuderi

2. Jordan Nolan

1. Dwight King

Now, you may be asking yourself, “what the hell, Scribe! Where are the women?”

I am glad you asked…

An Ugly Woman