This morning, my thoughts fell on Rick Nash. He makes $7.5 million this season (cash, not cap) and will make progressively more money for the next six. He currently plays for the seventh circle of hockey hell. He’s not having any fun. So I thought, “what would I do if I was Rick Nash?” As my brain bounced from “get a better haircut” to “date super models”, the answer came into focus – mess with Scott Howson and drive him bat shit crazy over the next 24 hours. Here we go.
10. State to the press, “I am just looking forward to playing with Jeff Carter and competing for the Stanley Cup this season.”
9. Change his list of teams at the top of each hour.
8. Call Jeff Carter his “best friend” and start a twitter war with Mike Richards.
7. Fire Joe Resnick and hire Jack Johnson as his agent (caution: only L.A. Kings fans will get this one).
6. Instead of referring to himself as “I” or “me” during interviews, use “the Blue Jackets franchise player and sole promise of hope.”
5. Insist to Scott Howson that, as a condition of any trade, Surly & Scribe must break the story.
4. Put himself on I.R., retroactive to February 1 due to “pre-deadline stress syndrome.”
3. Put in a vacation request.
2. Just leave.
And the number 1 thing Rick Nash can do in the next 24 hours to drive Scott Howson crazy…
1. Publicly tell the New York Rangers that if they gut their team for him, he will make them regret it for the rest of their miserable lives.