Jeff Carter coming back to Columbus isn’t a story…unless you are out of stories. Or dumb.

What is a story is one mother fucking Johnson who I expect circled this game on his calendar shortly after the trade, even if he may deny it tomorrow. He’ll probably say, “we just want to get the two points”, “you always want to perform in every game regardless of who you play or your record” or similar deflective niceties. Maybe he will actually tell the Columbus media, “I’m kicking ass and breaking some fucking heads on Thursday”, which, if Hammond wrote it, would come out, “I’m (motivated) and (ready to play) (this game).” I doubt it too.

Did Jack, our resident gym rat for four full seasons + this one, do a few more reps on the bench press this past week? Probably.

Has his smirk been more malevolent than usual? Likely.

Did his father, Jack We’ll Get You Out Of Ohio Son Don’t You Worry But God Your Mother Is Sick Over It Johnson say to him, “you go out there and **** them up! **** them for ****ing trading you, kick their ****ing ass, I will **** Dean Lombardi up myself if I see his ****ing face within a hundred yards of mine, ****ing kill them Jack, kill!” So that’s what it would look like if we had a filter on this site? Good to know. Will never happen.

Will he want to send Drew Doughty through the boards? Maybe.

Will he get the chance? Hmm.

Will he be a + something just to piss off our reader, Sydor25? He hopes not.

The Blue Jackets have won three in a row. Perhaps they have become comfortable with the spoiler role.

The Kings are suddenly en fuego, scoring at a torrid pace and ready to leap-frog the 28th ranked offense of the New York Islanders to catch…the Columbus Blue Jackets. Huh. An ironic coincidence. What?

What is the who with the how on the when at the where that will keep our offense going. I warned you last game about rising expectations and the Kings did nothing to quell it. They gave me 5 with a side of heart attack and tomorrow I want the former without the latter and a defense that shuts Nash and company down.

“Will Jonathan Bernier play?” This isn’t baseball. And yes. He better. He will. Fuck off. I don’t know.

While there is no story to tell about Jeff Carter coming back to the land of corn-fed females, let’s hope Carter makes one by following Ohio’s Super Tuesday with Somber Thursday for Blue Jackets fans. Did you know the infidelity rate for the State of Ohio dropped 0.5% after Carter’s trade to the Kings? It’s right here. How many women do you think he banged while there? Were any of them on the Ohio State Women’s Rugby team?

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Blue Jackets won’t come out and play dead for us. We have to be as we have been – aggressive from puck drop – especially with our defense joining the rush. Columbus’ defense is porous. Let’s expose it.

GO KINGS!