Source: Dustin Penner Close To Signing Two Year, $7MM Deal


What the fuck, right? That familiar old term of contention, deal in principle, applies to this situation, but only in so far as the papers haven’t been processed.

We heard about this last night but hesitated in posting it out of a) disbelief and b) disgust. Ultimately that disgust churned itself into ire and as we are no stranger to lashing out against Lombardi’s idiotic moves, we felt it necessary to share. Partly out of a petty sense of commiseration.

I’m not totally sure what Penner will be paid each year, or exactly what his cap hit will be. What we were told was “the deal is for two years and about $7 million”. Aaaaah. Okay fine, Penner hasn’t been utter shit since being out on a line with Stoll and Lewis. Good enough to where I had warmed to the idea of him returning next season but in my head that was always for a big pay cut, as in, at the MOST half of his current $4.25 per year. If Lombardi has to overpay for what truly is one of the season’s biggest league-wide disappointments, then the man is more incompetent when it comes to contract negotiations than I thought, which is saying something. It’s like finding out that a deaf person can’t even read. Or that the really ugly chick at work with the great tits is just stuffing her bra.

Color me exasperated.

Update: It’s official. Fuck. Here is the link.

Categories: Surly & Scribe Humor

Tags: , , ,

29 replies

  1. Goddamnit you got me you son of a bitch.

  2. You Fucker! Ha!

  3. Not only that it’s a no trade. Fucking bullshit. Lombardi knows he’s out and is corn holing the team.

  4. It’s an April fools joke!

  5. I can’t believe any of you fell for that shit!

  6. i was sitting in a cold hotel in new jersey pissed off for a few minutes til i saw the update.

    you guys are good. im glad its not true and i hope lombardi is not that dumb!!!

  7. Per policy, I don’t believe anything on this day, but great job on getting the others!

  8. Got me completely. Well done sir.

  9. You really had me going all the way…especially with Update at the end. DICK!!

  10. You Bastard! :D I nearly shit my pants.

  11. Surly you ass. The only way you got me was the fact that i really do think Lombardi would be this dumb.

  12. You rat bastard……….good one

  13. This must be sympathy money for losing his trophy wife? Maybe it is new seed money to help him land a new trophy wife?

    Maybe it is money to sign up for a summer hockey boot camp to relearn how to skate, check, pass, fight, battle, and score, along with some sports shrinks to find out why he is so lost and confused out on the ice?

    This news is proof that DL does not ever read this blog or related tweets, since about 99% of us here vent that he is unable to play hockey in the majors any longer. Ditto for Sutter.

    Maybe the Mafia is behind this.

    DL and Sutter know we here will be outraged and they are doing this to piss us off more.
    This news is basically ruining my Sunday.
    I need to cool off with some Bloody Mary’s
    and send hate mail to DL.

    • I don’t care this is April Day spoof on us.

      I had to write my utter contempt so that I could get permission from the old lady to drink today. She said of course fine.

  14. I nearly shat myself. Very well done.

  15. Lets go to the ESPN zone at 1 today to celebrate the DL/Penner signing news….

    Penner beer on the house for all and one…

  16. DL will give Penner this contract anyway because Penner got all of these intelligence and mental inventory test questions right recently…..

  17. Dustin picking up his last paycheck from the Kings…….

  18. Richards asking for advice from Penner….

  19. You got me. Damn! Glad its not true. Penner just doesn’t fit.

  20. Oh. I thought the April Fools joke was that they traded away Wayne Simmonds, and that some blogs said he’d be a regular thirty goal scorer and leader.
    That would’ve been a good one wouldn’t it of?

    Oh…………………………….. wait.

  21. I just shit myself

  22. Ha! Ha! Ha!

  23. Ha – ha! Much mirth. It is to laugh.

    But meanwhile, reality is settling in like the dirt shoveled onto a freshly dug grave.

    What I feared most — that the final two games of the season would actually have meaning — has come to pass. Here it is — noo-clear combat toe-to-toe with the Roo-skies! We can win the division or tumble down to the shit side of the playoffs. For real hockey fans that’s what this game is all about.

    For me? . . . I just wanna throw up.

  24. Wow! I had recently been to before I came here. When I saw the end of the article (‘its official’) I had to go back to check if Hammond wrote about it!

    Needless to say you got me really good…

  25. Very nice job. Ya got me. Arghhh.

  26. Got me too dammit

  27. Well played, Sir Surly, well played.


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