Top 10 Things JT Dutch Will Do If Quick Wins The Vezina

The following list was written last Wednesday in a fun attempt to draw reader JT Dutch out from the shadows in which he had lurked for about a week or two. We love JT (in that Mr. Wilson to Dennis the Menace kind of way) and this place always gets a little duller when he takes his ball and goes home for a time. He came out of his hiding all on his own though after last Thursday’s upsetting loss to San Jose, not surprisingly, to jump on board with the rest of Kingsdom in jumping on Jonathan Quick’s overplayed back. So I didn’t post it at the time.

After today’s heated Vezina debate, spurned on by our last podcast, this list feels ever more amusing. So to get some levity back in this bitch, I bring you the top 10 things JT Dutch will do if Quick is awarded the Vezina.

10. Apologize.

9. Crap his pants.

8. Go into massive debt from buying every jersey Quick has worn since he became an NHL player. For purpose of praise or voodoo ritual, I don’t not know. But I do know that’s 7 jerseys, ~$1400 before tax. He will then try to pay the credit card company off in ellipses.

7. Never post here, or anywhere, ever again.

6. Post here more than ever.

5. Nominate Jonathan Bernier for the Masterson Trophy.

4. Write a dissertation on every goal Quick has given up this year, with stats using advance calculus equations depicting to the nth how the defense did all of Quick’s work for him.

3. Show up on Quick’s doorstep, drunk, with a bloody knife in one hand, Martin Brodeur’s severed head in the other, a sinister grin and a tear rolling slowly down one cheek.

2. Fall to his knees, throw his hands up in the air and bellow “I believe!” as a white light brightens him from on high.

1. Blame all of those that voted for Quick as stalking him and posting here under alternate user names. Meanwhile, somewhere in an abandoned downtown warehouse Player X laughs because it was him all along.



Categories: L.A. Kings News, Surly & Scribe Top 10 list

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10 replies

  1. Funny stuff!

  2. I love it.
    Great post.
    Hilarious.
    Been reading this blog all season. No one has gotten on my nerves like jt. But u gotta hand it to him, I love reading his comments.
    U guys don’t no me, I’m the one that looks like Jesus at the games. Sat everywhere. Been on all cams nd the tv.
    Thanx for this website, read it religiously.
    Jt, thanx for being the devil’s advocate with quickie.
    Hate myself when I agree with u, even if it’s for a second

  3. never really do the fish, i stick to the water into wine thing. haha. hope to see you guys at a second round home game. at least.

  4. 1. Blame all of those that voted for Quick as stalking him and posting here under alternate user names. Meanwhile, somewhere in an abandoned downtown warehouse Player X laughs because it was him all along.

    Not me exactly, it was my army of minions. The warehouse leads to a mag-lev transport tunnel, and it takes us to our secret island with underground missile silos, decoder rings and skull-jack implants for direct thought-loading, but we only communicatge via a couple of Enigma machines from World War 2. This is all done so we can work peppering J.T. with up to one or two negative comments a week spread over a month or so. The good part is we do all this while scores of 23 year old computer-whiz implant recipients stand by to perform hand-bras on command.

  5. Fuck JT, who cares about the moron.

    That dude will probably stay single his whole life.

    Who in her right mind would put up with his shit besides a deaf woman?

    • Oh, I forgot the second thing I wanted to say.

      Quick won’t win it this year, last two games sealed the deal.

      But it’s pretty obvious Quick has been outstanding this year. Except to that one ignorant shithead who thinks day is night and up is down.

      Nothing to be ashamed about being a Vezina finalist though. Well deserved.

      If on the off chance he does win, it’d be awesome. It can go either way, but the intangibles point to the fucker in NY.

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