LA Kings @ Vancouver Canucks Round 1 Game 5 Open Forum – End Game

You are worried about Cory Schneider. I know you are.

You are worried about Daniel Sedin. Admit it, I won’t judge.

Allow me to assuage, to impart my confidence on to you.

Schneider has had an easy ride. The Kings have given him many soft shots from outside the circles to casually stop. They have allowed him ample space to work his craft, unobstructed and without spears in groin or asses in face. These things need be rectified tonight. So shall they be done and so shall this needlessly heralded reign of Schneider be undone.

Daniel Sedin is dangerous. He is a threat. We all know how to deal with threats. Plot, plan, scheme, destroy. A Daniel Sedin cringing on his keester courtesy of Dustin Brown’s shoulder or Drew Doughty’s hip offers two boons. Sedin’s head may have tested positive for play, but it has not been subjected to the test of being snapped back violently by way of devastating, clean shoulder check at center ice… Or in front of the Canucks bench, they seem to appreciate those. Which signifies the other boon. The Canucks are hyper protective of their carbon copied mongoloids. This noble quality is besmirched by a childlike inability to control aggression in the face of anger. The Canucks are, when psychologically impugned, bulls without horns, a hornet’s nest with not a stinger among them. A wave of the cape in the form of after-whistle sticks in Schneider’s pads and well placed stones cast between Alex Burrows’ eyes should do the trick. Let them charge, watch them buzz and stomp them out.

I find these to be the two keys to the game. Of course, the Kings must also do the obvious. Mind the gaps, stay out of the box and be opportunistic. Dustin Brown, lead the way. Drew Doughty, step up to the golden plate, use your silver spoon. Mike Richards, make me forget all about Wayne Simmonds’ awesome playoffs. Jonathan Quick, show Cory Schneider what it means to be an All-Star goalie.

Play this game the way we have played many before and the Kings will have to rush to the sink after the final buzzer to wash from their hands the slime that seeps from the pores of Canuck hands.

As always, we must pray.

In the name of the Captain, the Son of Philly and the Holy Goalie.

Bless us Oh Hockey Gods, and these thy gifts, which we are about to receive, from thy bounty, through LA Kings, Our Team. Amen.

Blessed are You, Kings our Team and Team of our fathers, Team of Dionne, Team of Luc and Team of Gretzky, the great, mighty and awesome Team, exalted Team, who bestows bountiful goals, who creates all wins, who remembers the insanity of the fans, and who, in love, brings a redeemer to their fans’s children, for the sake of Our Kings.

Peace be upon no Vancouver fan, without mercy or blessing of Kings.

Our Kings, who art back in Vancouver
Hallowed be thy game.
Thy kingdom come, thy wills be done
On their ice as it needn’t be on ours.
Give us this day our daily goals, and forgive no Canuck their transgressions,
As we pound into submission those who trespass against us.
And lead us past the first round,
Past these evil Canuck fucks.

Hail Kopi, full of grace, the fans are with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst players and blessed are the fruit of thy skills, goals.
Holy Kopi, dominant of centers, play for us sinners,
Now until the hour of our Cup.

Go fucking nuts.



Categories: L.A. Kings News

Tags: , , , , ,

26 replies

  1. Can anyone tell my why the fuck NBC or the NHL would have spread out this series so much as to only be at game 5 while pretty much all the other series are at game 6, even having WSH and BOS playing back to back?
    I don’t understand how they can allow this many days between games.
    This isn’t some travel issue, and its not some prime time issue.
    I really question the motives or either the NHL or NBC.
    Was it really necessary to force us to watch the end of the PIT 10- PHI 3 blowout before switching over to the pre-game and start of the Kings game 3?
    I am almost giddy with the thought that NBC/NHL might have a ratings nightmare on their hands.
    The thought of the Panthers/Predators/Blues/Kings/Coyotes the teams in the finals, even a series must be a public relations nightmare for the NHL/NBC.
    I would love the Kings to make the finals.
    I would really love Bob Miller and Jim Fox to be part of the broadcast, not Doc Emmerick and Pierre Maguire, and Mr. excitement Ed Olczyk.

  2. My nerves are shaky (but I got my meds waiting), but AMEN!!!

  3. Amen father

  4. GO KINGS GO!!!

  5. ahhhhhhh…. mennnnn

  6. Carbon copied mongoloids……………haha that Shit is hilarious. GO KINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. Im not worried I’m just anxious. I want to get to that next round.

  8. Headed to the Stadium now. Go kings go!

  9. 1st period… EHHHHH

    • Not great, not terrible. Mitchell is a hero and Greene did enough good to balance out his double fuck up on the goal.

      My issues- still not enough bodies going to the net and this panicky throwing the puck up the boards shot every time we get pressured. Stand your ground sometimes an let them battle and win the fucking battle. Freaking out and lobbing it away from pressure energizes the other team.

  10. Rocking the Clifford jersey in this damn warm weather to keep his killer spirit alive.

  11. Getting KILLED with these F’N penalaties!!!
    how can we get any momentum going this wayI am so so sick of the chipping.. can’t we skate just a bit?? Takes away every offensive play we have..
    damn damn

  12. Why does Doughty always hesitate with his shot?! Ugh!

  13. Yeah Richardson!!! Kill! Kill! Kill!
    GO KINGS GO!!!



  16. FUCK YEAH!!!

    Kings Win!!

    Goodbye Vancouver!!!

  17. STOLLLLLLL!!!!! 2nd Round Muthafuckas!!!

  18. Let there be rioting in Vancouver tonight :D

  19. STOLL! You sexy Motherfucker!!!

  20. Win/Win for me. Kings advance and Edler, Sedin’s could be available to the Swedish team for the World Championships, unless the sisters have a headache :)


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