Before I met my wife, I was a bit of a player – as I write that, I have no idea if the word “player” is still the word for a guy who got laid – which is to say I got laid a lot. No relationships. No commitment. Just fun. I loved women and one thing I did differently than most men who couldn’t get out of their own way, much less into her secret garden, was practice the art of kindness. Tell a woman she is beautiful and she smiles. Make her feel beautiful and you’re planting Amorphophallus by the row.


“When you beat the Presidents Trophy winner, you become the No. 1 seed and I think everybody knows that,” said Hitchcock, whose second-seeded Blues will enjoy home-ice advantage for the series. “Obviously when you beat the Presidents Trophy winner, that’s very significant. To win it in five games gets the whole world’s attention. We all know how good they are and how strong of a team they’ve got.”

Isn’t that nice? I think that’s nice. Their coach saying nice things. It’s good to be nice.

From the site, St. Louis Today:

“LA plays nasty … they play real nasty,” Blues coach Ken Hitchcock said. “To a man, they play with an edge. They follow the coach’s orders and they finish all their checks. They don’t swing away on anything. They play with a level of commitment to physical play that’s going to be a challenge for any team. So we’re first up.”

Hmm. That was beyond just nice. That was downright flattering. Like a “look at you, those eyes, hips and oh those lips” kind of flattering.

“Watch any of the games against the Canucks,” Backes said. “(LA) played hard every shift and they’ve got four lines that are willing to invest in the game. Their resiliency … they’re a similar team to us, where they’re in your zone and on your defense and make you make plays before you want to. When you’re doing that, you create mistakes and offensive turnovers and transition. We just need to stay with our game, get through their checking and know that you’re going to get hit. And know that for the better of the team, you’ve got to keep going and not retaliate.”

Suddenly, I hold a second drink, don’t remember having the first one, the light is dim and I stare into a big smile.

“Someone tweeted that it’s going to be the first game that’s 0 to minus-1 … that’s pretty creative,” Backes said. “We like those types of games, that’s our style. (But) we’ve got to be prepared. They took out the No. 1 seed and they’ve definitely got the firepower to keep on trucking in this thing.”

Okay, stop. These fuckers are trying to fuck us. They’re trying to paint us as some bad-ass opponent that should be feared and respected and psyche us out. You know, I liked it better when the hockey world outside of L.A. didn’t think we had a chance, those smug cretins from Vancouver thought we hadn’t earned the right to skate on the same ice as them, much less eliminate their punk asses 4-1 from the playoffs and we wore the underdog badge with pride.

St. Louis finished the regular season with 109 points, tied for second best in the league and only two behind Vancouver. Their goals for – goals against differential was +45. They have two goaltenders in Jaroslav Halak and Brian Elliott whose goals against average and save percentage is near the top of the league. They are young, fast, skilled and, unlike Vancouver and San Jose, are a suffocating defensive team. Speaking of San Jose, the team to whom we lost the last two games of the season, St. Louis eliminated them in the first round 4-1. So don’t go blowing sweet nothings up our ass, as if we are somehow the favorites. Sure, we carry a swagger now that we are in the second round and of course it should be a great series, but we’re not going to slide it off, lay down and see if our toes can touch the back of our neck. Hitch your cock back where you found it.

Have you seen who you’re talking to?

We do the fucking around here.