Those Sweet Talking Blues Are Trying To Fuck Us

Before I met my wife, I was a bit of a player – as I write that, I have no idea if the word “player” is still the word for a guy who got laid – which is to say I got laid a lot. No relationships. No commitment. Just fun. I loved women and one thing I did differently than most men who couldn’t get out of their own way, much less into her secret garden, was practice the art of kindness. Tell a woman she is beautiful and she smiles. Make her feel beautiful and you’re planting Amorphophallus by the row.


“When you beat the Presidents Trophy winner, you become the No. 1 seed and I think everybody knows that,” said Hitchcock, whose second-seeded Blues will enjoy home-ice advantage for the series. “Obviously when you beat the Presidents Trophy winner, that’s very significant. To win it in five games gets the whole world’s attention. We all know how good they are and how strong of a team they’ve got.”

Isn’t that nice? I think that’s nice. Their coach saying nice things. It’s good to be nice.

From the site, St. Louis Today:

“LA plays nasty … they play real nasty,” Blues coach Ken Hitchcock said. “To a man, they play with an edge. They follow the coach’s orders and they finish all their checks. They don’t swing away on anything. They play with a level of commitment to physical play that’s going to be a challenge for any team. So we’re first up.”

Hmm. That was beyond just nice. That was downright flattering. Like a “look at you, those eyes, hips and oh those lips” kind of flattering.

“Watch any of the games against the Canucks,” Backes said. “(LA) played hard every shift and they’ve got four lines that are willing to invest in the game. Their resiliency … they’re a similar team to us, where they’re in your zone and on your defense and make you make plays before you want to. When you’re doing that, you create mistakes and offensive turnovers and transition. We just need to stay with our game, get through their checking and know that you’re going to get hit. And know that for the better of the team, you’ve got to keep going and not retaliate.”

Suddenly, I hold a second drink, don’t remember having the first one, the light is dim and I stare into a big smile.

“Someone tweeted that it’s going to be the first game that’s 0 to minus-1 … that’s pretty creative,” Backes said. “We like those types of games, that’s our style. (But) we’ve got to be prepared. They took out the No. 1 seed and they’ve definitely got the firepower to keep on trucking in this thing.”

Okay, stop. These fuckers are trying to fuck us. They’re trying to paint us as some bad-ass opponent that should be feared and respected and psyche us out. You know, I liked it better when the hockey world outside of L.A. didn’t think we had a chance, those smug cretins from Vancouver thought we hadn’t earned the right to skate on the same ice as them, much less eliminate their punk asses 4-1 from the playoffs and we wore the underdog badge with pride.

St. Louis finished the regular season with 109 points, tied for second best in the league and only two behind Vancouver. Their goals for – goals against differential was +45. They have two goaltenders in Jaroslav Halak and Brian Elliott whose goals against average and save percentage is near the top of the league. They are young, fast, skilled and, unlike Vancouver and San Jose, are a suffocating defensive team. Speaking of San Jose, the team to whom we lost the last two games of the season, St. Louis eliminated them in the first round 4-1. So don’t go blowing sweet nothings up our ass, as if we are somehow the favorites. Sure, we carry a swagger now that we are in the second round and of course it should be a great series, but we’re not going to slide it off, lay down and see if our toes can touch the back of our neck. Hitch your cock back where you found it.

Have you seen who you’re talking to?

We do the fucking around here.

Categories: L.A. Kings News

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36 replies

  1. I take the compliment in stride. He sounds like Sutter. Build up the other team so that your own team doesn’t take them lightly.

  2. Thank you so much Bobby Scribe. I have been thinking about this series all day. Mostly because of the LA Times articles I read today. I am craving these games.

  3. This is 100% bulls eye right on, they are trying to smooze anybody that will listen. I am 100% positive that not one Kings player is gullible to believe any of that crap. Each Kings player knows that the Blues want to cause any damage and harm they can get away with, both mental and physical. That their true brain thoughts is destruction and disgust towards the Kings. That is hockey.

    Sutter summed it up best and simple, when he said:

    LOS ANGELES—The gospel of successful playoff hockey, according to Los Angeles Kings coach Darryl Sutter, is indisputable.

    “Goaltenders, special teams, top players, unsung heroes and discipline. Write it down and don’t forget it,” he said.

    “It’s true. It’s part of the hockey bible. I’ve seen it for 35 years, live.”


    Okay, so that is the bible we go by, since Sutter is in charge of this team, not us. So,
    that is how Sutter is talking to the squad and we ought to play along. He probably told them the same stuff with the Cansucks.

    Now, as for the party guys, macho stud hook them up whenever possible, good night life and beach time fun, all of that works for me only if they win, which so far has been happening since Carter arrived. I don’t know what Carter and Richards are passing around to eat or drink, but, it is working and more of the same is okay by me.

    Yeah, Kopi, you got to go with the party guys to be cool. You are basically there already because you got the Euro roots and probably read everything you need to know about Jagr to set the Euro standard. Even Richards and Carter would invite anytime Jagr any time to hang out.

  4. We played them four times this season.

    We know they’re big and fast and young and have the only defense in the league stingier than ours. Other than the first time we met them — when they still had Sniffles the Mouse as their coach — the games have been absolute ball-breakers.

    I don’t think we’ll take them lightly. And I don’t think Sutter will take Hitchcock lightly.

    • I underhand a post to you so you can hit it out of the park and this is what I get. Stingier. Sniffles the Mouse. Lightly. The ball-breaker comment wasn’t even a tickle. I leave disappointed at your limp reply.

      • “Underhand a post?”

        I thought you were using all this hockey talk just to flatter your own dick.

        Maybe we can apply “amorphophallus” to MacDonald. (“Ooooooo, Andy! You’re too beeg! You keel me with that theeng!”)

        Or have Dewey and Mitchell make goo-goo eyes at the St. Louis forwards when they hit the neutral zone. (Is it a penalty to dry-fuck a guy while you’re back-checking?)

        We oughta show St. Louis it’s not just their pussy that matters. We deeply care about them as human beings

  5. I see this as an insult. This isn’t meant to “respect” us. No! This is meant to remind his team that they can’t look past us. They already feel they have won and are telling their players to “not take us lightly” because they already have. I say take this bouquet of flowers and shove it so far up their collective ass that they bletch petals. They were happy we beat the Nucks because now they are the “best” team left. Let them buy us a steak and dessert and leave them with Blue balls

  6. Since the Kings were celibate most of the season and the St. Louis Herpes got around quite a bit, I recommend a lot of condoms for the Kings this series. Unfortunately, with both defenses in top form, I don’t expect a lot of ‘rubber’ to hit the net, if you know what I mean. Wait. On second thought, I-myself don’t even know what I mean because this was the most bizarre ‘hockey’ story I’ve ever read.

  7. Lets get this straight about Ken Hitchcock and anything that comes out of his mouth from now until the Kings beat the Blues:


  8. Does Lou fucking Holtz ring a bell?

    • Hmm. Too odd of a name for a porn movie. Not sure what a Holtz is unless you misspelled horse. Can’t be an actual name of anyone puck related because I would recognize it. I give up.

  9. I am not buying a dam thing that Hitchcock wants to sell:

    GO KINGS GO!!!

  10. I am so glad I am not the only one that saw that uncalled for statement from that pug face blues couch. I have NEVER heard anyone say that OUR LA KINGS are nasty players. Physical yes, NASTY? NO!! nastier than Vancouver? I don’t think so. I was shocked to read such a rude statement. This series should be a good one. If they feel that we are nasty, they will be the team in the penalty box more often than not. We KING players need to keep our focus on the prize & knock these punk asses put also. Force the penalties legally on them & we will prevail once again. ROCK ON KINGS !! PASSION, PRIDE & most of all POWER.

  11. Been listening to the Bee Gees much lately, Bobby?

    “You can tell by the way I use my walk I”m a ladies’ man. No time to talk!”

    Thanks for reminding us what a studly romeo you were. As if we ever doubted it.


    • I loved the Bee Gees. Not really my generation (one generation before me) but I still dig their music. It makes me think of 70’s cars and wide bush, the latter of which died down in the 80’s and the former of which is still cool.

  12. This is the greatest post ever. I love this Suttering site.

  13. Totally unrelated but here’s something I posted on regarding the Pacific Division: and I quote…
    “To the pundits;
    I’m an LA Kings fan. I was born a Nordiques fan, but we all know what tragically happened to that! Anyway, I moved to LA a decade ago, got a job a Staples Center that allowed me to watch the games (for the most part). Through the years I became a Kings fan. Not because I live here but because I got to know the team.
    Not personally (I wish) but rather through their play and rationale. If you paid the least bit attention to the west coast you’d realize that the reason the Pacific division fought ’til the end to make the playoffs is not because it’s a weak division, but rather because it’s an incredibly strong, parity-filled division. All the teams, even the Ducks, have been built for the playoffs. That’s why we had 3 teams in said playoffs, and the Central (the Canucks division f.y.i) had but one. That being said, can we be done with underestimating the Kings or the Coyotes? They’re both truly legitimate. The Pacific Division is still the toughest division in hockey.
    There you have it.”

  14. Speaking to your post though, playoff hockey, as I’ve said before here, is partially psychological warfare. They’re just trying to condition themselves. Our guys should do the same and I think they are. In fact, I would say that because of our veterans, we have a leg up in that direction. Either way, this series is going to be the proverbial “War Of Attrition”.
    I believe our Kings will prevail though. Not because I’m a fan, but because I think we have more swagger, more zen. And be “we” I mean, of course, our boys! :)

  15. This getting serious. What happened to Dutch?

    I get the feeling he’s gonna wake up nude in a Rancho Cucamonga motel room, his clothes gone, his wallet missing, and marked-up stat sheets scattered all over the floor.

  16. Hitchcock is a sneaky bastard and no one should ever take what he says at face value. Most of the time he says one thing and means entirely another. That’s what pissed me off about him most when he coached in Philly.

    (Also missing Dutch. Who is there to argue with without him?)

  17. Feels like a this will be a repeat of the first series….with us winning of course. Gotta hustle and let them KEEP thinking they are the best. The way I see if when I read this…whatever helps them sleep at night. Mainly because they wont be doing much sleeping when they wake up for game 4 with the Kings leading the Series 3-0. :)

  18. Lets keep an eye on what Dave Taylor may or may not say as he has been the player personnel chief for the Blues. Deep, deep, down in Taylor’s soul he has to be pulling for his Kings, but, has to do all he can for his current team to win. Just saying….
    I don’t trust anybody if they are wearing anything Blues.

  19. When he was GM for the Kings he imported a lotta big guys. I remember Hitchcock — then coaching for Dallas — voicing his fear of facing us in the playoffs because we were big and fast and smart.

    Dave is now doing the same shit for the Blues — damn his ass!

    Like Hitchcock says, “You can’t teach size.”

    It was the loss of SIZE that made me most uptight about this year’s team — losing Smyth and Zus and Poni and Simmonds (who plays bigger than he is). God bless the good sense that brought up King and Nolan. Even Carter has some height, if not bulk, though it’s clear he’s playing on a wounded hoof.

    I sure wish we had another banger on the blue-line. Some over-muscled, obnoxious Barry Beck motherfucker with fangs and a dense, pre-human glare.

    • Good points. I forget which year it was, seems to be in the 90s, that the Kings had the most beef pounds in the line up for the whole NHL. It did not matter in terms of getting deep into playoffs.
      You know, sometimes it really boils down to “heart”, where for example, remember Richards going after Yote Hanzel last February.

      Whatever, the Kings will need to make sure their hearts are ready for the test to deal with the beef being delivered.

  20. You make me smile.

    I have to tell you I thought the same damn thing. Why is Hitchcock wooing us? Why the flattery from the players too? Reverse psychology? psychology at all? what is he doing that I do not know about!!!!

    Pissed me off. I kinda hate them now.

  21. Off Topic:
    Has anyone seen or know where I can get a Kings neon bar sign? Been searching to no avail.


  1. (2) St. Louis Blues vs (8) Los Angeles Kings Series Thread - Page 5

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