St. Louis Blues @ LA Kings Round 2 Game 3 Open Forum – Aggressor Defined

Coming home with a 2-0 series lead? Been there.

Leaving Staples up 3-0? Done that.

No reason we won’t do it again.

Though the St. Louis Blues will have something to say about it, people in St. Louis speak not with words but with… with… um… oh hell I don’t care enough about the city to make a culturally relevant remark. They like curving, functionally meaningless architecture, stole a football team and that’s about it. I don’t expect that type of dullness to take form through their team’s play tonight, but I do expect them to play the game of simpletons and to leave with fewer wins than their city has tourist attractions. If ever there was a city to forget, it’s St. Louis, and if there is a team to be forgotten this 2nd round, it’s the Blues.

Nonetheless, the Los Angeles Kings must not take their success lightly. Tonight will be the hardest game of the series. After being plastered in the first period of game 2, the Blues proved themselves to be capable of playing until the final buzzer with determination, reckless abandon and focused hostility. Brown will be targeted. Doughty will be hunted. As we cracked thunder and lightning upon them when last game opened, there will be a blitzkrieg tonight.

If the Kings have proven one thing this playoffs it is that they can withstand an attack. They are fortified, deeply entrenched in their system and their confidence rides on diamond steeds.

This game can define the series. St. Louis can get themselves back into this series, regain even footing at home ice and go into Sunday with the ability to render the first 4 games a wash. Or they can be decimated, left more crippled, battered and bruised than a mouthy woman after dating Matthew Barnaby, Patrick Roy and Joe Corvo. Game 1 Quick got away with a crime. Game 2 we slapped them around. Game 3 is the kick to the face.

I don’t use the analogy of violence lightly. I want some retaliation. Not in the traditional sense of “hey that was dirty so I’m going to slash you” plays that put you in the box, but in the grander scheme where revenge is exacted pointedly by Brown, King, Nolan and Doughty by way of crushing blows and timely, spirit-breaking goals.

David Backes must be stopped as the impregnable wall stops the wrecking ball. TJ Oshie must be rendered as irrelevant as his birth name. Andy McDonald must be bitch slapped as hard as his face is priggish.

The Blues must fall.

I want goals, I want saves, I want stingy defense and grueling offense. I want Carter to snipe, Richards to aggravate, Doughty to dangle, Brown to lay waste, Kopitar to amaze and Quick to stone. I want a win.

It is for these things that we pray.

In the name of the Captain, the Son of Philly and the Holy Goalie.


Bless us Oh Hockey Gods, and these thy gifts, which we are about to receive, from thy bounty, through LA Kings, Our Team. Amen.

Blessed are You, Kings our Team and Team of our fathers, Team of Dionne, Team of Luc and Team of Gretzky, the great, mighty and awesome Team, exalted Team, who bestows bountiful goals, who creates all wins, who remembers the insanity of the fans, and who, in love, brings a redeemer to their fans’ children, for the sake of Our Kings.

Peace be upon no St. Louis fan, without mercy or blessing of Kings.

Holy Sutter, Holy Stevens;
We give you thanks
that your Schemes, Attitude and Leadership
Are manifest with Power and Pressure
throughout all zones,
within all lines,
and we accept your Tutelage now,
in defense and forecheck.

I pray to the wunderkind, the play-maker, destroyer of all cap space, the enemy of forwards, of great brilliance, the descendent of Orr and of Borque, the one who shines like the Dewey flower.

I invoke and call upon thee O Father Mitchell,
Lord of long stick, Master of all lanes and gaps.
I invite you to the blue line;
Defend it, sustain it, make it home.

Our Kings, who art on home ice
Hallowed be thy game.
Thy kingdom come, thy wills be done
On our ice as it was on theirs.
Give us this day our daily goals, and forgive no Blue their transgressions,
As we pound into submission those who trespass against us.
And lead us past the second round,
Past these evil Blues fucks.

Hail Kopi, full of grace, the fans are with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst players and blessed are the fruit of thy skills, goals.
Holy Kopi, dominant of centers, play for us sinners,
Now until the hour of our Cup.

Go fucking nuts.



Categories: L.A. Kings News

Tags: , , , , , , ,

35 replies

  1. Prediction Time:

    Other than Voynov’s huge goal in Game 1, the entire defense has gone very silent. Not missing it much right now, with our top six all firing like mad. But I sense a point will come where a good defense (probably either that of the Blues or Coyotes, with a maybe on Nashville?) will manage to bottle up our top six for a stretch, and will use that to threaten us with defeat. And at that moment, when all looks most bleak, Drew Doughty will pop in a single, 7 million dollar, playoff changing goal.

  2. Something doesnt sound right with that prayer. We are on our ice now, not theirs. Lets not jinx things!

    regardless, boys will be ruthless and beat them into submission sending their asses back home on Sunday singing the blues.

  3. Report from the morning Skate: Clifford is cleared to play. He stayed out though so it looks like Sutter will hold him back for conditioning, or until we need a fresh look, which I think is probably a good idea. No need to rush a player into the lineup for a team that is doing well.

  4. In reading all of the commentary coming out of St. Louis and the East Coast/Canadian mainstream media, with some other media sites elsewhere, the basic view is that the Kings only need to keep doing the same thing in the different ways they have played since before the playoffs and since they began.

    They all talk about Quick being the #1 anchor and defender of the team, who merely keeps doing his thing.

    Next, they talk about King muscle guys, that are out hustling the opponent in the one and one battles, corner scrums for puck control, and presence in the slot and crease area.

    In other words, according to many so-called media experts, the Kings are not being pushed around and off the puck and stopped on their aggressive activity, whether offense or defense. Hence, that is the ticket to further success for the Kings.

    It all sounds logical and good to me.

    The Blues have a lot of figure out at Staples to win, since they now have to contend with a greatly improved offensive presence and the stingy defense and a goalie who is sharp and

    Not only all of that, the Blues have to figure out ways to stop their weaknesses and errors, including the dry spell on the PP.

    So, the Blues have the real burden to fix to so many things that went bad for them, and that is the big issue. If they cannot, and the Kings keep up their recipe and strengths, the Kings can finish them off.

    GO KINGS GO!!!

  5. Please update the prayer now that we are home….sloppy work…but a great post….I’d have liked Burtuzzi’s name in that list of goons.

    • Bertuzzi was a goon amongst kings of goons, but as far as I know he never beat his woman to a pulp. So he’s got that goin for him.

      And I fixed the prayer! I’m sorry! Very embarrassing.

      • Has tuan jim extracted himself from the excessive semen yet? Where are you bro?

        • Or is his head stuck to the mattress?

          • These playoffs are making me completely spastic.

            I’m afraid to do or say anything for fear of fucking up The Way Things Are Going. Every word, every blink of the eye, every sigh — EVERYTHING seems fraught with danger and bad karma.

            So if I hide in the weeds it’s not because I don’t care. I care so much I’m paralyzed.

  6. First game of the playoffs I won’t be able to watch live on tv tonight. Hockey calls. Stick to the plan. Outhustle, Outmuscle, Outscore. Go motherfuckin’ Kings!

    Will be in 314 Sunday. Can’t wait to add to the passion!

  7. If the King players have been reading all of the media accounts and listening to the TV discussion, they have been made into hockey Gods now. I hope that works to pump them up and take no prisoners tonight.

    If they did not read and listen, it does not matter, as they know how to play championship style and winning hockey, ever since February, practically 3 months now!

    They have earned the accolades. Why not live up to it too!!

    GO KINGS GO!!!

  8. Wtf NBC? Kings game on the same channel as the devils game. 5:45 to go and it’s tied 3-3. Kings game starts in 7 minutes! This is fucked. It’s bullshit that there’s no local feed. We don’t even get the option to hear bob miller. Wonder what bob’s been up to this playoff?? Haha

    • Yeah they did not even start coverage until puck drop, tried the radio feed but it’s about 12 seconds ahead of the tv feed, how gay now have to listen to these bozo commentators

  9. At least you’re able to watch. NBC is still showing the NJ/PHI game. Kings won’t start till it’s over. I’m screwed

  10. Lol! Poni wins it for NJ…former king. He finally helped LA!

  11. Kings playing elite type hockey. Great full team effort rolling 4 lines and D guys doing great puck control and clearing.

    Hitchdick told Hayseed that his team has to play 5 on 5 as too many stupid penalties.

    Good for us and bad for them.

  12. They are sleep walking in the 3rd period so far… Wake up!

  13. 3 down, 1 more to go.

  14. Blues did not solve their issues and problems.

    They don’t know how to beat LA.

    Gordie Howe hat trick for Mike.

    Kings looked really sharp and confident.

    Get out the brooms.

  15. UGH fuck NBC so much. I like how after Doughty’s goal they declared it a freebie and decided to instead focus on the chance the Blues had that preceded it. Scoreboard bitches.

  16. Hayseed interviewing Drew in post game and blowing his bad breathe on Drew. Way too close sitting down almost on Drew’s lap.

  17. As you said…

    Decimated. Crippled. Battered. Bruised.

    We did that.

    And now for the coup de grace.

  18. Surly! I’m glad you asked that question about Bob and Jim. Fuck Hayward! Where do I sign the petition? :)


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 4,286 other followers

%d bloggers like this: