Los Angeles Kings @ New Jersey Devils Stanley Cup Finals Game 1 Open Forum – Bow Thee Heads, Relish Thy Day

Hello folks. Men. Women. Boys. Girls. Kings fans.

We are gathered here today because we share a mind, a common coalescence of swelling pride, immutable thrill and overwhelming anticipation. For we, my friends, my bothers and sisters, my amassed lovers of puck, we watch tonight as our very own Los Angeles Kings take the ice in game one of the Stanley Cup Finals.

Let’s savor that,

The Stanley Cup Finals.

Motherfucking Finals.

Fuck me.

The Finals.

We have waited, we have paid, we have sowed seeds of discord and confidence, anxiety and patience, malcontent and unconditional love. All for this. All for this chance. Tonight the child of the sun opens its eyes upon the galaxy of darkness. Fire and brimstone dares to halt our brilliance. Devils stand to succor what glory we have to give.

I had written a very personal article yesterday at 37,000 feet in the sky as I hurtled towards New York. Unfortunately technology bested me and that article seems to be inexorably lost to the data-sphere. But no matter. I write to you now from the Eastern Seaboard, ready to cheer for our Kings at the Prudential Center, feeling closer to this team than I have ever dared to feel, to tell you that our moment has come. Our time is not now. It is our future that is upon us. Only once the dreams of the West have been fulfilled shall the time that dared to be now be proclaimed as having been. When lips touch glistening silver, when chalice rises over head.

But challenges stand in our way. New Jersey, a team that has beaten odds as unfavorable as our our own, means to strip of us our prize. So shall they be stricken down. So shall they be undone.

One game at a game. Four games to go. For each victory, we pray and for this first we balance on bended knee.

Say it with me kindred hockey spirits, for ours is the glory and the glory be unto the Lord of Stanley’s Cup.

In the name of the Captain, the Son of Philly and the Holy Goalie.

Glory be to the Captain,
And to the Son of Philly,
And to the Holy Goalie
As it was in the beginning, is now,
And ever shall be,
Playoffs with the Cup end. Amen.

Bless us Oh Hockey Gods, and these thy gifts, which we are about to receive, from thy bounty, through LA Kings, Our Team. Amen.

Blessed are You, Kings our Team and Team of our fathers, Team of Dionne, Team of Luc and Team of Gretzky, the great, mighty and awesome Team, exalted Team, who bestows bountiful goals, who creates all wins, who remembers the insanity of the fans, and who, in love, brings a redeemer to their fans’ children, for the sake of Our Kings.

In hockey heavens who is great? Thou Kings art great!
On ice who is great? Thou Kings art great!
When thy voice resounds in hockey heaven, the hockey gods fall prostrate!
When thy voice resounds on ice, the NHL kiss the snow!

Peace be upon no New Jersey fan, without mercy or blessing of Kings.

Holy Sutter, Holy Stevens;
We give you thanks
that your Schemes, Attitude and Leadership
Are manifest with Power and Pressure
throughout all zones,
within all lines,
and we accept your Tutelage now,
in defense and forecheck.

I pray to the wunderkind, the play-maker, destroyer of all cap space, the enemy of forwards, of great brilliance, the descendent of Orr and of Borque, the one who shines like the Dewey flower.

I invoke and call upon thee O Father Mitchell,
Lord of long stick, Master of all lanes and gaps.
I invite you to the blue line;
Defend it, sustain it, make it home.

Blessed is he who is The Piece for the sake of wholeness.

As it was,
As it is,
As it shall be
O Thou Carter
Of goals!
With the forehand
With the backhand
O Thou Carter
Of goals!
With the forehand
With the backhand

Our Rookies, King of steadfastness, strengthened Nolan, Voynov foothold, support us against the disdainful people.

I profess myself a Penner-worshipper, a Pennercakean, having vowed it and professed it. I pledge myself to the well-played puck, I pledge myself to the well-delivered hit, I pledge myself to the well-fed monster.

Let us know victory.
For as long as the skates shall glide,
For as long as the chemistry shall flow,
For as long as the goal light shall shine,
For as long as the confidence shall grow,
Let us know victory.

Voices above,
Voices of Fans,
Yell from your couch or barstool;
Voices below,
LA King’s Inner-voices,
Speak from the dreams of childhood;
So may our playoffs be beautiful.

Our Kings, who art in New Jersey
Hallowed be thy game.
Thy kingdom come, thy wills be done
On their ice as it was in thy first three rounds.
Give us this day our daily goals, and forgive no Devil their transgressions,
As we pound into submission those who trespass against us.
And lead us past this final round,
Past these evil Devil fucks.

Hail Kopi, full of grace, the fans are with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst players and blessed are the fruit of thy skills, goals.
Holy Kopi, dominant of centers, play for us sinners,
Now until the hour of our Cup.

Go fucking nuts.






Categories: L.A. Kings News

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51 replies

  1. A fan since 1986, at the tender age of 11, I have glided with the ups & downs of our beloved Kings for many, many years. This is our time. The time to finally celebrate the greatest feat of our sport.
    I woke early this morning, with butterflies in my stomach and a smile that Mike Tyson couldn’t knock off my face.
    Lovin it!
    GO KINGS GO!!!

    • Dude!!! I started really watching in 1986 at the age of 12!!!!! Weird. I was always Luc or Bernie playing roller hockey in the driveway.

  2. FINALLY…game day. Now just have to wait out a few more hours.

  3. AMEN!!! Hallelujah! PeacE on EARTH!!!

  4. “The longer the waiting the sweeter the fu**ing joy”!!! Lifetime supporter from the north of Sweden!!

  5. I am picking the blonde over the brunette, as she looks like one mean and tough forechecker.

    GO KINGS GO!!!

  6. Fuck the Devils! I want to look all of them straight in the eyes and I want to tell them what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit they are! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?

  7. Enjoy and Represent Surly!
    This Fan is there with you in full blown 3000%
    Love of our Los Angeles Kings…how Amazing this is..
    GO KINGS GO!!!
    ALL THE WAY!!!

  8. Oh, most beautiful and stunning hockey angle, can you confer your power and fortitude and charm
    upon the LA Kings, including any extra athletic grace possible upon Jonathan Quick so that he in mille seconds sees and blocks and catches all pucks that may be proceeding in this direction.

    GO KINGS GO!!!

  9. A battle between good and evil. los ANGELes kings – new jersey DEVILS. Good will always prevail and we will come out on top.

    dirty jersey, all eyes are on you. lets see what kind of hockey you will play…

    almighty kings, we are behind you, screaming, cheering, praying. We’re ready for the cip. Bring that baby home! :)

  10. I am flipping the fuck out sitting here at work. I can’t handle it. I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED.

  11. Kopi will be laser focused in this series to be our scoring machine.

    GI Kopi Go!!

    Go Kings Go!!

  12. For all the one shifts at a time, for all the one games at a time, for all the love we have for our kings, let’s finish this series like the others before total domination. GKG

  13. My love for the Kings = Girl at party: “What did you do earlier today?” Me: “I went to the Kings game.” Her: “With who?” Me: “Myself.” She then gave me an odd look.

    And the Kings lost 1-0 to the Blue Jackets.

    But now it’s time for the Cup! Go Kings go!

    • Lol. I know that look. I’ve done the same thing before. Maybe I am weird or whatever, but fuck it, if I have the urge I’m going to the game by myself! I don’t need company I know to make me feel better, I have 18000 brothers and sisters in the crowd with me screaming their asses off as well.



    [Freakout complete].

  15. Bob Miller has the sprit too, Lets Go Kings!

  16. … Just going to take all of this in. It took the Kings a long, long time to get back here. I’m not wasting one moment of any of this.

    I respect and admire what the Devils have done in their history. It will make it all the sweeter if the Kings are able to beat them in this series.

    One game, one period, one shift at a time. If the Kings can get this done, they’ll walk together forever.


    • Game one done,,
      One game one Period One Shift..
      My friends say I have been low key about this.. yes causiouly hoping and dreaming and willing this journey to go ALL THE WAY!!
      only with King Fans can I share the freakout..the insanity the LOVE for our Boys1
      GO KINGS GO !!!
      ALL THE WAY!!!

  17. Ahhhhh mennn

  18. So apparently the Kings are up for sale… Anyone else read about that?

  19. We are about to witness the passing of the old winner and the birth of a New Dynasty. GO KINGS GO!!!!!!!!

  20. Niklas Lidstrom to announce retirement tomorrow.

  21. Is it 5 yet?? So nervous! GKG!

    • Been a fan since I was 4, 1971. I was born in 1967 the yr the Kings came into existence and I have dreamed of this moment for as long as I can remember! Kings in the Stanley Cup Finals has a great ring to it and I can’t wait! Go Kings!

  22. Game 1! Set the tone, boys!


    GO KINGS GO!!!!!

  24. Good period. Start building momentum in this series!

  25. Kings playing their brand of hockey. Great effort and puck control. Got to like it!

  26. Stupid goal there at the end of the period. Let’s get it back and put these A-holes away!

  27. YESSSSS!!!! The Slick Slovenian!!!!

  28. omg omg omg. nobody ruin this with legitimate comments. fuck yes fuck yes fuck yes

  29. Sweet justice for the Kings after Parise tried to cheat with that false hand goal.
    Kopi put Brodeur in the popcorn machine, and then he shot a great highlight reel goal.

    Go King Go !!

  30. … Unbelievable to see how emotional Fred Roggin was right after the game, doing the post report for KNBC. He did that whole thing through his tears. I’m right there with you, Fred, believe me.

  31. Score: Kings : two real authentic goals.

    Devils: one fluke goal.

  32. kopi didnt deak brodeur out of his jockstrap, he deaked him out of his depends! lol

  33. Great game! Good start. Stay the course. Now there is only game 2.

  34. Brownie hits shook our SoCal ground. Magnitude 9 there and a 4 here.


  35. Boobs Fraser Tits Kopitar

  36. :)
    1 game closer.
    1 game at a time.
    is it saturday yet?

  37. Go Kings Go!!!!! We can do this……Kopi’s goal was beautiful!!!!!

  38. We’ve got to be better. These red-jersey-ed assholes have too many weapons.


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