Fuck You East Coast Media For Your Self-Diluted Myopia

In case those in the media haven’t noticed, there is a Stanley Cup Finals series going on between the L.A. Kings and New Jersey Devils. Yet, on the radio, television and on the internet, I constantly have to listen to or read about how this or that celebrity showed up at Staples Center and then suffer through the reporting that these attendees fit into a broad and vague category called “bandwagon” fans. The media of course means this as an insult toward our city and its hockey loving citizens as they attempt to cast us all into the role of casual, self-absorbed fans that want to be “seen” at an event. To the East Coast media, I say this…

Look assholes, just because we have sunshine 12 months out of the year and we can surf, ski, eat sushi and head down to the local ice skating rink for a pick up game of hockey, all in one weekend, doesn’t mean we can’t kick your ass on and off the ice. Do you see Surly and I labeling New Jersey fans as convicted felons, child support obligors who are more than 36 months in arrears and vagrants just because they have a, per capita, larger demographic of such fucks as part of their fan base who attend games?


We are fucking polite.

We don’t label people out of ignorance. We do so out of merit and based on well thought out and informed opinions, like when we call Ducks fans the stupidest fucking fan base in hockey.

Los Angeles encompasses Beverly Hills, Hollywood, Century City and a lot of places with a lot of wealth, including but not limited to wealth that comes from movie stars, musicians and those in the public eye. If they, unlike the die-hards, represent 1/10th of 1 percent of the fan base and want to come out and catch a hockey game, it’s a free fucking country. They can do as they please…so long as they don’t go outside to smoke a cigarette during the game and then try to get back in.

So spare us the bullshit. It’s not us that are obsessed with celebrities. We see these fucks all the time. It’s you. You’re like that newly arrived immigrant from a third world country that has never seen a woman that isn’t covered from head to toe in a black bee keeper outfit and you just got off the plane and saw your first side boob and now can’t shut up about it. The fact that you can’t stop talking and writing about this tells me that you have nothing worthwhile to report…and that makes you East Coast ignorant. You can add that to bias.

Yesterday, Surly and I walked out of the game and we saw this midget walking by us…and Surly gave him shit for being an Islanders fan because that’s how Surly rolls.

Here is a picture to make your dick hard, because goodness knows you won’t find a beauty like this lurking in Newark.

Go Kings!

Categories: Surly & Scribe Humor

Tags: , , , ,

25 replies

  1. Please stop trying to make my dick hard lol.

  2. Actually the main thing that is pissing me off in this cup finales is people saying the hockey is really boring.

  3. Please rewrite sans Fbombs so it is publishable on mainstream! I love it!

  4. No matter what, you always bring a good laugh into my little universe.

  5. Just a small difference of opinion re Surly calling out ‘this midget fucker’….because that’s how he rolls. To clarify, are you saying that this guy was a midget and a fucker, or were you saying he fucks midgets? I saw this guy too, and I thought he was a ‘ginger fucker’.

  6. Fuck these media assholes. If it’s so much trouble covering the boring game that you know nothing about, go home. I’d love to have my normal seats in 316 back.


  8. I couldn’t find an octopus, so I threw a different cephalopod on to the ice.

  9. Absolutely love Los Angeles… This has to be one of the best things I’ve read in a long time.. Hearing a passion for LA and hockey alike sends shivers down my spine.. Thanks for this again!!!

  10. My girl’s hot huh?

  11. Jesus Christ… the midget comment had me busting up. Also, yesterday the dork from Buffy The Vampire Slayer/Bones sat next to my brother – apparently he’s too cool to wait in line for the bathroom and he rushed to the front of the line storming into a stall holding his kid like it was a golden ticket. Eat a fatty, vampire.

  12. EPIC… spat all over my computer… makes me miss LA… GO KINGS!

  13. Jesus christ her nipples are about to tear through that bra :)

  14. come on Bobby are you surprised? all playoffs long we have heard more along the lines of “(insert team name) aren’t doing this, not doing this and failing at this” as the cause of how the games are turning out. the media fails to truly acknowledge the Kings steamrolling the shit out of the competition. it isn’t LA’s doing, but more their opponents failure to execute. when and if they do say the game was won by LA because they did (insert reason here), the next segment or opinion will go right back to how LA’s opponent didn’t do something.

    at this point i just ignore the aholes, because they talk in f’n circles. the only way to truly make them see the light and shut them up is for LA to win this. how is the east coast and canadian media going to react to the LA Kings being the SC champions? they will likely not know what to do with themselves. after all hockey on the left coast and southwest is just a passing phase and there is no reason to take it serious. how will they react if LA truly wins and becomes a powerhouse the next few years the way we hope? the media won’t know what to do when they have to mention the Kings in the same sentences as the NYR, BOS, PHI, PIT, TOR, MTL, CHI.

    love your celebrity analysis as well. personally i wish the club would stop pandering to the celebs. show up to at least 5-10 regular season games if you want playoff tickets. quit giving valuable PO tickets to some celebrity jagoff that wants to bandwagon. let the average joe that attends and watches games all year have the seat.

    f them and the free buffets these pukes line up for each and every game

  15. I applaud your rip into the East Coast media, but, I am also disappointed that the West Coast media has no guts to run off their mouths scolding and mocking the East Coast media.
    As I think most of us saw this, NBC had in its intro segments a demonstration on ice on how NJ can shoot and beat Quick in the games. Of course NBC did not do any demonstrations to on how the Kings could take shots on Brodeur and score on him.
    Also, NBC’s whole primary orientation on the broadcast was to root for NJ to figure out ways to win against the Kings. For the next game tomorrow, they will do the whole routine again in trying to help NJ to win. It is totally pathetic.

    GO KINGS GO!!!

    • I think the worst of that was when the jerk-off was interviewing DeBoer DURING THE DAMN GAME and asked him if he was telling his players to shoot high so that they would have a better chance of beating Quick. Disgraceful.

  16. Is Emilio Estevez still the coach over there in Anaheim?

  17. It’s not that serious – who cares. Let’s focus on the cup – GKG!

  18. Oh that old West Coast inferiority complex.


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