What NHL Deputy Commissioner Bill Daly Meant to Say Is…

Have you heard the news? The NHL news? The NHL, Bill Daly, cancellation of all the games through October 24 news?

“We were extremely disappointed to have to make today’s announcement. The game deserves better, the fans deserve better and the people who derive income from their connection to the NHL deserve better.

We remain committed to doing everything in our power to forge an agreement that is fair to the players, fair to the teams and good for our fans.

This is not about ‘winning’ or ‘losing’ a negotiation. This is about finding a solution that preserves the long-term health and stability of the League and the game.

We are committed to getting this done.”

Years ago, I was bitten by a radioactive vagina. It came out of nowhere and attacked me. While the experience was harrowing, it did give me a superpower I did not expect – the ability to see through bullshit. Now, when someone says X but they really mean Y, I can flesh it out. It has served me well in life. I read Bill Daly’s words and from within came the heartfelt intentions…

“Fucking players haven’t broken yet and we are extremely disappointed. That’s why we are here, to tell you that. The owners deserve better, Bettman deserves better, I deserve better. We don’t give a damn about the players or you, the fans. They’re slaves and you’re sheep. When you whine, all we hear is baaaa.

We remain committed to doing everything in our power to break the union and force an agreement that is unbalanced, places the entirety of the burden on the players, is fair to us and fucks the rest.

This is about winning. It’s all that matters. This is about using draconian and bullying tactics, age-old negotiation strategies built on the foundation of intimidation and undue coercion and finding a way to penetrate the players with a dick big enough for an elephant.

We are committed to getting this done.”

Categories: Non-L.A. Kings News Offerings

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7 replies

  1. you know I can’t side with the players or the owners, I understand that no boss wants to give over more than 50% of their revenue to it’s employees and I understand that the players don’t want to lose the extra income but seriously how extravagant are their lives that they can’t afford to take a pay cut? I may be speaking from a bad place considering I have been unemployed for the past 2 years and have not had a real interview in over 3 months so any kind of income would be fine with me, but come on already, as it is I can’t afford to go to a game but it doesn’t make me any less a fan. all I want is to see hockey and watch the 2012 Stanley Cup Champion Los Angeles Kings raise the banner at Staples Center this year because honestly it would be kind of empty if it happened at the beginning of the 2013-2014 season… THERE HAS TO BE A HAPPY MEDIUM FOR BOTH SIDES!

  2. all I know is that the fact that I’m not watching hockey is fucking criminal.

  3. So, Daly, you were saying something about Heartfelt Intentions?
    Oh, you were finished?
    Well, allow me to retort.

    What does the NHLPA look like?
    Daly: Whaaaat?
    What does the NHLPA look like?
    Do they look like a bitch?

    Then why do you try to fuck them like a bitch?

  4. It was a lot funnier when it was the NFL.

  5. KHL games that will be streaming live on ESPN 3 with all times Pacific:

    Tuesday: Lev vs. Dynamo Moscow (Alexander Ovechkin) 10 a.m.

    Oct 14: Dynamo Moscow vs. Amur, 6 a.m.

    Oct. 16: Dynamo Moscow vs. Sibir, 8:30 a.m.

    Oct. 18: SKA (Ilya Kovalchuk) vs. Sibir, 8:45 a.m.

    Oct. 22: Dinamo Riga vs. Metallurg (Evgeni Malkin and Sergei Gonchar), 9:30 a.m.

    Oct. 29: Dynamo Moscow (Ovechkin) vs. Dinamo Riga, 8:30 a.m.

    Should at least give us something to watch. It’s too bad it won’t add any pressure.


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