Harrison Mooney writes for Puck Daddy and, this morning, he gave us the top 10 NHL players of 2012.

Fuck Harrison Mooney. Not literally, but who is he to give us a list, even if he most definitely got #1 right. Just the fact he would put Ilya Kovalchuk on the list (for Kings fans asking, “that name sounds familiar, wasn’t he the one that chose New Jersey for its schools?”) forever tarnishes his opinion and defiles his results.

As a means of tarnish removal, we have our own list.

Here is the Surly & Scribe top 11 NHL players of 2012…

I had an extra one and needed a place to put him.

11. Mike Smith: Prick, a bit of a diver but the Phoenix Coyotes aren’t dick without him. “Can’t stop ‘em all Smith” are the words that always bring a smile to my face when I watch the LA Kings DVD. Who spoke that? Was it Jeff Carter?

10. Scott Hartnell: “What?!” Fuck you. What can’t Scott Hartnell do? While you are sitting there and looking at stats, I am looking at the all around player. He was and is a terrific hockey player and, akin to what we Kings fans covet in our forwards, plays both ends of the ice.

9. Claude Giroux: I almost didn’t include him, mostly because I don’t care for him all that much but there is no denying the talent and production. Still though, you heard it here first, he won’t be the superstar everybody makes him out to be year in and year out…I will patiently await the wrath of Flyers fans. I won’t even lash back…we did win the Stanley Cup thanks, in part, to their former captain and leading scorer so there is no reason to remind them of that.

8. Patrice Bergeron: One of the most underrated centers in the league. Plays both ends of the ice and can do it all.

7. Steven Stamkos: A fucking goal scoring machine.

6. Dustin Brown: The 1a MVP of the playoffs. That alone is enough to land him on this list. Captained our Kings to the Cup. What more do you want?

5. Zdeno Chara: He is nearly as old as I am and he is still a stud. He can score, pile up assists, play solid defense and be a physical force. He is a leader for a reason and one impressive all around hockey defenseman. His 2011-2012 performance verifies that once again.

4. Anze Kopitar: There isn’t a single center I take over Anze and that isn’t the bias talking. Kopitar has become money and 2012 was his breakout year. The fact he didn’t win the Selke is a travesty.

3. Henrik Lundqvist: I don’t give a shit how good-looking the ladies think he is, he lacks Surly’s ferocity. He is a better goalie than Surly though and I am not sure the Rangers go very far this season without him…he can back up Jonathan Quick anytime.

2. Evgeni Malkin: Ugly as all hell but, man, can this guy dominate games. When he has those Lemieux moments, you really wonder if the Pittsburgh Penguins have sold their soul to land so many of the league’s superstars over the years…cheaters.

Tied for 2. Erik Karlsson: I admit that I have had a couple of dreams of Drew Doughty and Erik Karlsson on the same defensive pairing with our Kings…I woke up with a happy accident. What he does, going forward, remains to be seen but in 2011-2012, he was All-World.

1. Jonathan Quick: The god of hockey goalies this past season and playoffs. Nobody better. Nobody close. Nobody more valuable to his respective team. Nobody who took on the best of the NHL and kicked their collective ass more convincingly. “How about this fucking goalie!?”

Okay, so technically, that was a top 12 list. I make the rules.